Classic Short Story about BPD and YouTuber with it posting vlogs

[Our abuse recovery guide]

The story is The Rocking Horse Winner by DH Lawrence. I read it in school before I ever heard of BPD. I  knew my parent was mentally ill though. The antagonist in the story is exactly like her.

Wikipedia spoils the story. Go there after reading the entire short story:

https://blogs.bu.edu/cflamm/files/2012/10/The-Rocking-Horse-Winner.pdf

Here's a sharp young English woman (Esther Joy Lane) diagnosed with BPD. She vlogs about her experience with it and how she copes with it. She hopes to help those with it and their loved ones with her channel. She has a full time job and romantic partner. She has approximately 20 videos.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NNHqSi9VIzc

[TelHill]

The story is The Rocking Horse Winner by DH Lawrence. I read it in school before I ever heard of BPD. I  knew my parent was mentally ill though. The antagonist in the story is exactly like her.

Wikipedia spoils the story. Go there after reading the entire short story:

https://blogs.bu.edu/cflamm/files/2012/10/The-Rocking-Horse-Winner.pdf

Here's a sharp young English woman (Esther Joy Lane) diagnosed with BPD. She vlogs about her experience with it and how she copes with it. She hopes to help those with it and their loved ones with her channel. She has a full time job and romantic partner. She has approximately 20 videos.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NNHqSi9VIzc

[Notwendy]

Oh my goodness- this brought back a memory. This is before I had any idea about BPD! I read this book in college and got so interested in the book, I then began reading other pieces by DH Lawrence as he has common themes in his writings. I was interested as I saw a lot of similarities to my BPD mother and at this time, I was looking for answers.

[TelHill]

I began to read his famous novel a few years ago. It was emotionally difficult so I stopped. 

The short story made an impression but it didn't translate to my real life. I thought I was the odd duck who had this strange mother and strange extended family.

I was glad to find the YT vlogger. It helps me to treat it as a fact rather than a shameful burden to carry.  The shame spreads to the FOO and we all suffered. I'll plow through her videos.

[Notwendy]

Yes, I also had read Lady Chatterley- but being late teens when I read it, I think some of it went over my head at the time.

Your post reminded me that I also read this short story at the time. It jumped out at me- this one was relatable. The financial stress in our family was evident. The main character not being able to be content with what was around her. The role of the son seeming similar to my father- trying to provide.

I didn't know about BPD at the time and didn't know anyone like my mother- so I recall that this story stood out to me.

[Notwendy]

I listened to a couple of videos on the YouTube link. I actually found her to be a good presenter.  I assumed it would be hard to listen to her. But she seems motivated to help others and work on her own challenges.

[TelHill]

Your post reminded me that I also read this short story at the time. It jumped out at me- this one was relatable. The financial stress in our family was evident. The main character not being able to be content with what was around her. The role of the son seeming similar to my father- trying to provide.

I didn't know about BPD at the time and didn't know anyone like my mother- so I recall that this story stood out to me.

I felt the son's extraordinary attempts to earn his mother's love was like how I kept trying to get her to love me. I would try to I be funny, quiet, helpful, extra nice over and over again to make her feel better.

It may seem to not be well known but three movie versions of it exist -1949/1950, 1977, and 1997.

I listened to a couple of videos on the YouTube link. I actually found her to be a good presenter.  I assumed it would be hard to listen to her. But she seems motivated to help others and work on her own challenges.

She creates her own video graphics and her editing skills are good. I like listening to her describe her feelings and thoughts in her daily life with bpd. It's not something my own mother does.

[Notwendy]

I never saw the movie based on the short story. I don't think I could watch it. The short story was enough of an emotional read- and I haven't seen the story since then until your post.

Money in the family has been an issue. Just like nothing seems to be "enough" for a pwBPD's emotional needs, money isn't either. Similar to the story- there was enough money, there just wasn't enough for BPD mother because of her emotional needs.

Dad wanted to make her happy and so, a lot of the money went to her wishes. There were financial issues when there didn't need to be and the stress on my father was apparent. But ( thankfully) we weren't facing serious problems like not being able to buy food or shelter- we had what we needed- it was the emotional feeling of stress over finances- describing it as the "house whispering" in the story was brilliant.

