Here to learn

[Depression = 72% of members]

My husband was recently diagnosed with BPD. He’s a veteran, suffers from PTSD, and is currently working with a counselor and in a DBT group through the VA. We are high school sweethearts and have been together for 27 years. We have 3 kids (20, 16 yr old twins) and dogs and cats. About 2.5 years ago, my father died unexpectedly (66 yrs old) and I had to fly across the country to help my only brother deal with his passing and things. I was gone for about 3 weeks. When I returned, my husband seemed to get more mentally unstable. We have spent the last 3 years trying to address some of his other medical issues (high blood pressure, pre-glaucoma, gout, etc) and I have been trying to make sense of how a younger man of 42-43 yrs of age can have all these medical issues that are normally seen in 60+ yr olds. We’ve gone to so many doctors and ruled out some of our earlier suspicions. I started wondering if maybe he had a brain tumor or traumatic brain injury we were unaware of. Then the PTSD started to get unmanageable. He began treatment for PTSD (meds, counseling, group, etc) but his emotions became even more out of control. He was trying to cope with alcohol. We thought he had a drinking problem. He started SAB through the VA and quickly realized that substance abuse wasn’t the problem. The symptoms are escalating. I can tell when he is testing me or trying to manipulate me. His outbursts are getting more desperate, louder, more dramatic, and frankly frightening.  I had no idea about BPD specifics, but after listening to some audiobooks (one that pointed me to this forum), I am beginning to put 2 & 2 together. Things that I didn’t give a second thought to when we were teenagers and young adults that may have been signs this was there all along. Mostly I just wonder how I could be with someone this long, going through all the terrible things together we’ve endured, could have something like this without me knowing or suspecting? I just need to read and absorb as much data as possible to help me cope with this and give me the strength to continue on. Thanks for reading or any type of encouragement or advice.  I look forward to reading more.

[Notagem22]

My husband was recently diagnosed with BPD. He’s a veteran, suffers from PTSD, and is currently working with a counselor and in a DBT group through the VA. We are high school sweethearts and have been together for 27 years. We have 3 kids (20, 16 yr old twins) and dogs and cats. About 2.5 years ago, my father died unexpectedly (66 yrs old) and I had to fly across the country to help my only brother deal with his passing and things. I was gone for about 3 weeks. When I returned, my husband seemed to get more mentally unstable. We have spent the last 3 years trying to address some of his other medical issues (high blood pressure, pre-glaucoma, gout, etc) and I have been trying to make sense of how a younger man of 42-43 yrs of age can have all these medical issues that are normally seen in 60+ yr olds. We’ve gone to so many doctors and ruled out some of our earlier suspicions. I started wondering if maybe he had a brain tumor or traumatic brain injury we were unaware of. Then the PTSD started to get unmanageable. He began treatment for PTSD (meds, counseling, group, etc) but his emotions became even more out of control. He was trying to cope with alcohol. We thought he had a drinking problem. He started SAB through the VA and quickly realized that substance abuse wasn’t the problem. The symptoms are escalating. I can tell when he is testing me or trying to manipulate me. His outbursts are getting more desperate, louder, more dramatic, and frankly frightening.  I had no idea about BPD specifics, but after listening to some audiobooks (one that pointed me to this forum), I am beginning to put 2 & 2 together. Things that I didn’t give a second thought to when we were teenagers and young adults that may have been signs this was there all along. Mostly I just wonder how I could be with someone this long, going through all the terrible things together we’ve endured, could have something like this without me knowing or suspecting? I just need to read and absorb as much data as possible to help me cope with this and give me the strength to continue on. Thanks for reading or any type of encouragement or advice.  I look forward to reading more.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Jabiru]

Hi and welcome Lots of good info here. I recommend the Tips menu at the top of the page and if you're able, the books Stop Walking on Eggshells and Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist. Good luck and let us know if any questions.

[LadyMay]

This is a very useful site filled with so much information. I hope you find comfort in the support everyone here offers! You aren't alone.