Religion & Moving On

[SaltyDawg]

Keeping it short as possible...  

God has given me signs for both of the women I have been involved with pwBPD.

#1 - 1997-2000, uBPD/NPD/+/exgf - I received a sign in ~1982, a vivid dream, to run like hell when a certain set of circumstances were to happen well before I would eventually come across her, while I was still in high-school, and he gave me several more signs from 1997-2000 too, since I never really listen to well to him or others he was using to give me this.  When I finally did listen, I ran straight into...

#2 - 2001 - now, uBPD/OCPDw - I have received several signs to stay, so I am staying and I am suffering - God has already used me countless times in selfless and incredible ways - he has a bigger purpose for me, I do not know what; however, I have faith, it will eventually come.  I've been wanting to leave for over a decade, and God has his own timeline for me.  

Right now he has used many people to help grow emotionally and spiritually from sources I would have never considered including another self-aware borderline person among others from all of the world's Abrahamic religions who have the same God - Christianity, Muslim, & Jewish all of whom share holy writings that can be found in the Old Testament.  All humans are God's children.

Go to church, pray for discernment.  Do not actively look for a sign, as that opens you to dark influences.  A sign / dream / vision will come when you least expect it, just be patient.

In the mean time, take care with self-care.

P.S.  In the meantime, I wouldn't mind a PM of your story.

[ForeverDad]

But I also realize that God's time is much different from ours- we think, "I've waited 7 months"...like that's impressive to God or something.

I was in my early 20s when I gave a discourse/sermon on God's perspective of time versus ours.  It was the third time I'd read the source material and only then, once I was old enough to ponder deeply, did I have my Aha! moment.

The longer we live, the closer our view of time becomes to God's perspective.

How Time Moves Faster. There is an old saying that "a watched kettle never boils." It is true that when we are watching time, when we are conscious of it, when we are waiting for something to happen, then it seems to pass ever so slowly. However, if we are busy, if we are interested in and preoccupied with what we are doing, then it really appears that "time flies." Moreover, with older people time seems to pass much more quickly than with young children. Why is this? One year added to the life of a one-year-old means a 100-percent increase in life’s experiences. One year added to the life of a 50-year-old means just 2 percent more. To the child, a year seems a long, long time. The older person, if busy and in good health, finds that the years seem to fly faster and faster.

Time​—When People Live Forever. However, there are joyous days ahead that will be far from calamitous. Lovers of righteousness, whose 'times are in Jehovah's hand,' may look forward to everlasting life in the realm of God's Kingdom... As millenniums pass, humans on this earth will no doubt come to appreciate more fully Jehovah's view of time: 'For a thousand years in Jehovah's eyes are but as yesterday when it is past.'​—Psalm 90:4.

[Red5]

(SaltyDawg writes)
"Go to church, pray for discernment.  Do not actively look for a sign, as that opens you to dark influences.  A sign / dream / vision will come when you least expect it, just be patient"

Yes, 'discernment', ... with prayer and supplication, ... signs; also, ... as you've said before SD, ... "God will provide you with the intel (discernment) when the time is right", ... by spiritual means, do not go looking for it off-hand, as (yes) you may very well open the door (portal) to dark influences.

#faith (mustard seed, Matthew 17:20)

I have said to others a few times over the past years, ... "I will have knowledge when the Lord wants me to have it, ... that 'Classified Folder' will be left on my desk (mind) by the Lord, when I am ready to see it, to understand it, to act properly upon it, and not before, so I am not going to ruminate/worry about "it" anymore" ...

Sometimes it is (was) hard to do, but I am getting better at "not worrying" about things anymore, ... my Grandmother used to call this worrying about things, and not waiting on the Lord, as "barrowing trouble".

Red5

[Pook075]

That's an amazing experience.  Many, many times we probably dismiss God and the things he is trying to show us.  I know this goes for me as I am a highly logical person who refuses to act out of emotion.  Sometimes it's possible that I may dismiss a providential thought thinking it is a selfish emotion that may be creeping up.  I'm trying to be more aware of those instances now. 

It's also interesting how that gave such a different perspective with the divorce.  In our Wednesday night bible study last night I was teaching on the last few chapters of Ezra.  After the Hebrews return from Babylon with the second part of the remnant they began to intermarry with the idolatrous people in the land.  Upon recognizing their sin, it was decided that they should put away those wives.  Apparently this was within God's will.  One might say, "well they were unbelieving wives".  While true the only teaching we have on unbelieving wives is that it's ok to let them go if THEY choose to leave.  In this instance though, they had no choice.  The men made the choice for them.  God doesn't make exceptions with sin, so this scenario has to fit into the overall principle as well. 

Apologies, I didn't mean to highjack your testimony with more theology but your perspective made me think about that particular passage

No worries, you didn't hijack anything since we're all here to learn from each other.

I do believe with my whole heart that my wife has broken the covenant and that I'm spiritually "free".  She also refuses to speak to me, so it's not like I'm making a choice to put her away.  She plans to file for divorce in August and if she follows through, I'll let her go.

But at the same time, we're told to pray, study the scripture, witness, and allow God to lead all aspects of our lives.  My wife hasn't returned because He hasn't guided her back.  I accept that since we all have free will.  BPD obviously complicates that as well.  For now though, I'm trying <and failing> to let God lead me while I wait this out.  It's truly in His hands.

[Pook075]

Keeping it short as possible...  

God has given me signs for both of the women I have been involved with pwBPD.

#1 - 1997-2000, uBPD/NPD/+/exgf - I received a sign in ~1982, a vivid dream, to run like hell when a certain set of circumstances were to happen well before I would eventually come across her, while I was still in high-school, and he gave me several more signs from 1997-2000 too, since I never really listen to well to him or others he was using to give me this.  When I finally did listen, I ran straight into...

#2 - 2001 - now, uBPD/OCPDw - I have received several signs to stay, so I am staying and I am suffering - God has already used me countless times in selfless and incredible ways - he has a bigger purpose for me, I do not know what; however, I have faith, it will eventually come.  I've been wanting to leave for over a decade, and God has his own timeline for me.  

Right now he has used many people to help grow emotionally and spiritually from sources I would have never considered including another self-aware borderline person among others from all of the world's Abrahamic religions who have the same God - Christianity, Muslim, & Jewish all of whom share holy writings that can be found in the Old Testament.  All humans are God's children.

Go to church, pray for discernment.  Do not actively look for a sign, as that opens you to dark influences.  A sign / dream / vision will come when you least expect it, just be patient.

In the mean time, take care with self-care.

P.S.  In the meantime, I wouldn't mind a PM of your story.

Thanks for the advice Salty, I've had a few vivid dreams as well since separating and my wife was particularly cruel in them.  Not sure where that comes from though and whether I should "trust them" or not.  It could be a sign to move on.

I'll PM you this evening.