Moving on from ex w/ BPD but still have to see her

[Depression = 72% of members]

Was with my ex for one year. First 8 months were absolutely amazing and perfect on both ends, telling me I could never do anything to get rid of her and things of that nature.. Then not too long after we first exchanged “I love you’s” she started to pull away and act more distant, not as into it as she once was. I sat down with her many times asking what was going on and tried to communicate how it was making me feel. I always got some sort of “I’m just stressed”, answer or got stonewalled.

So the relationship continued on and we had this conversation once or twice a month for the next few months, and she just kept getting more and more distant. And I kept doing more and more to try and help her be less stressed and tried to do anything I could to get intimately closer to her. All throughout this process we planned our entire future together down to the detail, kids, engagement, house, everything.

 We went on vacation just after the year mark and it was amazing, but when we got home it was immediately back to the same distant relationship where she didn’t seem like she wanted to be there and put in no effort.  I finally became fed up and suggested we take a “break” and she convinced me she had a lot of stuff she needed to work on before she was ready to give me what I needed. We decided to mutually break up and acknowledged that we both love and respected eachother and hoped to find our way back some day.

A few days later I went by her house to get the rest of my things and found a pros and cons list of me and a guys she worked with. (All superficial) for her to decide if she wanted to be with me. I also noticed that she wrote down a lot about her BPD, which I had previously known nothing about and she still doesn’t know I know.. I confronted her about the list and she didn’t have much to say other than the fact that she had feelings for this guy the entire time we were together and that they had started talking and she had developed even more feelings. She has since blocked me on everything and has gone out of her way to play the victim of the entire situation and act like I never existed.

I was not perfect by any means but never disrespected her and I  treated her extremely well, and even started therapy myself when I was still with her because I was developing extreme anxiety. I now have see her as we are in similar circles and I am having a hard time processing eveything, she won’t even look in my general direction or come near me.
 

[Boomer27]

Was with my ex for one year. First 8 months were absolutely amazing and perfect on both ends, telling me I could never do anything to get rid of her and things of that nature.. Then not too long after we first exchanged “I love you’s” she started to pull away and act more distant, not as into it as she once was. I sat down with her many times asking what was going on and tried to communicate how it was making me feel. I always got some sort of “I’m just stressed”, answer or got stonewalled.

So the relationship continued on and we had this conversation once or twice a month for the next few months, and she just kept getting more and more distant. And I kept doing more and more to try and help her be less stressed and tried to do anything I could to get intimately closer to her. All throughout this process we planned our entire future together down to the detail, kids, engagement, house, everything.

 We went on vacation just after the year mark and it was amazing, but when we got home it was immediately back to the same distant relationship where she didn’t seem like she wanted to be there and put in no effort.  I finally became fed up and suggested we take a “break” and she convinced me she had a lot of stuff she needed to work on before she was ready to give me what I needed. We decided to mutually break up and acknowledged that we both love and respected eachother and hoped to find our way back some day.

A few days later I went by her house to get the rest of my things and found a pros and cons list of me and a guys she worked with. (All superficial) for her to decide if she wanted to be with me. I also noticed that she wrote down a lot about her BPD, which I had previously known nothing about and she still doesn’t know I know.. I confronted her about the list and she didn’t have much to say other than the fact that she had feelings for this guy the entire time we were together and that they had started talking and she had developed even more feelings. She has since blocked me on everything and has gone out of her way to play the victim of the entire situation and act like I never existed.

I was not perfect by any means but never disrespected her and I  treated her extremely well, and even started therapy myself when I was still with her because I was developing extreme anxiety. I now have see her as we are in similar circles and I am having a hard time processing eveything, she won’t even look in my general direction or come near me.
 

[once removed]

ouch. im sorry. thats a pretty awful way to be broken up with.

how are you holding up? how often is seeing her/being around an issue?

[Boomer27]

Holding up okay at best, trying to make sense of it all is consuming me a bit.

The things she’s said and victim status has made me feel like it was my fault when I know that it wasn’t.

She has unfriended everyone’s she’s met through me because she said “she made an unforgivable mistake and is beyond embarrassed and thinks that’s what I’d want. Truth is I don’t know what I want, I want her to go away and get out of my life.

I have seen her once since the breakup (she works at a barn where my friends and I ride our horses) she wouldn’t come within 100 feet of me or even look my direction. Where she works is where all of my friends and social network is so seeing her is inevitable, im scared it is going to set me back in my healing process. Knowing that she has so easily moved on and had zero emotion or feelings toward me hurts, and when I see her I am reminded of that.