The Bible and Marriage (Christian discussion)

[understandBPD]

Evil women do exist, as do evil men.  You seem to view all or most women as evil

Only when i witness them behave in rebellious / evil ways do i start to form that view.

The Bible's warning about evil women was so that you would avoid them.  You chose to marry this one.

When i met my wife and spent time with her all the way up to when we got married she never behaved in any way that could be viewed as destructive or evil. She was the sweetest most innocent woman i had ever met and could not believe i was lucky enough to find such an amazing woman.

Even when being honest with her about my feelings towards some women she was in full agreement with me and the way she spoke about how a woman should carry herself was exactly what i thought as well.

Viewing your spouse as evil, is seriously going to limit your ability to reconcile to her.

I don't view her as evil but she is hurting me right now and i put a lot of trust in her in many different ways including bringing her here which was expensive and time consuming with no guarantee whatsoever other than to trust her word. I put my trust in her to not hurt me or break my heart she knows the damage she can/has done and does not seem to care. This is why i say women are inherently more spiteful.

I could never treat someone the way she is treating me and i have never done this to anyone. Even when i was angry at her for something i wouldn't treat her this poorly if she was ever upset or in need of help i would always be there for her yet when i needed her she abandoned me and didn't look back. How am i meant to view the woman i promised to be with till death when she's abandoned me over such minor things and is willing to destroy her marriage as well ?

I think it would be difficult to maintain a relationship with someone who believes they are fundamentally prone to evil, spitefulness, and rebelliousness.

It's not even a belief it's what i've seen and what im experiencing right now.

It makes sense to be cautious of evil people but if one assumes all women are more prone to evil, then one would inevitably be on guard with all of them.

Can you explain to me why God gave men authority over women ?
Can you explain why biblically God warns men of rebellious , evil and contentious women ?
Can you explain to me why women initiate most divorces ?
Can you explain to me why more men commit suicide than women ?
Can you explain why women usually come out ontop during divorce and child custody ?

If my wife was not behaving this way and doing things she knows really hurt me i wouldn't feel the way i do. We both made mistakes i'm the 1 who has actively kept the relationship together sacrificed everything for her including financially and who has travelled back and forth to be with her. I've actively tried to forgive her for everything apologize to her and show her how important she is to me.

She does not care about anything to do with me or our marriage and is persuing divorce which she knows is biblically wrong and her own words were the absolute worst thing that could happen to a family and she would never consider it an option.

She is now a married woman who is associating with other men while married while her husband is trying to improve the situation she ignores her husband all of these actions are of a evil spiteful and cruel nature this isn't some poor innocent woman who's a victim of something terrible.

Yes it is extremely hard to not feel a certain way when someone is doing things to do you and treating you in the exact way your warned about and then people are telling you oh but u should just not see her like that sure its easy to say that but not so easy in practice.

If she showed some sort of respect to me or any kind of biblical behaviour at all then it would be much easier right now she's broken all her promises vowels and her word she's persuing a sinful action of divorce and she's ignoring her husband and is being destructive blowing up her marriage all because she is self sabotaging.

Saying this to her does nothing venting it here helps me to at least express the frustration i feel inside from experiencing this.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Fian]

I think venting here is good, and it is understandable that you are in pain in this situation.  One thing, I would caution you, though.  She has hurt you, but most likely her intention was not to hurt you.  Her intention was to protect herself.  She is doing what she thinks is right for her, not what she thinks would cause you maximum pain.  You can call if selfish, but calling it evil is probably going too far.

Can you explain to me why God gave men authority over women ?
Can you explain why biblically God warns men of rebellious , evil and contentious women ?
Can you explain to me why women initiate most divorces ?
Can you explain to me why more men commit suicide than women ?
Can you explain why women usually come out ontop during divorce and child custody ?

1.  Bible doesn't say, my guess is to promote harmony in a marriage.  If both sides are equal, there would be constant fighting for control.
2.  It might help if you provided some verses.  Proverbs talks about the adulterous woman and how it can destroy a man.  Avoiding those who are evil is important in avoiding harm and following God.
3.  In Western countries, divorce laws favor women.  They can get half of what a man has acquired, full custody of their children, and spouse support for many years after the divorce is final.  With those incentives, it is understandable for women to initiate a divorce and for an unhappy man to conclude "it is cheaper to keep her."
4.  I believe suicide rates are about the same, however men are more likely to be successful in their suicide attempt.  Overall, it shows that both sexes are quite unhappy in the modern world.
5.  See #3.

