On the Borderline of Multiple Personalities

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

So as anyone who has been reading my extensive thread will understand, I definitely have a large need for understanding the mechanisms behind why borderlines act the way they do.

A lot of the research I have looked into leads to point to the fact that when splitting, or during an episode Of dysregulation,  many of the symptoms mimic that of multiple personality disorder. This goes a long way to explain the often used comparison of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Vanknin's Videos provide great insight to this view.

While I had always framed my ex in the light of having emotional breakdowns, and having episodes, I never really considered the fact that it was actually skirting the line of multiple personalities. This makes a hell of a lot of sense to me. It's almost as if when dysregulated, there waking mind goes to sleep, and they're sleeping mind takes over. Not quite two separate personalities, but two very different versions of the same person.



I suppose all of this is in an attempt to solidify the opinion that none of this is my fault. I know there are things I could have done better in the relationship but generally speaking all of these things would have occurred no matter what I did.



It also makes me think of habits. I have been around now to watch my ex, over the course of years, and on multiple occasions jump into relationships with other people when we are broken up and she's dysregulated. It's very interesting to me that all of these other men are very different from me, but very similar to each other. Whereas her and I share a lot of similar interests in folklore, Antiquity literature and so on, her Rebound Partners generally tend to be more typical sports fan Car Guy types, which complains about being boring. It's almost like some people are predesignated as temporary and other people are predesignated as "primary" or "ideal" partners,  the ones they will keep returning to.

My ex seems to do this, 1.) Attempt actual relationship with "Primary", 2.) engulfment sets in, devaluing begins 3.) search for monkey branch, 4.) mokey branch found, 5.) discard and flee "primary", 6.) seek comfort in Replacement, lasts up to 6 months, 7.) devalue and discard Replacement while painting "primary" white again. - Rinse, Repeat. a few times until a "replacement" becomes a "Primary".
This takes time, as at age 36, I am the 2nd "Primary" in her life.
She went back and forth with her daughters father several times over to course of years.
Her and I have been at this game for 3.5 years now.


Rather than the unexplainable erratic behavior that we often hear about from borderlines, I think if you look at it with a closer lens you can see repeated behaviors and repeated choices. What do they do when they're regulated? What are they interested in when they are regulated? How do they behave when dysregulated? How did their tastes and interests change when dysregulated? Is there consistency between who they are when regulated versus who they are when dysregulated? I would love to hear other people's examples of this. Rather than just shooting off in any random Direction, I seem to be of the opinion that when dysregulated, they will jump back into old habits and old behaviors. Conversely when they reregulate, they feel bad about the way that they acted and the things that they chose to do,  realize they have chosen  an incompatible partner, and I think that's when we start to see recycle attempts.



Just journaling my research projects and spitballing, but I would like to hear some of your own observations into the psycological habits and patterns you have observed.

[OKrunch]

So as anyone who has been reading my extensive thread will understand, I definitely have a large need for understanding the mechanisms behind why borderlines act the way they do.

A lot of the research I have looked into leads to point to the fact that when splitting, or during an episode Of dysregulation,  many of the symptoms mimic that of multiple personality disorder. This goes a long way to explain the often used comparison of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Vanknin's Videos provide great insight to this view.

While I had always framed my ex in the light of having emotional breakdowns, and having episodes, I never really considered the fact that it was actually skirting the line of multiple personalities. This makes a hell of a lot of sense to me. It's almost as if when dysregulated, there waking mind goes to sleep, and they're sleeping mind takes over. Not quite two separate personalities, but two very different versions of the same person.



I suppose all of this is in an attempt to solidify the opinion that none of this is my fault. I know there are things I could have done better in the relationship but generally speaking all of these things would have occurred no matter what I did.



It also makes me think of habits. I have been around now to watch my ex, over the course of years, and on multiple occasions jump into relationships with other people when we are broken up and she's dysregulated. It's very interesting to me that all of these other men are very different from me, but very similar to each other. Whereas her and I share a lot of similar interests in folklore, Antiquity literature and so on, her Rebound Partners generally tend to be more typical sports fan Car Guy types, which complains about being boring. It's almost like some people are predesignated as temporary and other people are predesignated as "primary" or "ideal" partners,  the ones they will keep returning to.

My ex seems to do this, 1.) Attempt actual relationship with "Primary", 2.) engulfment sets in, devaluing begins 3.) search for monkey branch, 4.) mokey branch found, 5.) discard and flee "primary", 6.) seek comfort in Replacement, lasts up to 6 months, 7.) devalue and discard Replacement while painting "primary" white again. - Rinse, Repeat. a few times until a "replacement" becomes a "Primary".
This takes time, as at age 36, I am the 2nd "Primary" in her life.
She went back and forth with her daughters father several times over to course of years.
Her and I have been at this game for 3.5 years now.


