Girlfriend outburst and then silent treatment. BPD Relapse?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hey all, this is my first post on this site.. I am looking for some moral support/advice dealing with a GF of 6 years, with what I believe as undiagnosed BPD. My goodness, all the traits are there.

I have been experiencing some pain in dealing with a recent situation. My, GF had another emotional outburst due to what I believe as regular life stress mid week last week. We’ve been through these cycles many times, one of which causing her to abandon our engagement and shut me out. Recently, however we have been doing so well for almost over a year.

The last time we got back together I set clear boundaries.. I have tried to be supportive and loving and understanding to this situation. But she lost her cool when I was letting her vent, which turned into her screaming about wanting to rip her car off the road.. and then she hung up on me. Ironically, all I was doing was being supportive. She texted me a few minutes later since I didn’t respond to the suicide talk saying “I could have been dead and you didn’t even call me back”.. the emotional roller coaster has been exhausting.

Since the conversation, when I check up on her she’s very short and acts like she wants nothing to do with me.. as if I did something to cause it. Why am I always being blamed and then shut out in the cold for days/weeks?

[TappingOut99]

Hey all, this is my first post on this site.. I am looking for some moral support/advice dealing with a GF of 6 years, with what I believe as undiagnosed BPD. My goodness, all the traits are there.

I have been experiencing some pain in dealing with a recent situation. My, GF had another emotional outburst due to what I believe as regular life stress mid week last week. We’ve been through these cycles many times, one of which causing her to abandon our engagement and shut me out. Recently, however we have been doing so well for almost over a year.

The last time we got back together I set clear boundaries.. I have tried to be supportive and loving and understanding to this situation. But she lost her cool when I was letting her vent, which turned into her screaming about wanting to rip her car off the road.. and then she hung up on me. Ironically, all I was doing was being supportive. She texted me a few minutes later since I didn’t respond to the suicide talk saying “I could have been dead and you didn’t even call me back”.. the emotional roller coaster has been exhausting.

Since the conversation, when I check up on her she’s very short and acts like she wants nothing to do with me.. as if I did something to cause it. Why am I always being blamed and then shut out in the cold for days/weeks?

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[Pook075]

Since the conversation, when I check up on her she’s very short and acts like she wants nothing to do with me.. as if I did something to cause it. Why am I always being blamed and then shut out in the cold for days/weeks?

Hello and welcome to the forums- thanks so much for sharing. A few things are going on here.

First, when someone with BPD is dysregulated, they'll lash out at those closest to them and SAY "get away from me, leave me alone, you're a bad person, etc." while they FEEL "please run in and save me!"  And as partners, we tend to focus so much on the words that we completely overlook the emotions or where they're actually coming from.

So when they say things like "you're not nice to me", they actually mean, "I'm having a horrible day and I reached out to you because I love you and trust you and I'm freaking out right now and trying to explain it to you but you're sitting there without reacting and doing nothing to support me and I thought you loved me but obviously you don't because you're not helping me fix my problem even though I just explained it to you perfectly."

Make sense?

Your partner was unstable and mentioned suicide, which was a cry for help.  And I realize how tough that is from our side- was it real or imaginary in the moment?  Should we dial 9-1-1?  Or maybe the more likely scenario is that she says it so much, nobody takes it seriously. But here's the thing, a cry for help is a cry for help and you didn't give her the emotional support she needed in the moment.

Now, I get that you're saying that you did listen and support her, but you're asking a very complicated question here- why are you being blamed? The answer is that she doesn't feel supported in these types of situations, that's why she blames you. We're talking about her feelings here and feelings are real, they're valid...especially to someone with BPD.  The reason why those feelings are there almost doesn't matter because your goal is to stop those feelings of loneliness and insecurity before they build up into something more (like, I'm going to kill myself).

Did she kill herself?  No.  But she was so desperate to get a reaction from you, she tried to manipulate you into action.  And when that failed, she felt scared and alone.  She's distant now because she's pretty convinced that you don't care if she lives or dies.

Now, that's completely unfair and it's an impossible standard to live up to 100% of the time, so please don't think I'm judging here.  We all fail at this at times and in tense situations, we'll sometimes respond in the worst possible way.  We're human after all.  The way you fix this though is to address it directly and apologize for not being there when she was an emotional wreck.  Again, the words don't matter nearly as much as the emotion driving them, so don't get down in the weeds with arguments that nobody will ever win.  Just focus on steering her emotions back to a balanced place.

