strange behavior?

[Some0ne]

My girlfriend broke up with me 3,5 weeks ago. She was diagnosed with BPD in her younger adulthood. This break up came after a while of ups and downs in her mood. This related to work, shes been home from work for 7 weeks because there is no job for her to do right now. She needs something to do or else she is feeling worthless. Around the same time she left work we found out that her mother has lung cancer. My girlfriend took that very hard and her anxiety got worse, she began to lack out of sleep and I know that she havent felt this bad for a very long time. The weekend before she broke up with me we went out for a romantic dinner and went to a consert where we were kissing and hugging and it all felt normal and I was glad that we could have a good night and for a little while forgot all the problems.
The day she broke up with me was over this stupid thing. It was a GIF that I posted on her FB wall. She begun to complain about why I did it, why I started caring about her now and showing on FB that I love her. The same morning she got into i fight with her sick mother and somehow it felt like I got the "_____" for that fight.
She wants us to be friends in the future so she has not deleted me from social media, she just restricted me so we can be apart for a while. Then she started to send one text a week about silly stuff. She´s checking my instagramstories only when she knows that I´m hanging out with my sister. Last week I ran in to her and friendly askedher if she wanted to grab some coffe. At first she said no, we need to keep distance. But then she changed her mind. We hung out for 4 houers and and texted for 4 more houres.After the coffe she drove me home and gave me a tshirt that I left at her place. I colud se that she still has my home key together with her outher keys, she did not return that, but she returned my clothes. She told me that she hoped I did´t got the hope about us beeing back together just because we had coffe. Last time we broke up, she was quick to solve all things with stuff and keys, but now she has a lot of things back at my place. This time she even keep in touch with my family and friends. I do find it so strange this behavor of hers. I guess that it is a bit to much for her to handle right now with the lack of job and the cancer. And her being sad and depressed and hating herself makes her incapable of having a relationship at the moment because of the fear that I will leave her when shes at her bottom.
I don´t know, everything is just so confusing and I miss her so much

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[outhere]

Hi Some0ne, thanks for sharing your story.  Being in a relationship with someone with BPD is very challenging and can certainly lead to a great deal of confusion for the partner, and times of increased anxiety such as an illness in the family in her case seem to inflame the condition.  I wish you the best of luck, don't forget to take care of yourself.  Perhaps this time apart is an oppourtunity for you to reflect on yourself a bit - what do you need and want from relationships and life? - I know that I find it hard to find space to do this for myself.

[Some0ne]

Thanks for your support outhere!
I can se a big difference in her after we found out about her mothers illnes, lack of sleep, big outbreaks and trowing things around and starting arguments. This break up has been different from the big one we had 2 years ago. Then she shut me totally off, and the rest of my family to. Now she restrained me on instagram and keep in touch with the rest of my family. We still have eatchothers keys. So a part of me thinks that it has been to much and she needs space and comes back later when she is in balance again. The other part of me thinks that she is gone forever and just wants to be friends. I took some weeks off from work and began to go in therpy to sort things out for myself.
Learning how to take care of me better in the future with or without her.

[outhere]

Good idea to get into your own therapy sessions and having a good attitude, it sounds like you're handling it as well we can.  Someone suggested the book Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist to me on these forums and I've been finding it extremely helpful in exploring my own issues as a part of the BPD equation - I highly recommend it if you enjoy reading.

[Some0ne]

Thanks for the tip! I googled it and it sounds like I need to read this. I orded a copy and looking forward to read it.
Just got of the phone with her motherwho she decided to stay with over the weekend. She told me that my ex boss called and told her that no one wants to work with her according to her behavior on the worksites so now she probably has to quit that job. So she is falling further down into her hole of depression and crises making her BPD even worse :/