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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Lack of empathy  (Read 207 times)
AskingWhy
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 1015



« on: May 25, 2023, 10:40:33 AM »

I recently was admitted to an emergency room for a serious medical condition.  After a week, I was released home with a future appointment for surgery.

I wasn't home more than three days when my uBPD H was fault finding and nit picking on household chores:  I use too many glasses and too many spoons (you can't make this stuff up.)  In a nutshell my H was raised in poverty by a likely NPD or BPD F who was very self centered.  His wife of 60 years went to her grave with only the think wedding band on her finger.  She was his work horse and pack mule who worked two jobs so he had enough money for hunting, fishing and golf.

I am still not sure of how much activity I am allowed, but my H is already losing patience at how much "use" I am to him.  So he took off this afternoon on his motor cycle to tour the city and, of course, see his adult D (uNPD) and grandchildren.  He left the house slamming banging applicances and complaining, "Can't you do anything?"

Lack of empathy is much like autism.  They have not empathy.  People are objects to be used.  Once the initial obsession fades, the person is cast aside. 

I have my faith that retribution is in the offing.  No one mistreats someone without it biting them, at some point, in the backside. 

More than a year ago, I made a comment about the G son being the the ASD spectrum, and H flew into a rage, blaming me for wanting to cause trouble.  Now the boy is five and ready to enter school.  All the signs are there.  The parents waited years and I saw something off when he was 18 months.  What did I get in returns for my concerns?  Anger, rage and denial.

Just venting.  I am stuck in the house due to my medical condition.  For the record, 5 years ago, he literally stopped the car in city traffic, got out and left me in the passenger seat.  He's now on thyroid medication and testosterone and much better.  He still dysregulates but that is all in God's hands now.  Again, you can't make this up. 
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