My mother had BPD

[emily333]

Hi I am 21 years old and my mother had uBPD and my father and mother emotionally abused each other my whole life until my mother a few months ago took off the Florida and left my 16 year old sister with my father after she lost custody (she would've had 50/50 if she wouldn't have have states from the home we have always lived in). I recently found out information that 'broke' the way I saw my father, I needed to see him as a good parent because for a long time its felt like he was my only parent. I feel like I have suddenly woke up and realized the emotional abuse that had been happening my whole life. I am away at college and I have a challenging major and I am very busy, I am very proud of where I have gotten myself to so I needed to take a break for the first time every from my parents so that I could finish the school year and not PLEASE READ up my grades. I blocked both of my parents over a moth ago and since then I went off of the anti anxiety and antidepressants that I have been on since I was 16 (which I never thought I would live a day without) and I am so much happier, but also so sad because Ii do love my parents and miss them so much they just somehow in all of the chaos forgot how to be a parent, especially to me since I am the oldest child. Always I guess im posting on here for guidance on how to help myself, books or podcast, really anything to help me navigate this time in my life when im still so young.

[kells76]

Hi emily333 and a warm

You'll find yourself in good company with other members who have started having the realization that things weren't always as they seemed in their families. Like you said, sometimes we learn information or have insights that "break" the old ways we saw our parents.

What are some of the traits or behaviors you saw in your mom that led you to suspect BPD?

And it sounds like you are realizing that your dad also had some unhealthy approaches? What did that look like?

...

My husband's kids' mom has many BPD-type traits and behaviors, and remarried to someone with many NPD-type traits and behaviors. While the kids idealized their mom and stepdad for many years, our oldest (18) is now having some realizations about their behavior and wants to get therapy. You're definitely not alone in going through that process 

It makes sense, too, that you love your parents and miss them -- I wonder if you miss who they should've, or could've been, or who they were "when things were good"?

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We have a great book section with reviews, including this one on Surviving a Borderline Parent, by Kim Roth & Freda B. Friedman, Ph.D. Check it out when you have a moment and let us know if anything in that review hits home for you?

In the meantime, settle in, feel free to read others' threads, and post whenever and about whatever feels workable to you.

Glad we can be here for you;

kells76