Need emotional support

[Bbyro]

I have reached the end of the road with the abuse from my 26 year old daughter. I am now ready to seriously initiate no contact. I am choosing peace and health. To this end I need emotional help. I am in the UK and am trying to find a counsellor or therapist who understands personality disorders who can help me. I have tried with regular counsellors but end up spending the whole session trying to teach them about bpd so they can help me. Can anyone recommend someone to me? Ideally in the UK but not necessarily as we can deal with time zones if work over zoom.
Or point me in direction of where I may find someone experienced in this area?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[AcheyMom]

I agree, having someone who is knowledgeable about BPD is paramount.  I’m so tired of telling the huge backstory only to end up looking like I’m the problem.  Just yesterday I was explaining to my lawyer about my daughter’s rage texts.  How I’ll receive text after text berating me when she’s not well.  I could almost feel through the phone her judgement.  I’m sure she thought “wow this lady must be a really awful mom for her daughter to do that!” .  Or years ago when I was trying to express to my therapist that my daughters demands were making me anxious and burning me out and he told me to “keep giving, it will take your mind off your anxiety”.  Have also dealt with social workers that just want to enable my daughter.  So frustrating.  I live in Canada but I do know of a qualified psychologist that works out of the US.  She does YouTube videos to help people deal with high conflict people.  Also has a podcast called “Save Your Sanity”.  Her name is Dr. Roberta Shaler.  I joined her Emerging Empowered group where she has AMA (Ask Me Anything) sessions 3 times per month.  I was able to talk with her and she is the first person that I felt was on my side

[Bbyro]

Wow that’s so helpful- sounds like you’ve had really similar experiences to me. I will check out Roberta Shaler vids right now.

[AcheyMom]

Sorry, the last part of my response was cut off.  I don’t remember what else I wrote.  Maybe that her fee for one on one therapy is very expensive.  But she does have the group you can be part of in that includes 3 group sessions per month that you can ask her anything.  I also have a question for you.  Do you find yourself feeling anxious about meeting anyone that’s been involved with your daughter?  For fear about what far-fetched tails or victim stories she has concocted about you?  My daughter has been making up stories since her teens to garner sympathy or get what she wants from people.  Example:  if she thought the rules in someone else's home were more relaxed she would tell the family we kicked her out with the hopes of staying with them. I believe it’s called “character assassination”.  It’s not bothering me so much anymore because I see her do it to friends, boyfriends, landlords, healthcare workers etc.  So I take it less personally but I still always wonder what people she brings around think of us.

[AcheyMom]

I just remembered what I wrote that didn’t make it in my original post.  Dr. Shaler did a video about when your adult child is a narcissist.  I believe she gives you 11 things not to do.  It was very informative and I have watched it a few times now.  Borderline and Narcissistic Personality Disorder share similar traits.  Dr. Shaler actually rarely uses actual diagnoses, she just refers to high conflict people as “Highjackels” which she defines in nearly every video. 

[Bbyro]

That is very helpful. My daughter has clear narc personality traits. She also has a bipolar diagnosis and I wonder if this is part of a manic episode. Whatever she has, she will not acknowledge any of it and prefers the ‘terrible mum causes all my problems ‘ narrative.

[AcheyMom]

My daughter also has bipolar.  She goes into denial about that diagnosis and won’t acknowledge it.  She was hospitalized this summer for a psychotic episode.  She stops taking her meds and self medicated with drugs and alcohol.  And like your daughter, mine also blames mom for her behaviour.

[Bbyro]

How do you deal with this emotionally? My daughter is accusing me of abuse by fabricating her mental health condition by n order to feed my ego. The truth is she initiated the diagnosis process not me. She will take no accountability at all on anything and literally everything is apparently my fault.  Only contact is her raging anger. My health is in tatters which is why I want to exclude her from my life. This is why I want emotional support but cannot find a counsellor who ‘believes’ bpd.