I'm sorry you have had to endure this for five years.
With this he has run off crying to everyone - police, social work (that I am alleging something I haven't alleged) - I have alleged concern, consistently, but not what he is saying I've said. Every agency is buying his crap.
Social work will be visiting - they have been utterly appalling, contemptuous tone, treating me like a time-waster with a sinister motive - and have clearly set the bulldog ones on me.
I am VERY scared I will be painted as the alienater and BPD ultimately granted 50 percent, his constant obsession, until it shifts again.
I find myself questioning what I said (thank God a sane friend has witnessed what I have said).
High conflict personalities are quite adept at using the legal system to their advantage.
I have had a lifetime of cluster B abuse from a multitude of sources, but that the very people who are supposed to be there to protect are buying into the utter madness is so disturbing, distressing and blood boiling.
I am foaming with the relentless injustice.
I have found myself shouting to police "why can't you see it?"
When you shout at the police you are falling into the BPD's trap. The BPD's goal is to subconsciously vindicate their own behavior by making you act even more poorly than they do.
I actually made this very same mistake with police, when things came to a head in my relationship. I ended up being the one taken to a mental hospital in handcuffs. I was discharged the same day, but I had PTSD from the experience for about a year and a half. After a lot of work on myself, I am able to maintain composure in difficult situations with my high conflict ex. I recommend reading the book BIFF. It will help you in your interactions with your ex. It will also help you in your other personal and professional experiences. This was my first step to improve dynamics with my ex. However, I use the skills I learned in this book navigating difficult colleagues, as well.
Very frightened they will keep buying his crap with dire consequences for me and kid.
I jump a mile in the air when the phone goes.
I have spared explicit details and loads of the story for obvious reasons but if anyone can offer any tips or hope I would be beyond grateful.
It is a very scary and lonely nightmare.
A couple more suggestions.
I also recommend getting a trained therapist to help guide you through all of this if you don't have one already. One that specializes in divorce or family therapy would be best.
Are you familiar with the field of play therapy for your five year old? A play therapist might be able to document behavior and statements that indicate abuse. The play therapist will want to meet and establish a relationship with both parents, even when you are co-parenting in parallel. It sounds like your BPDex totally has the mindset of, "not being the one with the problem." I experienced this first hand as well. This may make it easier to get them onboard with play therapy if you position the proposition correctly. Maybe identify a play therapist you want to work with and talk to them about how to get the father onboard, first.
I hope this helps. I know you don't have much time. We all don't, but you will definitely need to put a lot of time into self care, as well. This can be the hardest part from my experience. It forces us to look at our own flaws and make improvements.