Considering when I read this story- my mother's situation was a mystery to me. I didn't talk about it to anyone and didn't know anything about BPD. I don't recall why I read it- it may have been a school assigment- and it made an impression.

[TelHill]

Money in the family has been an issue. Just like nothing seems to be "enough" for a pwBPD's emotional needs, money isn't either. Similar to the story- there was enough money, there just wasn't enough for BPD mother because of her emotional needs.

Dad wanted to make her happy and so, a lot of the money went to her wishes. There were financial issues when there didn't need to be and the stress on my father was apparent. But ( thankfully) we weren't facing serious problems like not being able to buy food or shelter- we had what we needed- it was the emotional feeling of stress over finances- describing it as the "house whispering" in the story was brilliant.

I liked the part of the house whispering too!

I read the Wikipedia biography of DH Lawrence.  He describes an upbringing in Sons and Lovers (the novel I found triggering) which is very close to the socioeconomic circumstances in which he grew up. Someone in his household had problems for sure.

Your mother created so much stress. Mine did too. It was overkill and totally unnecessary. My mom didn't demand personal goods but used tantrums and ridicule over us to be in control.  Some of it was financial (my family is doing okay - food, shelter & and medical care  but could have been much better no thanks to her behavior) to how we washed our clothing and personal hygiene.  I had very oily hair and was allowed to wash my hair once a week. I needed it daily. I put my hair into a bun or ponytail mostly to avoid embarrassment. Part of gaining control was to humiliate me.

Considering when I read this story- my mother's situation was a mystery to me. I didn't talk about it to anyone and didn't know anything about BPD. I don't recall why I read it- it may have been a school assigment- and it made an impression.

It was a homework for Freshman English Literature and I think it was in the Norton Anthology. I could be wrong about the book - it was at least 40 years ago. No, I hadn't heard of BPD. I had a set of therapy sessions with a psychologist (a free school service) and told her about my mom. She never mentioned bpd to me. It was California and a large university where we had access to good research studies. It might have been considered a rare condition? I don't know.

I remember the wire vs cloth 'mother' for orphaned monkey babies experiment from Psych 1. That made an impression as well. Am sure my mother was attentive to me as an infant or I wouldn't have lived. The wire part came later and still exists.

[Pilpel]

Oh that's interesting.  I remember reading Rocking Horse Winner I think my sophomore year of high school.  But I don't remember much about it.  Another old famous story that I think is straight up describing NPD is Madame Bovary.  She marries an older man who is a doctor, so she marries up socially, but pretty quickly despises her husband.  She has a child, but the child is objectified. She lives in complete comparative materialism, has an affaire, and ends up running her family deep into debt before taking her own life. 

I've always thought that my NPD SIL reminds me of some of the more crazy characters from Dickens novels.  Dickens always seems to have one or two characters that are purely mean spirited and fly into rages or try to put other people under their thumb.  It really feels like I'm living in my cool calm modern life, and then here come my SIL going around like crazy Miss Havisham.

[Notwendy]

No, I hadn't heard of BPD. I had a set of therapy sessions with a psychologist (a free school service) and told her about my mom. She never mentioned bpd to me. It was California and a large university where we had access to good research studies. It might have been considered a rare condition? I don't know.

I remember the wire vs cloth 'mother' for orphaned monkey babies experiment from Psych 1. That made an impression as well. Am sure my mother was attentive to me as an infant or I wouldn't have lived. The wire part came later and still exists.

I don't think BPD was well known until later. I was looking in the psychology books for answers aroudn that time too. There seemed to be two categories- psychosis and neurosis. Psychosis didn't fit but neither did neurosis fit well either.

We always seemed to have a nanny or sitter when we were children- and we weren't at the socioeconomic level where that was common as my mother didn't work outside the home (most women didn't at that time). I don't know if my father had the insight to provide for this or my mother wanted it- but someone was attentive to us as infants, and I think it benefitted us so I am grateful for this.