[understandBPD]

You can call if selfish, but calling it evil is probably going too far.

Evil - profoundly immoral and wicked.
Immoral - not conforming to accepted standards of morality.
Wicked - evil or morally wrong. / playfully mischievous.

Explain to me what part of abandoning your husband associating with other men ignoring him and wanting a divorce does not fit the definition of evil biblically ?

1.Bible doesn't say, my guess is to promote harmony in a marriage.  If both sides are equal, there would be constant fighting for control.

Because men are better decision makers and the original sin was committed through Eve onto Adam the moral of the story is man should not obey woman and woman should obey man. This is why throughout all the bible there are verses of men having authority over women and for women to be silent and have meek and quiet spirits and goes further to warn again contentious , rebellious argumentative women and that men should avoid these women at all costs.

Once married biblically your wife should not "turn into" 1 of these women if she does then she's being evil / rebellious and sinful in old times it wouldn't be tolerated. In todays society its seen as fine and men get the blame.

2.  It might help if you provided some verses.  Proverbs talks about the adulterous woman and how it can destroy a man.  Avoiding those who are evil is important in avoiding harm and following God.

Based on KJV (The only bible version i read and accept as true)

Proverbs 5:6 (all of proverbs basically talks about evil / bad women)
Proverbs 7:24-26
Mark 10:12
1 Timothy 5:13
Genesis 3:16 (God punishing eve with childbirth and saying her husband will RULE over thee)
1 Timothy 2:15 (Childbirth being a way for a woman to be saved guessing becoming a mother helps defeat that original sin evil)

Already mentioned  Delilah, Salome, Potiphar’s Wife, Jezebel and Eve

We can turn this into a bible debate the bibles very clear about evil women the role of a wife who has authority over them and its pretty obvious why.

Satan used Eve to get to Adam (women are a mans weakness) Throughout history men have fallen to women including kingdoms people have died because of a love for a woman etc if you were to ask me how many things could trully break me in this life i could easily count them on 1 hand and 1 of those would be what my wife is doing to me right now what does that say.

Satan uses women / tempts them to destroy men to destroy the family to destroy Gods creation and plan (marriage) and he uses women to tempt men to sin and be unfaithful to also destroy families and marriages.

If my wife was trully bibilical and God fearing she would act like a christian show love and forgiveness allow me to also fullfill my duty as a her husband to apologize humble myself for my mistakes put down my pride and stubborness and to serve her and keep our marriage together. Because she isn't following Gods word or behaving in a christian way satan is misleading her into a path of destruction and to destroy our marriage and ruin both of our lives.

I believe every woman and probably men also have a battle they fight inside them against evil desires its part of the "flesh" satan has deceived women to be rebellious against men he tricks them this is how feminism destroyed women it gave them a taste for power and independance at the expense of men. What has happened to marriages and the family unit in society now has been a gradual decay. Some women overcome this evil and submit themselves to there husbands and leave very happy and peaceful lives others embrace it and destroy mens lives and also there own at the same time. It isn't until much later in life they start to regret it especially if it leads to divorce / having no children etc.

I think about all of this and it pains me greatly because i consider myself a pretty good person overall i have some flaws for sure pride/stubborness/lacking in communication skills etc

But i don't drink , smoke , do any drugs , no porn i lead a decently healthy life i have a good heart im kind and charitable and willing to always help people and animals as well i would do almost anything to help my wife and sacrifice myself for her if needed. Yet im treated like this and being dragged down a destructive path into divorce.

I read stories of husbands who bash there wives have cheated on them multiple times and wife stays with them and works through it this to me is absolutely mindblowing if i did something like this to my wife id expect her to leave no questions asked yet these people overcome some of the most difficult situations life could probably throw at you.

