dalrym
 Online
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 3
|
 |
« on: May 12, 2024, 02:55:13 PM » |
|
I have found this site very interesting and informative and would like to share my story as I think BPD traits could be present.
I met a girl through an online dating app almost three years ago now and we had contact for a month or two but never met due to the traveling nature of both her and my job. I did, however, sense that a lot of the communication didn't make sense. E.g. she suddenly said she was moving to a neighbouring country the day after she said she loved our country so much. To be honest I wondered if this was a real person at all, and just faded away so the conversation stopped. At this time, we were chatting on WhatsApp, so I had her number.
Then almost 6 months later we ran into each other by coincidence on a regional flight. We immediately recognised each other but didn't talk due to our seats being in different areas of the plane. She did however come walking down the aisle and smiling and flirting during the flight. Afterwards I sent her a WhatsApp message (I had kept her number) and she was extremely intense and interested in meeting straight away (I had already left the airport by then). She apologised her strange behaviour 6 months earlier and claimed it was because someone was stalking her, and was afraid it was me (in aftermath, another red flag….). Anyway, we planned to meet the next day, but she had to cancel due to being called for work. Then it was a lot back and forth.
We finally met at a bar a few weeks later (she cancelled 10 minutes before, but showed up as I said I was waiting there already) and we spent an hour together talking. A few days later I asked her out for dinner, and again a lot of push/pull from her side. I then put some pressure on her, and she then came to the city centre for dinner the same day. We had a really good time, and she was clear on her objective of starting a family withing 3-4 years (natural due to her being in her early 30s). I really sensed we had chemistry, and she was obviously charmed, and I asked her a few days later if she would come to my place for dinner. She said she would, but then 1 hour before our date she cancelled again. I had everything set up and was a bit frustrated of course. Then we texted a bit back and forth, she said she would come - then wanted to postpone… Then she suddenly went dead silent and didn't answer my phone call and never showed up. At this time, I was fed up and texted her a few days later but no reply. Then a week later she suddenly texted me and wanted to meet for dinner again, and "explained" she had gone to visit her family in another part of the country instead. (No apologise, just an explanation.) I was hesitant and she immediately got a bit aggressive and didn't accept that. I gave in and made a new appointment. This time I had a backup plan the same evening due to my previous experience. Guess what - she never turned up, and she didn't even give notice!
At that point I was shocked and by her behaviour and we just sent a few texts after that. Again, she never apologised, just came up with some explanation I really can't remember what was.
Then, I (stupidly, but I really missed her) sent a text to her 6 months later and she was again very positive and wanted to meet. She said she was afraid the last time but should have told me - but now she was in a different place (again - no apology). I fell for this, and two weeks later I went to her hometown and met in a hotel. We spent that weekend together, and the next weekend. She came to my hometown and stayed there for a few days and several weekends during the next two months. Things escalated quickly (I guess I was idealised), and she talked a lot about having a baby (which made me proceed with caution). I guess this was the love bombing stage, and I was of course over the moon at this point. I even asked her to be exclusive, and she wanted that as well. I noticed, however, that something wasn't right, e.g.:
• She was suspicious of me having cameras in the bedroom.
• Obsessed with my ex and forced me to show a picture of her
• Once she heard a noise from the living room and immediately asked if I had a crazy ex with keys to the apartment
• She accused me of surveilling her (which I didn't). Once I drove her to a neighbouring town where she was to meet a co-worker but told me stop by an apartment block. On the way there she said there was a dashboard light in her car that had illuminated. I told her I could check this out, but then she turned aggressive and accused me of not believing that she had parked her car where she said it was parked. I was quite perplexed so just dropped her off and went back.
• Another time she was in a hotel near the airport, and I called her in the morning to wish her a nice flight. She sounded strange when she answered and was noticeably short. Immediately after we hung up, I got a text from her saying "You just wanted to check where I was?".
• Extremely impulsive. Suddenly she could say she wanted to change her career, then not work at all, and stay at home with her future kids etc. Then she said she wanted to live in 4-5 different countries / cities, travel to another continent the following week etc.
• Change of moods: Once on our way to a restaurant, she suddenly was angry for something I did earlier that day and starter making plans with her gay friend instead of me. Then 10 minutes later she was happy again and called off those plans and spent the night with me as planned. Interestingly, she was living at my place for the weekend, so I am not sure how she had planned that out.
Anyway, I really was in love with this woman (or the idea of her I had created in my mind), so I wanted to give her a chance. Fast forward and she called me from a work trip abroad in the evening saying she wanted to start a new life with family and kids, and hoped I was the man she would do this with. Then she added that she was depressed. I said I also wanted this, and I suggested we discussed this when she came to my place the next weekend. She didn't come as she wasn't feeling well, and I noticed her started pulling away and called her to have a talk. She then said she wanted to be single, and that family was not that important to her anyways. Also, she started accusing me of creating plans to establish a future in my hometown where she didn't want to live. I politely said this was not the case, and she then went on saying I kept asking where she was all the time. This was not correct either, but when she called when traveling I felt it was natural to ask where she currently was. I felt like she was projecting her issues on me, and not being honest at all.
Anyway, I said I was sad to hear that she didn't want to continue. She added the usual BS that she didn't want to lose what he had and so on. I then went cold turkey, and three weeks later she contacted me saying she was thinking about me. We texted a little back and forth - still eager to meet me. A few months later I asked her about a restaurant in her hometown and she immediately asked if I was going there without meeting her. A bit surprised I said I was not under the impression she wanted that. Then a few days later she wrote "this conversation is not leading anywhere, wish you all the best". I didn't reply but felt this was really strange and reached out saying I was surprised how she suddenly felt. She then blocked me, and two months later I see her posing with a new boyfriend clearly posing to indicate she's pregnant (which I found out she is). I also found out the new boyfriend is a senior / manager in the same company she works. I immediately felt cheated on and deceived, as I believe it's obvious that she had this relationship going on at the same time as with me. This was much
tougher than the actual breakup even though we weren't together for more than a few months. I know I should have cut her off earlier, but it's not easy when things are going on.
Finally, I decided to let her know I knew what she had been up to and sent her a text explaining that I had been honest with her, and my intention with her was real (with establishing a family etc.) and wished her good luck. I also added that I knew about her new situation, and that being dishonest is not best thing to do over time. She then replied immediately claiming she didn't understand what I was talking about, and that we just went on a few dates. Then she sent another aggressive message saying that I could talk to her boyfriend if I wanted to, but that it wasn't going to be pleasant. I never replied of course, and she blocked me.
Based on what I've read on this site I recognise some of this behaviour as BPD traits, but it would be interesting to hear some feedback from you guys. Also, I am still feeling a bit down after this experience, and I wondered if anyone could share some tips on moving on?
|