I hope that helps and again, I'm not judging.  I simply tried to answer your question as completely as I could.  The sticky links along the top of the page are great for picking up some practical tools to put these words into action.  It's a journey, but you can get there if you decide to try to make this work. 

On the other hand, you now have a better understanding about what "make this work" actually means. It will be a process and it won't always be fair. I hope you'll take some time and make an informed decision on how to proceed.  Take some me-time outside of the relationship since that helps as well.  Good luck friend!

[TappingOut99]

Thank you for taking the time to respond to me. I guess I’m just the most hurt that I have been basically discarded. Blocked everywhere and haven’t heard from her in 3 days.. I reached out everyday to check on her and tell her I loved her and was praying. Even when I called it was a tone as if I was the problem.. which sucks. I gave space, and it resulted in me being tossed out.

[Pook075]

Thank you for taking the time to respond to me. I guess I’m just the most hurt that I have been basically discarded. Blocked everywhere and haven’t heard from her in 3 days.. I reached out everyday to check on her and tell her I loved her and was praying. Even when I called it was a tone as if I was the problem.. which sucks. I gave space, and it resulted in me being tossed out.

No problem at all, everyone is here to support you and this is a safe-zone.  Feel free to rant, ask questions, or anything in between.

My relationship ended 14 months ago and at the time, I felt like it was the end of the world.  Friends who knew my wife and I for decades told me to give it time and see what happens, but that felt so impossible.  But I'm okay now and in a great place in life.  In time, you will be as well and the first step is to spend some time focusing on yourself and figuring out what matters to you in this world outside of a relationship.

Good luck and again, don't hesitate to ask questions!

[TappingOut99]

Wait..so is this her way of ending the relationship? It seems like self sabotage.. what a weird way for us to end 6 years together..

[Rev]

Wait..so is this her way of ending the relationship? It seems like self sabotage.. what a weird way for us to end 6 years together..

Hi Chris ... I'll join Pook in saying hello.

I won't stick myself into this conversation too deeply 'cause you two have a head of steam going. At the same time, let me tell you that making sense of how people with BPD settle conflict is a no-win situation.

You really need to take things in the moment. People who are like this (BPD traits or full on condition) live in a world of what I call "feelings based facts".  What I mean by this, is that if they feel it, they need an immediate reason for it - so the highs are really high and the lows are pretty low - and because the lows are SUPER challenging, people with BPD tend to project blame to shed their shame. 

So yes - ending and relationship could appear to someone from the outside as self sabotage. Both can be true at the same time because you and she are not looking at things through a totally different lenses.

Hope this helps make things clearer.

Hang in there.

Reach out any time.

Rev

[once removed]

But she lost her cool when I was letting her vent, which turned into her screaming about wanting to rip her car off the road.. and then she hung up on me. Ironically, all I was doing was being supportive.

what was actually said here?

what was she venting about? what did you say? what was the rip her car off the road about?

there were definitely misfires in communication between the two of you, but it isnt clear where or how.

[TappingOut99]

She got mad at me for reminding her that we were on the same team when I told her though I thought she should talk to someone about learning some coping strategies to regulate her “bad days” emotionally by finding some tools to help calm her... calmly reminded her that I was there to support her, but I wouldn’t be a verbal punching bag too. Just a boundary of respect. That we could get through it to get her but we needed to be respectful of each other.. she flipped and that’s when she threatened to rip the car off the road and hung up… it was when I didn’t call back right away.. (just wanted to let it cool off.. seemed to work in the past).. she texted “I could have been dead and you didn’t even call”..

[once removed]

okay, that helps.

so, she was venting, and you suggested coping strategies and talking to someone, and she blew up, do i have that right?

[Pook075]

Wait..so is this her way of ending the relationship? It seems like self sabotage.. what a weird way for us to end 6 years together..

Hey Chris.  It's only been a few days buddy and feelings are all over the place.  Give this some time to sort itself out and use that time to regain your focus.  This is not your fault and you did nothing wrong.  BPD is incredibly complex and its a journey towards building a strong, healthy relationship when things are tough.

To answer your question directly, this is her way of being scared and avoiding a problem.  That does not mean the relationship is over by any means.  Your mention of her getting support when she was highly unstable was probably the catalyst since that's not a truth she is ready to consider.  Again, not your fault...it was a mis-step that you couldn't have foreseen.

You have some great support here already, so please continue to ask questions and talk through this.  Everyone here is on your side and wants the best possible outcome.

