Now I laugh, sometimes out loud

[AskingWhy]

I admit I'm out of empathy for my uBPD H of 20+ years.  For almost 20 years, he thought it totally acceptable to call his W "c*nt" to her face as a term of address.  I married when my self-esteem was very low.

Fast forward 20 years and I know my H is BPD.  When I mention the "c-word" when he dysregulates, he says angrily and self-righteously, "Why can't you put that behind us?"  As if he's so proud of himself for not saying it for only 2 years. (One "c-word" slipped out a few years ago.)

That's like saying, "I no longer give my wife black eyes anymore."

He should never have called me that in the first place.  Only three weeks ago, he broke a kitchen implement in a fit of rage.  I laughed at him.

[Jabiru]

Hi, it sounds like that must have tested your patience all those years. It's good to hear he's mostly stopped that habit.

We're in the Bettering board, so I'll make some assumptions. What are you doing to improve your relationship and calm any conflicts?