Catholic Therapist: ????

[Coteau]

Hello all. Does anyone know of a Catholic therapist willing to work with a caretaker(me) online? As I trudge through the Stop Being a Caretaker book and as we have a lot of changes in our future I am becoming more aware that I need to process many of these thoughts with someone else. Thanks!
PS: I am not sure if therapist names can be shared here...if not, is it acceptable on a PVT mail?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[kells76]

Hi Coteau;

Although we aren't able to recommend therapists we haven't personally worked with (per our guideline 1.12), we can talk through ways to find therapists who best fit your needs and beliefs.

My H and I have seen a marriage counselor for many years. We connected with him because he was also a member of our church, which is small and has some unique beliefs. It would have been hard for us to see a secular MC because of our beliefs. I also found my individual counselor through connections in our church community.

If you are associated with a church/parish, would you feel comfortable asking a priest or staff member for recommendations? Even if a therapist is local, he/she may still be willing to do online sessions. My counselor is close by but did remote sessions when there were covid restrictions.

You can also use the psychologytoday.com "find a therapist" search tool at the top of their home page. Start searching by your city/state or ZIP code, then you can narrow the search by type of therapy, issues, religion, etc. Catholicism may not be listed under their religions, but you could try searching Christian therapists, then looking to see if Catholic is listed.

It's also perfectly fine to call up either therapists, or therapy groups/practices, describe your situation, and ask for recommendations or referrals.

There's also a website called https://www.catholictherapists.com/ (disclaimer: I just found it using a Google search, so I can neither recommend nor not recommend it -- just information purposes only). You could take a look at it and decide if it will help you.

Hope that helps you move forward;

kells76

[HurtAndTired]

Hi Coteau,

I am an Orthodox Christian and let my therapist know that I am trying to improve my relationship in a way that does not conflict with my faith. I have also talked at length to my priest about my marital situation. Although my therapist is not Orthodox (we are only 0.5% of the population in the US, so not a great chance of finding one outside of a major metropolitan area) and my priest is not an expert on BPD I can turn to each of them for different advice about how to improve my life in ways that are compatible with my faith. My therapist helps me with research-based methods to control the unstable environment in my home and to set healthy boundaries, and my priest listens to my concerns and gives advice on spiritual matters such as how to handle my anger at my wife and myself.

Since Orthodoxy and Catholicism share so much in common (such as the 7 Sacraments) I feel pretty confident in telling you that this is not a matter solely for the Sacrament of Confession/Reconciliation. I used to confess my anger toward my wife due to fights during confession and received advice that was pertinent to someone in a high-conflict relationship with a non-BPD person but did not work for me. I had to sit down with Father outside of confession and fully explain my situation to get advice better tailored to my particular circumstances, specifically that my wife has a serious mental illness and I took the time to explain the disorder and its symptoms to him. This can be an initial conversation that lasts for several hours and can certainly involve a confession at some point, but please let your priest know that you need to speak to him at length so that he can set aside enough time for you to fully discuss the issue.

I would recommend that you concentrate your search for a therapist on their experience with BPD/cluster B personality disorders, but also frequently consult with your priest about the spiritual wounds you and everyone in your household are living with. I like to think of my therapist and my priest as members of the same team (along with all of the great people here at BPDFamily) who specialize in treating different aspects of the same sickness. Just like people who have cancer often have a whole team of doctors outside of just their oncologist, this disease is best treated with a team that has a deep bench.

Let me know if there is anything else that I can help with.

All the best,

HurtAndTired

[SaltyDawg]

I am going to add a different perspective, and I am in support of Hurt & Tired's method of having a team approach.

I have had a licensed therapist with BPD who was also an ordained minister, in a protestant church.

I have had another individual therapist, who listened to Shia Muslim clerics on his phone in arabic (he said he was an Aramaic Christian, that predates the orthodox and catholic churches).

I have had another couple's therapist who indicated that they were a religious leader, and her teachings were consistent with the Jewish faith (and I later verified this after our therapeutic relationship ended).

My current individual therapist, who says that she is an atheist and she is physically blind, yet she can see into the soul and mind of her clients with remarkable clarity.

Our current couple's therapist also has a strong christian spiritual component; however, she has not revealed if she is protestant or catholic, I suspect catholic.

I have had some mentoring from Hindi, Buddhist, Mormon and the cult (quiverfull) on the topic as well.  I have received extensive guidance from each of these people who generally are in the Abrahamic religions that follow the same God (Muslim, Jewish & Christianity) which has further opened my eyes that all of humanity are God's children.  I have encountered therapists and mentors from all walks of life in my journey through managing my pwBPD.

I feel God has communicated to me with remarkable coincidences and through dreams, and in areas where I would least expect God's influence, as each of these therapists were there for me at the right time, and the right place so I could become enlightened about BPD, I find the coincidences hard to miss.

I also sense that God has guided each of these therapists to me for a reason, and at a specific time too.  I have prayed for a male Christian therapist, yet he supplied me with a female one who sought me out within a couple of weeks, who was able to give me remarkable insight into my wife's thought processes as she herself was BPD, as they had many identical feelings and behavioural patterns - in essence a science fiction level emotional tool of 'mind reading by proxy' that gave me tremendous insight into my wife's thought processes.

What I am trying to say, there is wisdom to be found from places you might not expect wisdom to come from, and it has the fingerprint of a higher power all over it.  I use prayer to discern this, and it has been quite the journey for me.

Be sure to do self-care, whatever that might look like for you.

I wish you the best of luck in finding what you seek.

Take care.

SD