Seeking wisdom, experience, and compassion

[Depression = 72% of members]

My parents care more about their comfort and future then anyone else. I moved across the country and haven't spoken with them since Feb 2023. I'm hurt. I miss them, but I'm unaware when they're manipulating me. I don't know who I am. I've become a culmination of whatever they wanted me to be throughout my life. I don't know how to become my own person. What do I like? What do I want to do? What can I become? How do I be an adult while trying to figure out the previous stuff. I'm scared.

[WendyDoGood]

My parents care more about their comfort and future then anyone else. I moved across the country and haven't spoken with them since Feb 2023. I'm hurt. I miss them, but I'm unaware when they're manipulating me. I don't know who I am. I've become a culmination of whatever they wanted me to be throughout my life. I don't know how to become my own person. What do I like? What do I want to do? What can I become? How do I be an adult while trying to figure out the previous stuff. I'm scared.

[Notwendy]

I think your feelings are relatable to many of us here. I have also had to "be what my parents wanted" . These are ways that we managed to get along in our families of origin. It is possible to unlearn these behaviors that don't serve us. For me, it was 12 step CODA programs- one doesn't have to have a parent who is addicted to alcohol for these groups to help- it's also for children who grow up in a dysfunctional family. Counseling can help as well. Start small with self care.

Many of these "laundry list" items were relatable for me https://adultchildren.org/literature/laundry-list/