Hello GratefulDad, glad you felt ready to check back in again
When it comes to the desire to write a letter/email to the pwBPD in our lives, it can be important to really think through our goals and expectations. Sometimes, what's lying underneath that desire, is a tacit belief that "if I could just hit on the correct wording, my message would finally get through". And it's important to interrogate that belief to see if it's connected to reality.
I hear you that you want to validate her, share your feelings, share what you want out of the relationship, and set boundaries.
I'll comment that even as a "generally normal" person, that would be a
lot for me to receive in one letter. And, brief backstory, that's even though I do much better with written relationship communication than spoken (my H and I, neither of whom have BPD, had some significant challenges over the last few years, and used email to work through a lot).
To me, it reads a bit like a Hail Mary -- one last big effort to turn things around. Is that at all close, or am I off base?
I ask because relationship issues like yours (and mine) don't happen overnight. It takes years to kind of drift into the problem zone, and it can take significant time to climb back out (again, even between my H and I, we did not resolve our issue with one email -- it has taken probably a year+ to get back to normal).
Again, if I'm off base, let me know -- I'm thinking that if healing the relationship is your goal, it may be more worth it to make a much longer term plan, versus hanging so much on one big letter.
...
Ideally, what outcome would you want, if you were to give her the letter as described?
Based on your experiences, what outcome(s) might you expect?
Do those overlap?
...
We can walk with you through this -- effective communication with a pwBPD isn't always intuitive.
