Need help

[mich590011]

It has been a roller coaster marriage for me since the beginning. It took me sometime to realize with what's happening in my life. My partner has insane insecurities, makes issues of trivial things, is extremely moody, aggressive, manipulative and controlling. It has been taking an extreme toll on my mental health and I am clueless on how to improve my situation.

I have done a bit of research and I believe that my spouse suffers from BPD. Of course, I am no expert and that's the reason I need some guidance on whom to talk to about this and how to get professional help for my spouse as they will never admit that there is something wrong with them. I am also looking to seek therapy for myself as I am going crazy having to live like this. I would greatly appreciate if you could provide me guidance how to go about in dealing this issue.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Chercher]

Hi Mich590011, I am sorry to hear that you are struggling right now. I understand how frustrating your husband’s  BPD behaviors can make you feel. BPD can certainly have that effect, to make you feel like you are going crazy.

I just discovered this forum here recently, but I first suspected that my husband had BPD about 7 years ago, when I began doing my own research to learn more.

Some books that really helped me when I first started believing my husband had BPD were: “Stop Walking on Eggshells”, “The High-Conflict Couple”, and “Loving Someone with Borderline Personality”.

Since you said your husband would be resistant to therapy,  you might find it helpful to learn about some skills and strategies you can learn by first reading these books to learn about BPD, and about the skills and strategies taught during Dialectical Behavior (supposedly one of the more effective therapies available). Even though he is not willing to seek help right now, it will still be helpful for you to learn coping skills.

The thing I really like about “The High Conflict Couple” is its use of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy techniques and its intentional omission of the word “Borderline” as a label, which allowed for me to sometimes read portions of it with my undiagnosed BPD husband. Learning about “wise mind”, “distress tolerance”, the importance of “validation”, “self-care” in these books have really helped me.

Hope this helps. Learning about BPD made me feel less crazy, less frustrated. You will soon start to see patterns repeating themselves, and learn strategies to empower you in managing and responding. Take care.