Rather than the unexplainable erratic behavior that we often hear about from borderlines, I think if you look at it with a closer lens you can see repeated behaviors and repeated choices. What do they do when they're regulated? What are they interested in when they are regulated? How do they behave when dysregulated? How did their tastes and interests change when dysregulated? Is there consistency between who they are when regulated versus who they are when dysregulated? I would love to hear other people's examples of this. Rather than just shooting off in any random Direction, I seem to be of the opinion that when dysregulated, they will jump back into old habits and old behaviors. Conversely when they reregulate, they feel bad about the way that they acted and the things that they chose to do,  realize they have chosen  an incompatible partner, and I think that's when we start to see recycle attempts.



Just journaling my research projects and spitballing, but I would like to hear some of your own observations into the psycological habits and patterns you have observed.

[Don Gato]

   Like many have said ultimately it does not matter
if she has a Cluster B disorder, she is TOXIC!
Put her in the review mirror, and keep driving.
You can do better. Do some serious self introspection to figure out why you attract these types? It's common for people with codependency issues to attract other codependents. You don't necessarily have to have the severity of a personality disorder to be codependent. Often codependents are just people who fear loneliness.
So they meet someone who makes them feel good, and they hold on longer than they should. Poor attachment issues are a factor also. Others are just more empathic "fixer", "caretaker" type personalities. I admit I'm in that category. It's all about the give and take. Unfortunately if you end up with someone with high narcissistic traits (40% of all diagnosed Borderlines have comorbidity with NPD) You will be doing all the giving, and they will just be doing the taking. I highly recommend you read Jackson MacKenzie's book "Whole Again" It helped me so much understanding, and getting over the trauma bond I had with my BPD/NPD ex. The bottom line is if they don't get rigid long term treatment they will never change, and you can't make them, or fix them. It's a no win situation. Plenty of healthy women on the planet would love what you wasted on this woman.

[OKrunch]

The purpose of this thread was to discuss common stories and behavior patterns, i only used a personal story as an example here.
I don't disagree with you, but if I could "just put it behind me" i wouldnt be on this forum in the first place.

[Couscous]

The purpose of this thread was to discuss common stories and behavior patterns, i only used a personal story as an example here.
I don't disagree with you, but if I could "just put it behind me" i wouldnt be on this forum in the first place.

Unfortunately, analyzing their behavior doesn’t help with detaching. It just delays the recover process.

Here’s a quote from the sticky about who should post on this board:

“The Detaching board is for grieving the loss of the relationship, doing the postmortem to understand what really happened, and working together to get in touch with our own feelings and the issues that lead us to the unhealthy bonding to begin with.”

[OKrunch]

How is this different from the post you made about Psycopathy?
its discussing the mental health behaviors.

Have a mod delete the thread if its not a topic of discussion that is the correct format of the board.

[cranmango]

A lot of the research I have looked into leads to point to the fact that when splitting, or during an episode Of dysregulation,  many of the symptoms mimic that of multiple personality disorder. This goes a long way to explain the often used comparison of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Vanknin's Videos provide great insight to this view.

One of the core symptoms of BPD is stress-induced dissociation. In moments of extreme dysregulation, my uBPDex would say and do very hurtful things. I truly believe that she has no clear memory of these episodes afterward. None of which is an excuse for her behavior, but it's a way to understand it. And in a way it's really sad, because she has no real sense of the damage that she causes to those around her in those moments of dysregulation.

I suppose all of this is in an attempt to solidify the opinion that none of this is my fault. I know there are things I could have done better in the relationship but generally speaking all of these things would have occurred no matter what I did.

This is likely true. Your behavior might have shaped the time course, but probably not the overall trajectory of the relationship. I do think it's still worth reflecting on your role in the dynamic, if for no other reason than to not fall into a similar dynamic in future relationships.

[SinisterComplex]

How is this different from the post you made about Psycopathy?
its discussing the mental health behaviors.

Have a mod delete the thread if its not a topic of discussion that is the correct format of the board.

Unfortunately, analyzing their behavior doesn’t help with detaching. It just delays the recover process.

Here’s a quote from the sticky about who should post on this board:

“The Detaching board is for grieving the loss of the relationship, doing the postmortem to understand what really happened, and working together to get in touch with our own feelings and the issues that lead us to the unhealthy bonding to begin with.”

Runchie, this thread is fine. Let's just keep it zipped up is all. Obviously you are still hurting and going through the process, but...keep your questions specific. Instead of embedding your questions into paragraphs make them stick out like for example...

-My ex displayed this behavior, community did your partner display this particular behavior?

Then continue your discussion...

There is no moderation necessary. We need to keep the dialogue going, the less censorship the better...there is enough of that nonsense out there in the world as it is. This is your thread so guide this as you need to, and know we are watching and paying attention. Just be sure to be clear when offering up opinions that they are opinions, theories are theories...etc. The reason I say this is that this kind of discussion can go down a very slippery slope in a hurry. Not all disordered people are the same. Some behaviors may be similar, but each person is an individual and they are their own case. As long as we can keep these things in mind then please continue on. You have the floor...I'll be observing.

Also...not sure if you have seen this thread, but check it out...

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=329294.0;all

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-