After 11 Years and a 5-year-old daughter my ex-partner left

[Cativolo]

Hello everyone, I am pleased to have found this site and i could really use the support and advice
Here is a little breakdown as to what happened.
Challenging to say the least, this last month I have been through the worst experience in my life.
My ex for 11 years was having an affair and when I found evidence and calmly, I confronted her she fled taking my 5-year-old girl and lying to her side of the family and even worst to the courts getting a temporary restraining order with domestic violence and a child.
I haven't seen my child in 28 days and was not even able to say goodbye, She also had the court issue a no contact order so not even a daily phone call to my daughter and we had a special relationship.
I never imagined this pain and anxiety could exist, most of the days I have goose bumps and my hair is standing up on my arms, the first week I broke out i a stress rash and now have lost 10 pounds and have had my sleeping pattern all upside-down because it is difficult to sleep when I know I should be learning how the courts work.
Before leaving me, she spent 40K over the money I would provide her because she never worked leaving all the burden on me to provide every expense.
She took this money without asking me and all for cosmetic beauty treatments.

I'm a general contractor and in March 2023 I remodeled her older daughter's kitchen and then her other daughters master bathroom and I did all the labor myself and did not charge them anything. I'm a kindhearted person always been a giver.

I am having a difficult time understanding how and why she would do this to me causing so much pain.

My only hope and what is keeping me alive is the support from my mother and knowing that the truth is on my side and even though she is a very good liar she has no proof to show for her claims on her declaration she provided to the court.
On our first hearing 8/29/23 I had waited 30 days and she arrived without a lawyer asking for a continuation so another 30 days of suffering.

[kells76]

Hi Cativolo and welcome to the group 

The stress of when your child's other parent withholds contact is beyond description. It makes a lot of sense that intellectually, you can say "I know I should be learning about how the courts work", yet the overwhelm makes it so difficult to function. How have you been doing the last few weeks?

It can be a long process coming to understand the "why's" of BPD behavior. One short answer is that many pwBPD (persons with BPD) experience their own feelings as facts/truth about the world, instead of the other way around. If in one moment she "felt" like you had hurt her, then that became an eternal fact in her mind, and she may have felt justified in that moment to do hurtful things back. It isn't necessarily about anything you actually did or didn't do.

I'm so glad to hear that your mother is supportive. When my H and I were coping with hurtful things coming from his kids' mom (who has many BPD traits), support from our parents was so important and kept us going.

Where are you at with the continuations? Do you have a lawyer/solicitor/representation?

We'll be here for you;

kells76