Mine ? had difficult time in life was depressed wife kept fighting with me so decided to abandon me and not give me a single chance to fix it ? Amazing woman super loyal couldn't of asked for more and people keep throwing it at me like oh you shouldn't think of her like this. Like seriously seeing the person you love literally abandon you and wants to divorce you is the most demoralizing trust breaking sad sinful thing you could ever see the person you love do to you ontop of attention seeking from other men.

[Pook075]

Can you explain to me why God gave men authority over women ?

The simple answer is that God did not give man authority over women, but it's often misinterpreted that way.  God gave a husband authority over his wife, but he also said, "Love your wife like Jesus loves the church."  And if you follow the gospels, Jesus was humble and submissive to his followers, putting their needs above His own.  The image of Jesus washing the feet of sick or lost comes to mind- He was above them, yet His demeanor was to serve them.  That's how a man loves his wife.

Where you're getting a little confused is where the wife is supposed to "Submit to her husband like she submits to the Lord."  Again though, our God is loving and nurturing, slow to anger and instantly forgives our wrongs.  That's the type of husband that the wife is supposed to submit to...and it's hard to have one without the other.  A wife should not submit to an abusive husband or vise versa.  Both sides are called to love and submit.

Can you explain why biblically God warns men of rebellious, evil and contentious women ?

This is also taken out of context because we're all sinners washed by the blood of the lamb when we seek atonement. Believing that some people are good while others are evil is a worldly concept that goes against Biblical teachings. If you can be saved through faith in Jesus, then anyone can...regardless of how dark their past. Likewise, if someone believes that they're better than others, then they are (1) judging others despite commandments not to and (2) not submitting to God in humility like we're called to do.

To answer the question more directly, the Bible specifically says not to lay with non-believers (or anyone for that matter, before marriage). But once you do, you're commanded to marry them. Being unequally yoked with a non-believer will lead to hardship and struggles, but you are commanded to stay with that person because they are sanctified through your faith (or vise versa). The only time that's not true is if they choose to walk away...and even then, the previous answer on authority remains in effect.

The other questions are not Biblical in nature so I'll let others answer them.  I hope that helps.

In terms of a letter to your wife, I think it's a good idea if you're writing it to truly apologize with no other ulterior motives.  We are called to forgive others as the Lord forgives us for our sins, and I actually feel like forgiving your wife is more important in your spiritual growth than apologizing.  I'll go back to the earlier questions you asked and point out that you're still her husband, so you're called to love and cherish her in a very specific way...in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health.  

This is clearly a bad time and she's sick, which means she deserves love, compassion, and mercy.

If you are writing the letter simply to try to win her back, it is probably a bad move.  If your feelings aren't genuine, then don't send it.  If you're not truly sorry for everything that's happened, don't send it.  And if you can't forgive her but expecting forgiveness, then definitely don't send it.

My advice is very simple.  Pray about this and reflect.  Dig into the Bible and see how it calls you to love.  Attend church and talk to your pastor or other senior members.  Let God guide you on the next steps and there's no way everything won't work out for the better.  God's plan is always better than our plan, but we have to be willing to submit everything to Him.

[BPDFamily]

We split this discussion of the "The Bible and Marriage (Christian discussion)" from "IV. Writing an apology letter (Christian discussion)"

They are related topics but each each is important enough to command a dedicated thread.

[Fian]

A wife should not submit to an abusive husband or vise versa.

This statement is not biblical.  In fact, a wife submitting to an abusive husband is probably a lot better approach than resisting him.  That doesn't mean a husband should be abusive.

Believing that some people are good while others are evil is a worldly concept that goes against Biblical teachings

No one is good, Romans 3:23, but I would disagree that no one is evil.  I would reject the belief that women are more evil than men.

the Bible specifically says not to lay with non-believers (or anyone for that matter, before marriage)

The text says to not be unequally yoked.  Prohibition of extra-marital sex (fornication) is universal.

In general, there is a tension between how the Western world view the role of women in society and relation, and the views during Biblical times.  Our natural tendency is to assume we have it right now, but this is also a very perverse generation.  Even if the practice during Biblical times is actually correct, you will most likely be living with a spouse that prefers the more permissive standards of the West.  Trying to hold to the Biblical times standard today with a spouse that disagrees, may cause too much marital strife, on the other hand you wouldn't want to totally abandon your Biblical role earlier.