Valuable insights

[Ourworld]

Hello,

I just want to say that reading and praying for these posts and the people dealing with the issues of BPD has given me great insight into at least understanding some of the behavioral aspects of this terrible illness.

I strongly encourage you to just read things people have written about what they have experienced and how they handled it.

I can only say that I actually got up the courage to email my daughter (after someone gave me her email address) about some issues I have learned probably affected her. When she ranted back to me blaming me for all her problems and telling me I was crazy I did not feel upset in any way and understood.

While I do feel sad that happened to her and I will always hold her in my heart. I am so grateful to the postings of these brave, enduring people and with hope and a never-ending faith I look forward to seeing her again someday fully restored in heaven!
(BTW-I did not talk or refer to anything concerning religious beliefs-that has nothing to do with this, it is just my own journey.)

Be strong all you fierce warriors out there!

Love, OurWorld

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[BPDstinks]

thank you for that!  I feel like I am getting stronger every day (though....I am sad and confused....how does ANY child not take ONE minute to text...Happy Mother's Day (am I wrong to think of all the struggles parents face when having a child? does that not come into consideration, sigh!

[Ourworld]

Hi BPDStinks,

I do not expect anything from my daughter that would not be to her advantage, and a simple text to wish someone she blames for all her problems is not something she would do.
It’s funny you said that though, back in 2014 she did sent me an email that simply said Happy Mother’s Day. This was the year after she blocked me when things were just starting for her when she was 28, this is the last time she wished me happy anything; she had not acknowledged my birthday in March of that year.

In the recent email, she first let me know that because she grew up with an abusive mother is why she married an abusive husband, and at the end she said “I want to be as clear as possible—-you are the problem and always have been.”
She was an only child and knows how much children mean to me since when she became involved with the youth at church, she saw me beginning to teach children. She and I even helped kids on local missions. Obviously, her mentality has changed!

I was hoping it wasn’t full out BPD, but what she has said confirms my suspicions-I just hope she is getting therapy to deal with it.

[Ourworld]

A thought came to me that I think one of the reasons we may question what our children say is because we are open to honest and kind advice. But what we need to remember is that anything that is said that we need to do to be better people (such as counseling…) is said in anger. Something like a recommendation is said along with hate, judgement, and blame.

It hurts coming from someone so close to us that was loving and kind in the past and would only tell us something like this because they cared. But we must put it into proper perspective with the surrounding words and anger and blame, that it is not well-meaning. And this hurts, it hurts to see and realize how much they are hurting, but for our own sakes, we must come to this realization.