Ex BPD suddenly Backed away, replaced by new supply

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Hi there,

i would like to share my experience as a German guy ( so my English might not be perfect)
Last late summer i had a breakup so i decided to contact a female friend i used to know just to have some fun. She earlier had a relationship for 3 years with one of my best friends. I always knew she was a bit crazy but that was something that somehow attracted me. In that relationship she showed what I now am sure of, some clear borderline signs (cutting, rages, mood swings, extreme jealousy, violance) but I believed it was just how she is. After her and my  best friend broke up, she married the next guy after a year, then he left her while her being pregnant. She immediately jumped to another guy which she had a relationship whith for a year as well. In between her relationships she always contacted me and we always were somehow attracted to each other I believe,but we never met due to logistics and not being available.
So last summer I contacted her in order to hook up but without great expectation. I just wanted to have some fun as I found her attractive but just in a sexual way.
We met a couple of times and i was lovebombed from the beginning. As I am very busy I only was able to meet her at weekends at the beginning. She was very needy and texted me all the time. She then more and more criticized me for not replying immediately and also asked me wether we were in a relationship or not. I told her that I really liked her and enjoyed being with her. During the first months, what I now realized she tried to make me jealous showing me pictures of naked guys and telling me they wanted to date her.  During this relationship I was always funny, confident and in a good mood. After a couple of months  I had to tell her I could not spend the evening with her as the person who had to take care of my dog cancelled and I could not bring the dog to her as she has cats. She was very upset. I tried to apologize but she did not speak to me anymore. Thats when everything changed and she backed away. The next week I asked wether we would meet the next weekend and she replied we could but she had still feelings for her ex she said. In this moment I realized I developed feelings for her as this hurt a lot. That confused me a lot as I thought things were going well. We agreed on giving her time to heal from her past relationship. I sometimes contacted her. After 2 months she contacted and texted me for 2 weeks every day and asked for meeting up.
After we met twice, she cancelled the next date. She told me I did not show any interest in her as I fell asleep watching a movie she was excited about and wanted to watch with me ( I fell asleep as I was very tired but wanted to see her). Also she told me it looked like I just wanted sex with her.
I didn't understand what was wrong at all.
I went no contact again and she texted me a week later and seemed to be very interested again so we texted for a couple of days. 2 weeks later I texted her and asked wether she wanted to meet me. She was very friendly but said that something is changing. I knew there must have been another guy.
This was 8 weeks ago. Last week she asked me wether I would like to hang out with her and her new boyfriend. That hurt me a lot. I did not understand how she could ask me this. She also told me she wanted us to be still friends as she liked me a lot and were not allowed to tell her new boyfriend we were in a relationship. The text she wrote appeared very cold, no smileys and so on. I told her I am interested in her as a woman and that I accept her being with him. I wished her good luck with her new guy.
She then told me goodbye and didnt watch my WhatsApp stories for a week until I posted a pic of me with a cat on a couch hich indicated I am still outgoing and meet new people and so on. A minute after she saw it she posted a pic of her on her couch which indicated someone was there taking the picture. I believe she wanted to say, she has
a  boyfriend and was doing great. She doesnt have a lot of friends so it must be someone close to her. I know this was a childish move from my side but I wanted to find out what's going on.

Now I am trying to detach from her emotionally but it still hurts and somehow I think I messed up. Also I think that if I knew more about borderliner I would still be with her. Also I am somehow angry as I was replaced.
I am so confused as she sstillseemed to be interested 8 weeks ago and suddenly she wasnt as she met a new guy as she said. I also don't know how you can say boyfriend to someone after 8 weeks. Also I don't understand why she asked me to hang out with her and her new boyfriend as this could get into a very critical situation and it's hurt me a lot. I am sure this would have escalated. I did not contact her again since then

I don't understand as most people would describe me as good looking, funny, confident, good job.
In the past 4 years she has had 3 boyfriends (+the new one) one marriage and divorce. The guy she married left her during her being pregnant. All these guys we're either needy, douchbags or guys with mental issues, low educated.

Anybody who could explain what went wrong, where I messed up and why she wants me to hang out with them? Is this a kind of revenge as I was in no contact most of the time when she backed away or does she has no empathy?  Do Borderloners have empathy? Is it a form of triangulation in order to make her new bf jealous?
Is it possible I triggered her when cancelling dates mentioned above? And when we met again, was I maybe too needy, showed too much love that pushed her away?

I can't get her out of my mind what I never expected. I feel like **it I am jealous of that new guy and her being happy. I miss her.