[TappingOut99]

I appreciate the responses. I may have been too brief in my explanation though. I didn’t just jump right into talking to someone. I was woken up at 2:30am by a very frantic (and spiritual) girlfriend venting uncontrollably about her vaping habit and how the Holy Spirit convicted her to quit.. which (according to her) I handled very well.. this uncontrollable emotion lasted the entire day.. when we spoke, I listened and empathized and told her “man I get what you’re going through, I have days that feel like that too” which (according to her) I also handled very well..

It wasn’t until I found her struggling to get out of the rut of her inability to regulate her emotions, that maybe we could talk to someone about how to handled the bad days.. she is not in therapy, and she’s technically not even diagnosed with BPD.. but the characteristics coupled w her ADHD have all the boxes checked. She finds it very difficult to regulate… then the rage takes over..

I wasn’t trying to be insensitive, I honestly thought I had spent the majority of the day just listening.. but I thought I was being a good partner to tell her we could explore some new tricks together.. I had no idea I guess how that would be interpreted by her.

I’m pretty confident the relationship is over. She was really pushing to get married.. while admittedly I was waiting to see if things would get better for her and seek treatment. I didn’t want to enter a marriage with someone who had to leave me for days at a time to regulate. It’s just not the family dynamic I wanted with my kids I’d be bringing into it.

I love her and I want her to heal and find a way to make it manageable.. but I guess in my effort to support her towards that, it had the reverse effect.

[Pook075]

I feel for you Chris and it sounds like you did everything the best you could.  I know it's hard to hear right now, but try not to take this personally.  This happened due to mental illness and unstable thinking, which is not something that any of us are experts in.  This is not your fault.

Please let us know if there's any other questions we can answer.  We're here for you!

[Rev]

I feel for you Chris and it sounds like you did everything the best you could.  I know it's hard to hear right now, but try not to take this personally.  This happened due to mental illness and unstable thinking, which is not something that any of us are experts in.  This is not your fault.

Please let us know if there's any other questions we can answer.  We're here for you!

I just want to second that....

There is just never any way to truly predict what impact our efforts will have - no matter how well intentioned.   Pook said it right - this is not your fault.

Hang in there.

Reach out any time.

Rev

[TappingOut99]

I appreciate the support, and at the end of the day I’m just sad because I know I can’t “fix it” for her. God knows I would if I could.. It hurts but I do my best to not take it personally. It sucks to see someone who is so beautiful underneath all this struggle like this when the ones who love them truly love them and rally for them. I don’t like to believe the whole “she wasn’t real” talk.. true or not. The girl I fell in love with slipped into something that took her by storm.. but the girl underneath is beautiful, and loving and caring and loves Jesus.. which is probably what made me endure as much as I have. It just sucks to see it end like this. It’s just not sustainable without treatment and I’m afraid going on 7 years untreated and me at 41 years old and her only 31.. I just don’t want to risk ruining my life if she can’t ever get a handle on it.. and I feel awful saying it.. but it’s how I feel.

I love her very much. And I hate this.

[once removed]

I’m pretty confident the relationship is over. She was really pushing to get married.. while admittedly I was waiting to see if things would get better for her and seek treatment. I didn’t want to enter a marriage with someone who had to leave me for days at a time to regulate. It’s just not the family dynamic I wanted with my kids I’d be bringing into it.

i had a similar position. my ex and i fought tooth and nail, constantly. right or wrong, whoever was, i couldnt imagine us functioning like that, and trying to raise a child together in harmony. some couples fight hard and fight often, but they resolve their conflict in a healthy way, that both models good conflict resolution for children, and avoids exposing them to toxicity. my ex and i (had no children) could not demonstrate the ability to do that.

im of the mind that almost any reason is valid for a breakup. i had a friend confide in me that she broke up with her boyfriend because he ate ice cream with a fork. that is probably an extreme position that would limit anyones ability to have a relationship, and at the same time, probably a greater kindness to free him for someone less, lets say, rigid, and for someone better suited.

this goes a bit deeper than that obviously, but it comes down to, whether this conflict is resolvable or not, and whether you want to resolve it or not. your time together, critical, but not ultimately withstanding, depends on whether this is the sort of conflict that can be resolved. whether love is enough. and whether you want to reconcile or walk away, the path is not dissimilar. the first step is recognizing the conflict, the disparity, the enormity. the next is assessing whether it can realistically be resolved and how, or not. to do so is a tall order, because by that point, there is usually a great deal of breakdown in the relationship. to say "we cant resolve this as a team" and walk away, is its own form of conflict resolution, and something many of us have struggled with.

in my own case, i know now that yes, i could have handled the conflict far better. regardless, ultimately, we were not meant to be. while i dont think my outcome has any bearing on your or anyone elses situation, i think thats part of the crux for everyone on this (Bettering) board, determining what can realistically improve, and what is required to live with.

