In my experience, I think the trick is to look at your own behavior. The pw BPD isn't going to change. We have to. You do a LOT for her despite how badly she treats you. She has learned how to push your buttons and manipulate you to do things for her so that her needs are met. Also, chaos is "her normal". She thrives in it. You don't.
Also, if she's a hoarder, she might even resent you cleaning her apartment. So while you are trying to be helpful, and you probably clean so she can live in a healthy and safe environment, that might not be important to her. A hoarder isn't likely to see it that way. In a wierd kind of way, it might even feel threatening or controlling to her.
What can I do to stop this horrible cycle of her verbal abuse and not drown in her chaos?
In my experience, the only thing to do is pull back from the enabling. You can withdraw your services slowly over time, or all at once, depending on what works best for you and your needs for your own well-being. Just DON'T declare what you are doing. Just do it (use
action not words).
In short, we have to give them the space to do it their way, and then let them solve their own problems (i.e. don't pay her debts for her). She WILL find solutions. Eg. she uses Uber. If that solution then becomes a problem (an expense she can't afford), then the only way she will find a solution to that is if you stop paying her debts.
You can communicate you are unable to pay her debts from now on. You don't have to explain why. That gives her advance notice to change how she does things. If she doesn't make the adjustments, that's on her.
I just wouldn't tell her outright you won't be seeing her as much. That will blow up.
This is not easy. It's riddled with intense push back from them (abuse), guilt and obligation, and we have to learn to be ok with that. They in turn have to learn to be ok with living with the consequences of their own decisions. Some people just have to learn the hard way. IMHO, there is no other way. It has taken me years to come to the grim conclusion that I just have to let my own mother fail. It really hurts because as much as she has hurt me, I still care for her. But it's an unhealthy kind of love. I have lost years of my life trying to support her, and I have nothing for it but emotional pain and trauma.
Look after your own well-being. Let her look after hers.
Healthy families can support each other and be there for each other. With dysfunctional members in families, that just doesn't work the same. That's my conclusion.