Does explaining illness to BPD mother matter?

[Auggie]

Has anyone tried to explain what BPD is to a BPD parent and gotten them to listen and change? Is this an unrealistic expectation? Is there really a reason for them to change?

[Turkish]

It usually doesn't go over well.

https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-to-get-borderline-into-therapy

When I was about 40, my mom admitted to me that she likely had BPD. I had known only about Depression which I learned when I was 17 and her breakdown. Later, Anxiety. She also admitted to me that she had been in therapy and diagnosed with PTSD since I was little. I wanted to scream, and you still put us through all of that? homelessness and quasi-homelessness and borderline (no pun intended) child abuse?

This is why dozens of members, guided by clinician advisors, wrote the Lessons (from Bettering, very comprehensive) and Suggested Reading (from this board) pinned to the top of all boards. The resources are for you and us, what we can do to make things better and do heal.

[Notwendy]

My mother would be resistant to that. Due to projection and denial, she assumes any issues are the fault of someone or something else. She isn't able to consider her part in them. Trying to tell her about BPD would just make her angry.

[Methuen]

I’m sorry to say that if the parent could listen and change, it most likely wouldn’t be BPD.  I think it’s much more likely that they turn and attack you, as in “how dare you?”  Then they will blame and gaslight you for being such a terrible daughter when they were such a good parent.

Much more productive to read the lessons and suggested reading that Turkish refers to.