I don’t like to believe the whole “she wasn’t real” talk.. true or not.

it was (and is) real. you were there. you saw it, lived it, experienced it. you would not be in the impossible position youre in if it werent. its not a commentary on your relationship to say that relationships are not always as we see them, but that doesnt make them, or our loved ones "not real". when you get into BPD pathology, there can be a great deal of insecurity to compensate and front for things, which is where i think that notion comes from, but, for perspective, ive probably told every girl ive ever been with that she was the most beautiful girl in the world. i meant it with all my heart, and its obviously not something that i can say holds true today. thats the sad nature of breakups; it doesnt make what you have experienced "not real". if you are reading sources telling you that, i would respectfully suggest that theyre full of  .

i moved your thread here to the Bettering board because this very much feels unresolved. do you want to try to save this, or do you want to walk away from it? no pressure to answer that directly at this point, when i imagine things are weighing their hardest. but while both paths are not dissimilar, there are moves you can make, or not make, either way.

[Pook075]

I don’t like to believe the whole “she wasn’t real” talk.. true or not.

I second that- it was all very real and it quite possibly still is.

Your girlfriend will decide what she wants to do in the days/weeks to come, but it is important for you to realize that you also have a choice in this matter.  With BPD, walking away and returning is par for the course, and a good bit of members here have had 2nd (and 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th) chances to rekindle their love over time.  For some, it was an amazing turn and they were able to make real progress.  For others, it led to extended heartbreak and trauma.

That's why your choice in this matter is so important.  Less than a week out, emotions are sky-high and you might be thinking about everything under the stars.  That's normal and even expected.  But that's also why we've said that its so important to focus on yourself and take this time to make the best possible decisions for your life, your happiness.  Forget about what she wants in this moment, what do you want a year from now, five years from now?  That's where your focus should be.

Nobody here can give you any direct advice on what's best for your life moving forward- that has to come from within.  Please give yourself the time though to really work through this and make an informed decision.  We'll be here to help no matter what you decide.

[TappingOut99]

Thank you so much.. I am only regretful that I didn't find this site sooner for support. Largely, for the last 5 years this has gone untreated.. and it's be traumatic to say the least as a boyfriend. I just haven't ever experienced this. To find the kind of support I have here is so valuable. My friends all think I'm crazy and, from a surface level, in the world we live in today, I see why they would say that. It's so hard being in the position of truly loving someone who battles mental health issues. These people are not monsters, and she, when regulated, is my best friend and the sweetest woman I know.

I have done well to learn coping strategies for this and setting emotional boundaries. I think I mentioned in a prior post that she walked out on our engagement in similar fashion.. So, after that breakup, over a year and a half ago, I went into therapy and learned useful ways to focus on myself. It sucks a little less each time it happens, but it still sucks.

I would stick by her through anything.. thats the most damaging part of this and the saddest part of what goes on in their heads.. No matter how many times you've shown up for them, it seems to be all forgotten in the moment of this intense psychological event. I just hate being pushed away, and I have found in the past, the more I chase, the worse it gets for me.

So, I keep my distance, and it makes me feel awful because I feel like she's going to see that as me abandoning her. I sent her a quick email the other day, just to tell her I loved her and I was praying for her and what shes going through and I was sad she felt like she had to run away rather than run to me... and I left it at that. I've just never had someone ghost me when our relationship was seemingly going so well. We had a really great weekend at the lake this past weekend.. I'm just befuddled by it.

Thank you, again, for being such encouraging people. This group is the best therapy I think I have found in dealing with this in a long time.

[Rev]

I second that- it was all very real and it quite possibly still is.

Your girlfriend will decide what she wants to do in the days/weeks to come, but it is important for you to realize that you also have a choice in this matter.  With BPD, walking away and returning is par for the course, and a good bit of members here have had 2nd (and 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th) chances to rekindle their love over time.  For some, it was an amazing turn and they were able to make real progress.  For others, it led to extended heartbreak and trauma.

