Agree this is a great string.
My Mom says that...she never yells, according to her. But, that's not what I hear. She yells very loudly...and even she told me that once the neighbors called the police when she was having an argument with her partner.Anyway, it is good to know that I am not alone because sometimes I feel very alone and that everyone thinks my mother is a saint because she is so charming when she is out and so abusive when she is alone with me.
This is so common with BPD. My sister doesn’t know that she yells, and because she is so wrapped up in her emotion of the moment, she frequently claims “ you got mad at me because I said X”. The typical pattern is she brings up something from remote past, , gets herself worked up and yelling and hurling unfounded accusations at me, I try to de-escalate her (only successful sometimes), and at some point, I set a boundary to end the conversation. She has no self awareness of her yelling, or why I ended the call. I never raise my voice, and I end the call very calmly. But her version is always I got mad at her or angry at her when she make some reasonable request. She is charming and dynamic with others. People remember her and usually have very positive first impressions. For a long time, like you, I thought I was the only person that she talked to the way she talks to me. But as she has gotten older, I have witnessed it with her son, her husband and also with people we have to interact with related to our family trust or my parents care, property managers, social workers, doctors, etc. She turns on a dime, and they are always confused. Learning about BPD and recognizing the behaviors makes a huge difference. Sharing on the forum with others who have experienced similar situations, really reduces the sense of loneliness and it helps so much.
Again, great thread. Love learning from everyone’s insights and experiences.