Thank you in advance

[dodo2024]

Hi there,

i would like to share my experience as a German guy ( so my English might not be perfect)
Last late summer i had a breakup so i decided to contact a female friend i used to know just to have some fun. She earlier had a relationship for 3 years with one of my best friends. I always knew she was a bit crazy but that was something that somehow attracted me. In that relationship she showed what I now am sure of, some clear borderline signs (cutting, rages, mood swings, extreme jealousy, violance) but I believed it was just how she is. After her and my  best friend broke up, she married the next guy after a year, then he left her while her being pregnant. She immediately jumped to another guy which she had a relationship whith for a year as well. In between her relationships she always contacted me and we always were somehow attracted to each other I believe,but we never met due to logistics and not being available.
So last summer I contacted her in order to hook up but without great expectation. I just wanted to have some fun as I found her attractive but just in a sexual way.
We met a couple of times and i was lovebombed from the beginning. As I am very busy I only was able to meet her at weekends at the beginning. She was very needy and texted me all the time. She then more and more criticized me for not replying immediately and also asked me wether we were in a relationship or not. I told her that I really liked her and enjoyed being with her. During the first months, what I now realized she tried to make me jealous showing me pictures of naked guys and telling me they wanted to date her.  During this relationship I was always funny, confident and in a good mood. After a couple of months  I had to tell her I could not spend the evening with her as the person who had to take care of my dog cancelled and I could not bring the dog to her as she has cats. She was very upset. I tried to apologize but she did not speak to me anymore. Thats when everything changed and she backed away. The next week I asked wether we would meet the next weekend and she replied we could but she had still feelings for her ex she said. In this moment I realized I developed feelings for her as this hurt a lot. That confused me a lot as I thought things were going well. We agreed on giving her time to heal from her past relationship. I sometimes contacted her. After 2 months she contacted and texted me for 2 weeks every day and asked for meeting up.
After we met twice, she cancelled the next date. She told me I did not show any interest in her as I fell asleep watching a movie she was excited about and wanted to watch with me ( I fell asleep as I was very tired but wanted to see her). Also she told me it looked like I just wanted sex with her.
I didn't understand what was wrong at all.
I went no contact again and she texted me a week later and seemed to be very interested again so we texted for a couple of days. 2 weeks later I texted her and asked wether she wanted to meet me. She was very friendly but said that something is changing. I knew there must have been another guy.
This was 8 weeks ago. Last week she asked me wether I would like to hang out with her and her new boyfriend. That hurt me a lot. I did not understand how she could ask me this. She also told me she wanted us to be still friends as she liked me a lot and were not allowed to tell her new boyfriend we were in a relationship. The text she wrote appeared very cold, no smileys and so on. I told her I am interested in her as a woman and that I accept her being with him. I wished her good luck with her new guy.
She then told me goodbye and didnt watch my WhatsApp stories for a week until I posted a pic of me with a cat on a couch hich indicated I am still outgoing and meet new people and so on. A minute after she saw it she posted a pic of her on her couch which indicated someone was there taking the picture. I believe she wanted to say, she has
a  boyfriend and was doing great. She doesnt have a lot of friends so it must be someone close to her. I know this was a childish move from my side but I wanted to find out what's going on.

Now I am trying to detach from her emotionally but it still hurts and somehow I think I messed up. Also I think that if I knew more about borderliner I would still be with her. Also I am somehow angry as I was replaced.
I am so confused as she sstillseemed to be interested 8 weeks ago and suddenly she wasnt as she met a new guy as she said. I also don't know how you can say boyfriend to someone after 8 weeks. Also I don't understand why she asked me to hang out with her and her new boyfriend as this could get into a very critical situation and it's hurt me a lot. I am sure this would have escalated. I did not contact her again since then

I don't understand as most people would describe me as good looking, funny, confident, good job.
In the past 4 years she has had 3 boyfriends (+the new one) one marriage and divorce. The guy she married left her during her being pregnant. All these guys we're either needy, douchbags or guys with mental issues, low educated.

Anybody who could explain what went wrong, where I messed up and why she wants me to hang out with them? Is this a kind of revenge as I was in no contact most of the time when she backed away or does she has no empathy?  Do Borderloners have empathy? Is it a form of triangulation in order to make her new bf jealous?
Is it possible I triggered her when cancelling dates mentioned above? And when we met again, was I maybe too needy, showed too much love that pushed her away?

I can't get her out of my mind what I never expected. I feel like **it I am jealous of that new guy and her being happy. I miss her.


Thank you in advance