New to all this

[Depression = 72% of members]

I just read the book Stop Walking on Eggshells and felt like it explained the last 10 years of my life.
I bought the workbook, but to be honest, I feel alone enough in all this. I am missing the human element of understanding.

[Hurricanesurvr]

I just read the book Stop Walking on Eggshells and felt like it explained the last 10 years of my life.
I bought the workbook, but to be honest, I feel alone enough in all this. I am missing the human element of understanding.

[Turkish]

We're here to support you!

Can you tell us what's going on and what lead you to reach out for support?

[SaltyDawg]

HurricaneSurvr,

   You are not alone, we are here to listen to you and support you emotionally.

   I will 2nd a warm

   SWOE book, 3rd edition is a great place to start.  Who in your life do you suspect has BPD and/or NPD?

   I am sure you are stressed out and overwhelmed by everything, be kind to yourself, and do some self-care.

   We look forward to hearing more from you, so please come back, because you are worth it.

   Take care.

SD

[Hurricanesurvr]

Someone I am related to and also work closely together. I don't have the option to walk away from the work or relationship. So, right now, my goal is to learn to take back my internal ground, recognize what has happened to me, and get clearer and clearer. It's been at least 10 years of not recognizing abuse but rather internalizing it as my problem. 

At times, I feel like I am in two realities. The rest of my family doesn't see it. My boss experiences the "super behaved" and compliant caring part of the personality. I suspect because the BPD and NPD person has attached to them deeply for fear of abandonment. So I've received the brunt of a lot of horrible treatment, sometimes publicly and it goes unchecked. If I address it my boundaries are painted as an issue I am having as a noncompliant subordinate--which is a risk to my job and reputation. I have felt isolated and alone and confused for a long time. There is entrapment, duress for confession of accusations, overlording going on in multiple departments in which individual overseas. I finally took the risk and exposed it for the sake of myself and others, but not sure I have been believed. It may have flipped back on me as my issue, in conversations behind closed doors. This has been prevalent and effective sabotage in   the work environment.

I actually had a dream, that the Lord brought me to an apartment and opened the door. Several parts to a personality presented themselves to me. That dream was highly significant. It opened my eyes to what was actually going on. I'm so thankful to the Lord for this. It set me on a path of awareness, discernment, and recovery.

But the trauma (surfacing) comes in waves. It's really a new experience for me. I feel psychological effects of withdrawal, almost splitting but then am able to hold on. I made an appt with an experienced therapist for next week. I am a little nervous about that.

[Mommydoc]

Welcome Hurricanesuvr. In the beginning, it can feel  very lonely, especially if you perceive others don’t witness the behavior. I am so glad you have taken several steps forward, by posting on this forum and beginning therapy. I will share that those 2 steps have been critical strategies in my journey.

Many persons wBPD, particularly those wNPD features can be quite charming and charismatic and are skillful in masking their PD in professional and public situations. For the longest time, I thought my sister wBPD only treated me the way she does, and of course thought I was the problem.  The mask always slips at some point however. I really believe it. As bad as this sounds, the first time my husband and I  witnessed my sister’s behavior directed at her husband, I was secretly relieved because it all of a sudden wasn’t about me. My husband was shocked.

You can use the mask to your advantage by avoiding being alone with this person. It drives my sister crazy but I have used this very effectively for several years. She cares so much about how others view her, that usually won’t misbehave in front of others, unless she is completely dysregulated. In my case, at the moment, my sister is highly dysregulated, so all bets are off.

I am sorry you are going through this. It sounds complicated, but you are taking the best first steps to learn to manage through it. Keep us updated!

[SaltyDawg]

HurricaneSurvr,

   That sounds awful, and very frightening where the pw BPD/NPD in your life is also a supervisor at work in addition to a relative - a person in a position of power over you, and this makes your situation exceedingly dire and scary and difficult, if not impossible to set boundaries on, short of you quitting your job to create a physical boundary between you and them.

   You mentioned that you had scheduled an appointment next week with a therapist.  I think this is an excellent idea you have, as it shows insight into your situation, as the therapist will be an very good place to assist in helping you sort out your feelings with this person, who is obviously very toxic to you for well over a decade.

   You go on to explain...

At times, I feel like I am in two realities. The rest of my family doesn't see it. My boss experiences the "super behaved" and compliant caring part of the personality. I suspect because the BPD and NPD person has attached to them deeply for fear of abandonment. So I've received the brunt of a lot of horrible treatment, sometimes publicly and it goes unchecked. If I address it my boundaries are painted as an issue I am having as a noncompliant subordinate--which is a risk to my job and reputation. I have felt isolated and alone and confused for a long time. There is entrapment, duress for confession of accusations, overlording going on in multiple departments in which individual overseas. I finally took the risk and exposed it for the sake of myself and others, but not sure I have been believed. It may have flipped back on me as my issue, in conversations behind closed doors. This has been prevalent and effective sabotage in the work environment.

If you are to push back on this person, you will have to document their behaviors in a manner consistent that can be used in a court - as being in a hostile workplace is illegal in most areas; however, you will need to offer up proof that will withstand scrutiny.  Recording devices are a good source for this information, otherwise it is a he said / she said type environment, and the supervisor will likely be listened to in favor of someone who is perceived to have an ax to grind - a disgruntled employee.  If you can gather several people on your side, this would be better.

I too receive messages from my higher power through dreams, and 'coincidences' in my life and my 'gut' feelings as well, and has aided me in my own personal journeys with pwBPD.

Take care.

SD

[Hurricanesurvr]

Thank you for responding to my post. Feels like a lifeline in an ocean of emotions. I sincerely appreciate the response. Very grounding.

[SaltyDawg]

Thank you for responding to my post. Feels like a lifeline in an ocean of emotions. I sincerely appreciate the response. Very grounding.

You're welcome.

Please come back, and share, if you feel like it.

Otherwise, take care with self care.

SD

[sarah98]

I'm sorry to hear about the challenges and difficulties you've been facing in your work and personal relationships. It sounds like a very complex and emotionally taxing situation, especially having to endure it for over a decade. It's good that you're taking steps to understand and heal from this experience. Your awareness and the decision to seek therapy are significant strides toward recovery and regaining your sense of self. Remember, it's okay to feel nervous about starting therapy; it's a brave and important step in your journey. Please know that you're not alone, and it's ok to seek support and guidance as you navigate this path.