About to break up after 45 years with BPD wife.

My wife and I have been married over 40 years. I am almost 80, she is 70. I am certain she is a high functioning pwBPD.The situation has gone down hill in the last 5 years as she is gradually pulling away from me and periodically locks herself in half of the house and we have no communication for weeks, sometimes months. She says I sufficate her and control her. I looked back over our marriage and almost every major decision made was what she wanted. Not to have kids, then to have kids. Her getting two higher degrees that she never used, starting a small retail business, wanting to spend time in her home country so I created a new aspect of my job so we could go there every year, and then bought a house there to live in part of every year. Then she wanted to sell our house and move to another state so we did, and then she wanted to move full time to her home country and pretty much cut off our kids in the US. Then she wanted to split our assets up the middle so we did. For decades we lived mainly off my salary and she had full access to it always. But once she started doing a couple of cottage rentals on our jointly owned land overseas she cut my access to that money off, even through the property was half mine. There is much more and it goes on and on but over time she cuts me out of her life as she goes about dissolving our marriage bit by bit. Her mother was a tyrant and the same issues she had with her mother are now getting replayed and triggered in her relationship with me. All decisions she wanted made and she says I smother her. She has conflict with most people and it is always their fault. She won't even consider a therapist to check for BPD and when I mentioned it in the past she said she wanted a divorce because I mentioned it and that I needed to get a therapist to look at my childhood and wouId not talk to me or read my emails or be in the marriage anymore until I worked out my problems in therapy, which, outside of the control issue, were generally vague and non-specific. Her twin committed suicide, was never married or every had a boyfriend, lived alone most of her life and had my conflicts and problems. She also had most of the traits of BPD as did her mother, and possibly another sibling did as well. My wife says she is working on herself doing tapping and the Iching and affirmations written on large sheets of paper that are spread around the room. I sent her a Kindle book on DBT but she did not read it. We have been together so long and it is very late in our lives to split up or begin long-term therapy but I am at a loss at this point. She recently cut one of our children out of her will because she dislikes his wife. What to do?



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