That's why your choice in this matter is so important.  Less than a week out, emotions are sky-high and you might be thinking about everything under the stars.  That's normal and even expected.  But that's also why we've said that its so important to focus on yourself and take this time to make the best possible decisions for your life, your happiness.  Forget about what she wants in this moment, what do you want a year from now, five years from now?  That's where your focus should be.

Nobody here can give you any direct advice on what's best for your life moving forward- that has to come from within.  Please give yourself the time though to really work through this and make an informed decision.  We'll be here to help no matter what you decide.

Hang in there Chris ....  You are really sounding like you are getting in touch with what is faithfully solid in you. To believe because you know even though you can't always see is what faith is all about (John 20:29).

Holding you in prayer. I really love the way you are engaging what you hear here and making it your own.

It is so confusing by times, which is what makes it hard.

To seek clarity in confusing times without blame (judge not lest you be judged) is an act of courage and faith.

Hope this helps.

Rev

[TappingOut99]

Hang in there Chris ....  You are really sounding like you are getting in touch with what is faithfully solid in you. To believe because you know even though you can't always see is what faith is all about (John 20:29).

Holding you in prayer. I really love the way you are engaging what you hear here and making it your own.

It is so confusing by times, which is what makes it hard.

To seek clarity in confusing times without blame (judge not lest you be judged) is an act of courage and faith.

Hope this helps.

Rev

Thank you, Rev. My faith has kept me stronger regardless of circumstance. Your encouragement is right on time. God bless you.

[Pook075]

I would stick by her through anything.. thats the most damaging part of this and the saddest part of what goes on in their heads.. No matter how many times you've shown up for them, it seems to be all forgotten in the moment of this intense psychological event. I just hate being pushed away, and I have found in the past, the more I chase, the worse it gets for me.

I still struggle with that as well since my wife was also my best friend in the entire world.  If she needs help, I'm there without any questions asked.

For awhile, I thought that was a weakness in me, being the good guy that always shows up no matter what.  It's actually a strength though, to show love and compassion when you're not getting it in return.  My faith is what has got me through this and it's through faith that I can still love my ex, without grieving the lost relationship.  As you just said, it's a sickness and not their fault that they process thoughts differently than you or I would.

Again, none of us can give you the answers on whether to stick around or run for the hills.  But from your recent posts, I see that you're tapped into much better advice than anyone here could provide.  Trust your heart, trust your prayers.  You're going to get through this and no matter what happens, it will be a redemption story one way or the other.

[TappingOut99]

Should I continue to reach out to her even though I get no response? How do pwBPD respond to this type of thing? I will preface that with I have no intention to control a situation.. but I do sometimes fear that maintaining a boundary and letting her walk out on her own, and not reacting will have an adverse effect than communicating that I do still care for her and love her. I know that pwBPD react differently to these types of things and I certainly don't want to appear clingy like I "need' her.. Frankly, I don't NEED abuse, emotionally or verbally. But I do care for her and want her to know she's supported.. whether she accepts it or not.

[Pook075]

Should I continue to reach out to her even though I get no response?

Hey Chris.  That's the million dollar question.  If she's asked for space, then you must give her space or it will only make matters worse.  Some intentionally choose to go no contact with the thought that it will allow her to settle down, work through this mentally, and then choose to come back when she feels like its healthy for her to do so.

However, there's another dynamic in play here since she left in a dysregulated state.  If you chase her, then you're bullying her.  If you ignore her, then it proves you didn't care.  So there's kind of a catch 22 going on here where you can't just give up but you can't pursue too strongly either.

I heard a sermon last night where a pastor said that no matter what goes wrong in a relationship, there's six words that will always fix it.  "I'm sorry, can you forgive me?" is the start to repairing anything.  I was thinking of my ex wife at the time and thought there's no way I'd say that, she was the one that left and wouldn't communicate, bla, bla bla with all the other stuff that happened.

But you know what, all the other stuff doesn't matter.  Who was wrong doesn't matter.  It really could be as simple as saying six words to reverse a whole lot of heartache.

So if you want to reach out, do it in limited fashion and without any judgement whatsoever.  The message should be one of two things- 'how are you doing' or 'I'm sorry, can you forgive me.'

How do pwBPD respond to this type of thing?

Right now, she's hurting badly and doing anything she can to get past the pain.  She's likely highly unstable as well, so it's very hard to predict how she will respond.  A good portion of the time, they'll ignore a message completely because it's the safest, easiest route....if we don't talk about it, then it's not a problem.  So if I had to place a wager, my money would be on no response at all.

