Trying to make sense of it all

[pipefitter]

It's Christmas Day and to be honest, I'm in a very bad place. She kicked me out a week before Christmas. I worked my a** off doing overtime so I could afford to buy all the Christmas gifts for her kids. That's what really stings. I love her children and she knows that. She weaponized them against me time after time during our first break up. My payoff for all that hard work was going to be watching them open all their gifts. She took that from me.
Despite being blocked from all communication (it's been 24 hours) my gut tells me she isn't done. Her words have undertones of this being a weird punishment of some sort. After the living nightmare she put me through first break up I think she knows that I'm not going to go anywhere. After how horribly I was treated, and I mean it was truly bad, I let her come right back when she decided she was ready. I think to her, this is all a game. She has me on a shelf until she's ready to paint me white again.
This second time around she exerted even more domination and control. First time she insisted on co-signing my vehicle to always have an amount of control in the situation. This relationship cycle she insisted we get a couples tattoo. Like an idiot I did it. It almost feels like it was an attempt to "brand" me as her possession. She kept pushing and pushing boundaries to see what I would and would not do for her. She never found something I wouldn't do. I allowed her to live as a teenager doing no chores in her own home and not taking care of her own children. I even washed her hair and her body for her every night when she insisted on showering with me.
With me being so codependent and enabling her to live as she pleases without responsibility I have a gut feeling she will be back. That coupled with us having the longest most committed relationship she has ever had, and her children believing I'm their father makes it likely from what I read she will be back for another cycle. Im not if that's what I really want right now. Of course I'm hurting, and angry, and upset. I know if she did circle back right now I would go back. That’s why I’m posting in the staying forum. I just don’t know what to do. I guess not trying to make order out of the disordered is a start

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.