I need to let a little out

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

It's been a month since I ended things with my BPD girlfriend of almost 4 years. I'm not much of an active poster but I've read through all the amazing articles on this site over and over again when I'm feeling down and it's a helpful reminder that I made the right choice for myself. Despite knowing this and feeling this way, I'll out of nowhere start bouncing back and forth between remembering the loving small moments like car rides or certain songs, and then feeling betrayed immediately afterwards. "Why would you treat me like that? After everything we've built together, after everything I've done for you and the things I let you get away with." I'll find myself thinking these things and it's just hurting me like a slow poison every time.

Thinking back on all the boundaries I let her break makes me question myself. What is inherently wrong with me that I would allow someone to emotionally bully me, interrogate me, attempt to film me without consent. That's only a bit of it, but I've never felt like this in past relationships. I knew where my lines were drawn and ended things when those lines got crossed. But this time It felt like she would step over the line, erase it, and draw a new line for me that she would cross later and repeat the process. And i let her do it too. I never gave her reason not to trust me. I was always honest and open about my intentions and whenever she questioned me. The problem was, the honesty would actually upset her and I would start avoiding questions with non-answers. She said over and over that she trusted me, but it never felt like she did with all the passive aggression. Every time I let her draw that new line for me I would think that maybe, just maybe it would mean she could finally trust me. But she just kept drawing.

These thoughts have been happening less over time. Work has been busy enough to keep me distracted, although I've developed a drinking habit during the relationship that has been tough to kick.

I am thankful in knowing that I'm not alone. I've read a lot of the posts on these message boards and take comfort in knowing that we are all here to heal.

[Juantelamela]

It's been a month since I ended things with my BPD girlfriend of almost 4 years. I'm not much of an active poster but I've read through all the amazing articles on this site over and over again when I'm feeling down and it's a helpful reminder that I made the right choice for myself. Despite knowing this and feeling this way, I'll out of nowhere start bouncing back and forth between remembering the loving small moments like car rides or certain songs, and then feeling betrayed immediately afterwards. "Why would you treat me like that? After everything we've built together, after everything I've done for you and the things I let you get away with." I'll find myself thinking these things and it's just hurting me like a slow poison every time.

Thinking back on all the boundaries I let her break makes me question myself. What is inherently wrong with me that I would allow someone to emotionally bully me, interrogate me, attempt to film me without consent. That's only a bit of it, but I've never felt like this in past relationships. I knew where my lines were drawn and ended things when those lines got crossed. But this time It felt like she would step over the line, erase it, and draw a new line for me that she would cross later and repeat the process. And i let her do it too. I never gave her reason not to trust me. I was always honest and open about my intentions and whenever she questioned me. The problem was, the honesty would actually upset her and I would start avoiding questions with non-answers. She said over and over that she trusted me, but it never felt like she did with all the passive aggression. Every time I let her draw that new line for me I would think that maybe, just maybe it would mean she could finally trust me. But she just kept drawing.

These thoughts have been happening less over time. Work has been busy enough to keep me distracted, although I've developed a drinking habit during the relationship that has been tough to kick.

I am thankful in knowing that I'm not alone. I've read a lot of the posts on these message boards and take comfort in knowing that we are all here to heal.

[UnbalancedForce]

Keep feeling that emotion and cycle through the stages. I smoked enough the 3 months post breakup I lost my voice. You will kick it. If you can kick your BPD SO than you can do anything you put your head to!

[NarcsEverywhere]

Post breakup with my ex, I drank 2 pots of coffee a day, then would drink like a fish to come down. And I had a videogame addiction to League of Legends/Dota Allstars, that was soul crushing, and that destroyed my love of video games. The more you heal, the better you’ll be able to break addictions.

Well, I bet even for a non codependent person, their tricks work, so I wouldn’t blame yourself too much. Let’s give them credit, they play dumb a lot, but in a way, they’re smart and good at what they do.

[Link]

Juantelamela...I'd like to encourage you to accept wholeheartedly that you did the right thing. 4 years is a long time to be in a relationship, but 4 years is a short period of time to recognize the BPD traits and coming to a conclusion that it is just not right and not healthy for you. You are not married, as far as I know you do not have children. Be assured that you do not have any obligation to her and you are escaping a life time of misery.

I am in the camp of "married with children" to my bpd partner for many years. I just recently, in the past 4 years recognized that I have been dealing with a wife with BPD. I am virtually unrecognizable to who I used to be 26 years ago. No friends and no life. Everything given up to maintain peace. I was unaware of the slow fade. I knew it wasn't right but I was manipulated again and again.

I will continue to seek peace and pray for a change in my wife. I have committed to her and I am not abandoning her. But for you my friend, please continue in your new found freedom. Be very careful in the future to meet the right girl. Be very cautious to not fall for the initial bliss that a pwbpd offer you.

This may go against what many would post to you. But I need to tell it like it is. Trying to have a normal life with a BPD partner is nearly impossible. Be thankful to God that you made it out with your life and hopefully your sanity.