However, does that mean you shouldn't show loving support anyway?  That's the second million dollar question.  Some people here would disagree with me, but I'd say that you should still be kind, loving, and supportive so she knows that you still care.  Her mind is fiercely telling her the opposite right now, and if you don't say it then maybe nobody else does either.

Again, this is not the time for grand gestures like you see in Hollywood movies.  Do something small and meaningful, get the point across, then back off for a bit to see how she responds.  Your goal right now is simply to have a conversation and check on her...the rekindling stuff is for another day.

I hope that helps!

[TappingOut99]

My number is blocked.. so I sent her a quick email just to tell her I was still praying, still loved her, and hoped she was doing ok and left it there.. made no mention to her of calling me or suggesting reconciliation.. just told her I was here, and that’s it. We shall see how this goes..

[Pook075]

My number is blocked.. so I sent her a quick email just to tell her I was still praying, still loved her, and hoped she was doing ok and left it there.. made no mention to her of calling me or suggesting reconciliation.. just told her I was here, and that’s it. We shall see how this goes..

Good move, and good luck buddy!  I'm praying for you.

[TappingOut99]

We will see.. I some times feel like this is some sick sort of revenge for all the “bad things” I did in her mind in the past that she just never let go. Like it was all to lead up to this point.. and then BOOM! The ultimate payback. Game over, she “wins”…

 I just cannot wrap my head around how someone can say they “love” you and mean it and do this. It’s bizarre. And it makes me feel like a pining fool messaging her and being ignored. It doesn’t change the authenticity of what I sent her.. I still mean all those things regardless of the outcome. But, my goodness, they make you want to despise them.. I feel so stupid.

[Rev]

But, my goodness, they make you want to despise them.. I feel so stupid.

So very accurate. We've all been there. That's why these relationships are so hard to resolve ... resolution requires the ability to remain stable long enough to reflect and BPD makes that nearly impossible.

One of the most challenging things we sometimes face is ruminating. Please let us know if this begins to happen. Ruminating is psychological quicksand.

Hang in there.

Rev

[TappingOut99]

I guess the rumination already exists. Since sending the message to her, I’m left wondering “WHY?” and how someone can do something like this to someone they say they love?

Even though I know I “did everything right” the day she walked out, I can’t help but search for reasons she would vanish like this.. I think reconciliation is nearly impossible being that my trust has been absolutely crushed with this recent action.

Now the questions just churn in my head. Was she unhappy and I had no clue? Is there someone else? Will this be the last time I ever speak to her again?

What an awful way to end and walk out of a long term relationship. I can’t and may never make any sense of this.

[Rev]

I guess the rumination already exists. Since sending the message to her, I’m left wondering “WHY?” and how someone can do something like this to someone they say they love?

Even though I know I “did everything right” the day she walked out, I can’t help but search for reasons she would vanish like this.. I think reconciliation is nearly impossible being that my trust has been absolutely crushed with this recent action.

Now the questions just churn in my head. Was she unhappy and I had no clue? Is there someone else? Will this be the last time I ever speak to her again?

What an awful way to end and walk out of a long term relationship. I can’t and may never make any sense of this.

K ... I would say that this is the toughest part - like the piece of the velcro that is still stuck. 

I would suggest that you open up another thread - this time on the detaching board.   

On this board there are some pretty hard and fast rules about always pointing people towards reconciliation, etc.  Also, you'll find different members who are in the process of detaching.  There are some people who keep both threads going at the same time.

Ruminating is like a computer buffering. You just go round and round looking for a connection - any connection - that you need but never seems to come.  You stay stuck - which as I learned - is part of the healing process.  Staying stuck offers the opportunity to stop searching and to start accepting - without giving up hope. Hard pill to swallow. No less necessary.

I like to say - Grace is God's ability to reach us in spite of ourselves. Jesus said that we don't quite know the place the wind comes from, nor know where it leads, but yet we can hear its sound. 

Maybe it's time to change up the air around here - just for the sake of shaking a few things loose.

What do you think?

Rev

[once removed]

I can’t and may never make any sense of this.

You can. With help, you will.

In fact, as impossible as it may seem now, you can come out of this healed, and even stronger than before.

Right now, I'm sure all of this is pretty overwhelming. It's a good time to lean on support. We'll be here to help every step of the way.

[TappingOut99]

You all are a Godsend. I’m convinced I found this board because God knew I needed to. I cannot wrap my head around this one.. but I know in time I’ll come to terms with it. I can’t thank you all enough from the bottom of my heart.