I really do love my boyfriend and as his partner I want to support him when he's feeling down. However his ex who he shares a child with has BPD and is very quick to unleash her wrath on him any time something doesn't go the way she wants or he doesn't respond the way she wants, etc.
She will usually threaten him, use emotional manipulation, feed lies to their child who will then be angry with my boyfriend, and will not stop until she gets her fix. He usually will hang up the phone if it's on a call but she tends to spam him in text messages. If he blocks her on text, she will usually send more on Instagram. I know it's not my place to tell him how to handle this situation and I know that since they have a child together it's complicated but it's heartbreaking to see how much her her explosions impact him. And then on top of that as his partner I find myself being the one to put him back together and it leaves very little room for my emotions in the relationship. Sometimes it feels like I'm the therapist for their relationship. I don't wanna break up over something like this since it's really out of his control but at the same time I just find myself exhausted whenever the two of them get into a series of ruts. Any experience, strength, or advice is greatly appreciated.
What I highlighted in bold, there is a book that specializes on this by a professional - what your BF's baby moma is doing is called 'parental alienation'. He might not have been married to his exgf, however, the child custody is very similar if he had been.
Two resources that you may want to read, I've read both, there is some overlap. The first one concentrates on the alienating issue, the 2nd one is a more general guide on divorce.
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Don't Alienate the Kids! Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High Conflict Divorce"
By Bill Eddy · 2010
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Splitting - Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline Or Narcissistic Personality Disorder" By Bill Eddy, Randi Kreger, William A. Eddy · 2021
The 2nd book deals with divorce; however, it also deals with child custody arrangements in the court system, and those section may be relevant to your BF's custody arrangement with her disparagement of him to the child - it could be worth a read.
Both books give tips on how to deal with an ex who is high-conflict (Cluster-B, including BPD).
Have specific questions, ask, and we will do the best we can to help you.
Take care with self-care.
