Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 09:12:19 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Survey: How do you compare?
Adult Children Sensitivity
67% are highly sensitive
Romantic Break-ups
73% have five or more recycles
Physical Hitting
66% of members were hit
Depression Test
61% of members are moderate-severe
108
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Husband of 28 years Bpd came back and more of the same why am I still  (Read 732 times)
Me?

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married 28 w out a spouse
Posts: 5


« on: May 31, 2023, 06:28:44 PM »

Letting myself be abused. I am so far from who I truly am. I am so hurt. He strings me along. I can’t help but get caught up and reengaging. It’s brought me to my knees. I know intellectually how caustic…I just can’t comprehend a human can be so cruel and unfeeling when I’ve been tender and forgiving. I want desperately to be free from my own sense of hope on his behalf. Discarding 28 years is no small task. I don’t recognize myself anymore. I feel like I am being crazy in the face of his chaos.
Logged
NarcsEverywhere
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Living Together
Posts: 438


« Reply #1 on: May 31, 2023, 06:57:10 PM »

It’s terrifying to make these big changes, to reorient your life, to heal, to learn, and relearn. But it’s worth it, because you’re worth more than that. I’ll never be with someone like my BPDexGF again, I’ve come close many times, but always walked away. Pretty much no one deserves it.
« Last Edit: May 31, 2023, 07:38:08 PM by NarcsEverywhere » Logged
Me?

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married 28 w out a spouse
Posts: 5


« Reply #2 on: May 31, 2023, 07:11:49 PM »

Thank you for sharing. How did you finally resolve to get away. The pain is excruciating.
Logged
NarcsEverywhere
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Living Together
Posts: 438


« Reply #3 on: May 31, 2023, 07:31:02 PM »

I got pissed, and cut her out of my life, it was messy, I went back and forth many times, then resolved to love myself, since depending on crazy people to fix me was never going to work. I never wanted to experience such pain again.

What are your biggest obstacles to getting out? What types of pain are you experiencing?
Logged
Me?

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married 28 w out a spouse
Posts: 5


« Reply #4 on: June 01, 2023, 07:46:48 AM »

Thank you for sharing again. I appreciate it. I am in my own way, and I know it. I grew in my ability to be loving, and forgiving, maybe maladaptive. I invested so much in my family...imagining to grow old together and enjoy the fruits of our labor. I was actually alone through the relationship. I guess maybe it is putting together my rosey eyed view of what possible, with what it actually was. Then I found myself having renewed hope. He does not change. Part of me will never understand why he can't just choose love. Then I remember he doesn't even love himself, how can he love me. Basically, I guess it's the difference between my heart, and what I know intellectually. I will never truly understand just how much of a mess he is inside.
Logged
Me?

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married 28 w out a spouse
Posts: 5


« Reply #5 on: June 01, 2023, 07:48:54 AM »

The pain is maybe childhood parts...always believing everything can be fixed..

I am glad you resolved to get away. Sounds as though you are in a much healthier place...
Logged
ENG89

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 21


« Reply #6 on: June 01, 2023, 10:29:37 PM »

Thank you for sharing again. I appreciate it. I am in my own way, and I know it. I grew in my ability to be loving, and forgiving, maybe maladaptive. I invested so much in my family...imagining to grow old together and enjoy the fruits of our labor. I was actually alone through the relationship. I guess maybe it is putting together my rosey eyed view of what possible, with what it actually was. Then I found myself having renewed hope. He does not change. Part of me will never understand why he can't just choose love. Then I remember he doesn't even love himself, how can he love me. Basically, I guess it's the difference between my heart, and what I know intellectually. I will never truly understand just how much of a mess he is inside.

That is the challenge, that you continue to have hope, that they will see how everything they desire is what they repel!  I keep waiting for the ahah moment that will never come. The delusion that all their feelings are someone else's fault must be identified and fixed by them alone. My udBPDw has this self image of no one listens to me or cares what I think and every interaction we have with that lens on will always result in the distorted view of reality.

I agree that I will never understand what is going on in there, it must be hell to live that way. Projecting or blaming your spouse is a coping mechanism that does not help them and only ruins the relationship.

I have read all the books, managed the triggers, walked on eggshells, all to no avail. I have left for a few days 7 times. I have systematically tightened the boundaries and we are now to a point where a divorce is inevitable. We have been married for 33 years and I just can't live this way any longer. I am not living the life that I want to live, enabling the bad behavior.
Logged
NarcsEverywhere
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Living Together
Posts: 438


« Reply #7 on: June 03, 2023, 08:56:31 PM »

I am in a way, I know what I value, deserve and believe more, but I still got involved with the wrong people, with my rose colored glasses, and it got me into trouble again. It’s hard to change who you’re drawn to, and your old patterns can resurface. But there’s comfort in knowing you’re worth it, even if you don’t feel it everyday, it keeps me going.

Hope you feel better. No one can take away your own resolve to love yourself, that’s why it’s the most precious love you’ll ever get.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!