Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
October 31, 2024, 06:16:27 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Things we can't ignore
What Does it Take to Be in a Relationship
Why We Struggle in Our Relationships
Is Your Relationship Breaking Down?
Codependency and Codependent Relationships
93
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Painted black  (Read 461 times)
CaptainCat

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 3


« on: March 20, 2023, 12:25:33 PM »

I feel stuck. I can see the issue but nothing I can do or say will fix things. My wife has fallen out with my family. Drama since back in August. Stuff they said thst she can't grt over. Last few months constant triggers and would flame towards myself. Even if the incident was months ago, she would be triggered by the slightest mention of them and be stuck in this loop. Things where improving up untill early feburary where she had a run in with my sister while out shopping, this was a huge meltdown. This now snowballed for the month, zero intimacy with me, didn't want to be touched and within a few weeks told me we where finished and she is going to seperate.

We are together 18 years and she was diagnosed in November. Hasn't really went back to therapy and believes she can do her dbt herself.

I feel her rage towards my family has shifted the blame onto me, after she said I never delt with things and could of fixed her problems better. After she said this it was like a weight lifted off her shoulders. Mood was happy and she was saying how she wanted to move away and grt away from everything

Looking back over the years I see that even small triggers and rages she would shout the words I just need to grt away. Like small arguments with my daughter would turn into her grtting triggered and she would say she needed to just leave. After a few minutes she would come around and apologise.

So now I'm painted black and devalued. I'm just grtting on with my day and working on myself.

Has anyone advise on how I would approach things. The way I see it is to just ignore and work on me. Her dad said in a few weeks he will talk with her and try and make her see some sence as I know it can't come from me becuase iv been painted black
Logged
PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

Amina

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Troubled
Posts: 46


« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2023, 01:03:40 PM »

My romantic partner of 3.5 years splits me black for days, weeks, and even months at a time.  A year ago this started to include blocking and unblocking my number, and he has panic and anxiety sometimes from intimacy.  I empathize not with his distortions but his pain, check-in via email to let him now I am there, and let him know I think that he is having black and white thinking.  There is little I can do to control the devaluation that occurs, though he can be responsive to me reaching out, and later can acknowledge how important it has been for him to know I am there, supporting him, and us.  However, his rollercoaster and untreated symptoms are exhausting to me, and my current spiritual journey is on some days, excruciating. 
Logged
CaptainCat

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 3


« Reply #2 on: March 20, 2023, 02:47:22 PM »

That sounds like a tough situation. Iv never really been split on this hard before. But because it's my own family she has issues with I'm been painted black aswell. Says I didn't validate her pain enough

She's not going to be moving anywhere for some time. So I'm thinking she might pull out of this. Either way I know I'll be fine. Sometimes I am balled up with fear. Other days I'm quite chill about the whole thing. As I'm learning now I have zero control of the outcome
« Last Edit: March 20, 2023, 03:07:47 PM by CaptainCat » Logged
thankful person
*******
Online Online

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 1010

Formerly known as broken person…


« Reply #3 on: March 20, 2023, 05:54:36 PM »

Captain cat, welcome. I’m a married lesbian, I’ve been in my relationship with my dbpdw for nearly 9 years, but here in bpd family for 2 years. Since being here on the forum, I have found that there was lots I could do to better communicate with my wife and she became much more sane and reasonable. I had true hope for our marriage last year and was constantly on here trying to give others hope. Sadly I have also been painted black for the past few months since my wife birthed our third child. Sometimes she’s loving towards me for a couple of days and expresses how she’d like things to work out between us. Then she will suddenly turn on me again as somehow I’ve managed to “ruin everything” yet again (it’s rather tedious because I’m just waiting for this stage to hit again each time). At times I have hope that things will get better as the babies get older but at other times I have no hope as it’s like my wife just doesn’t care about whether our marriage lasts and she truly believes in a bad person and says do. My wife is so delusional and genuinely believes I’m out to get her most of the time. I’m sorry I couldn’t be more help, just wanted to share my story.
Logged

“Maybe I’ll get it right next time…” from “Estranged” by Guns N’ Roses
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!