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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Now I laugh, sometimes out loud  (Read 180 times)
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 1002

« on: December 05, 2022, 01:16:16 PM »

I admit I'm out of empathy for my uBPD H of 20+ years.  For almost 20 years, he thought it totally acceptable to call his W "c*nt" to her face as a term of address.  I married when my self-esteem was very low.

Fast forward 20 years and I know my H is BPD.  When I mention the "c-word" when he dysregulates, he says angrily and self-righteously, "Why can't you put that behind us?"  As if he's so proud of himself for not saying it for only 2 years. (One "c-word" slipped out a few years ago.)

That's like saying, "I no longer give my wife black eyes anymore."

He should never have called me that in the first place.  Only three weeks ago, he broke a kitchen implement in a fit of rage.  I laughed at him.

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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 129

« Reply #1 on: December 06, 2022, 02:25:13 PM »

Hi, it sounds like that must have tested your patience all those years. It's good to hear he's mostly stopped that habit.

We're in the Bettering board, so I'll make some assumptions. What are you doing to improve your relationship and calm any conflicts?
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