New here. Need help.

[faith5000]

I am typing this with shaking hands as my husband is having a meltdown in another room. My husband has not officially been diagnosed with BPD, but our therapist is almost certain that this is what is going on. We have been married for 10 years, together for 11. He is now going to a psychiatrist and a therapist and getting to this point is nothing short of a miracle.

I have loved this man with everything I have. I have refused to give up on him and until recently, he has refused to get help. His dad is bipolar and so understandably, he is very resistant to the idea of being diagnosed with anything.

My son is technically my stepson and is 16. Frankly, if it were not for him, I believe that I would have already walked away. We are both victims of my husband's uncontrollable mood swings, anger, yelling, name calling, rage, criticisms and blame. I refuse to leave my son in this situation and so I am still here. My hope is that the doctor will get him on the correct medications and along with therapy, maybe he will become stable. Otherwise, when my son is 18, we plan to move out.

I am truly living a nightmare. I don't know what to expect from this group, but I am in desperate need of friends who really know what I am going through. I am blessed with friends and family and have a huge support system and they understand as best as they are able. I also hope that I can somehow help someone else as well.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[thepixies21]

Hi, faith!

I don't have children, but I definitely know the feeling of hiding from my spouse when he's in a rage and feeling helpless. I've been with my husband for 13 years, and I think out of all the symptoms of his uBPD, the uncontrolled rage is the toughest to cope with. I think you'll find people here really helpful. I've just started on this journey myself, and I'm working on understanding what I can control, which is my own patterns of codependency and doing everything to make him "look good" while I feel exhausted, frustrated and resentful. I'm glad to hear he's in therapy and seeing a psychiatrist. My husband is starting that process too, and I'm doing my best to let him have his own journey and stop feeling like it's up to me if he succeeds or fails. It sounds like you have a really hard decision to make, especially with a stepchild in the mix. There are some posts that have some great advice, I'd suggest reading through some of the pinned posts on the message boards here, it's a good place to start. I think the biggest thing I get out of this group is just not feeling alone, and feeling like I can say whatever I'm feeling about my husband without fear of judgment or blame.

Like I said, I'm newer so I don't have much in the way of advice to offer, but I can say that I support you, and I hope this group helps.

[bluebutterflies]

Hey there, welcome to the forum! I understand where you are coming from. My husband and I have been together 5 years and he's not even diagnosed. I love him so much but it's too hard when he isn't getting help.

In the meantime do you have any boundaries set for yourself? A timeline perhaps? I wish I had set a clear plan with my husband so we both knew what to expect. Hang in there and if you have any questions or need support please let us all know. This board has been life saving.

[Joaquin]

I’m new as well. Just wanted to send love and support.