Hi heritage_pass;
Yes, I know what you mean about something small or seemingly insignificant setting off your radar. It's a challenge finding balance between underselling it ("I'm just overreacting, it's not that big of a deal") and overselling it ("This is proof that he is up to something, I wouldn't be feeling this way if there wasn't something there") to ourselves.
One way we can find balance -- the third way, or middle way, that brings in both our logical mind and our emotional mind -- is through
mindfulness and "wise mind" to help us get to a grounded place where we can find effective, skills-based ways forward.
Maybe 3 months ago, I was in a similar situation: my H's kids' stepdad gave me an innocuous-seeming gift (stickers), yet I found myself mentally cranking on it for days.
What did it mean? Contextually it was unusual and my radar was going off like crazy.
I had to work on it here on the boards and with my T. Where I landed in therapy was: it might mean something, and it also might not mean something. I could be confident knowing that if it was nothing, I would know, and could let it go. If it was something, then something else would happen that would indicate that to me. And, if it was something, then I could be confident that I would have the skills at that future moment to deal with whatever came my way.
It came back to me being a choicemaker. I didn't have to let things happen to me -- I had choices about how I would respond to that situation or to any possible future situations, and I could have confidence that even if things seemed unclear in the present, "future me", if presented with more clear evidence, was very capable of handling things.
(I'll comment that any sort of confronting/"calling out"/interaction with the kids' stepdad about his behavior would've been a dead end, so I chose to deal with things that were 100% under my control, without attempting to "get him to see", get him to admit anything, or hope he would do anything differently. That may be similar for you.)
...
Thinking about your situation, one framing is that "it's happening to you" (passive, not a choicemaker) and another framing is that you're being presented with some facts and you get to actively decide on what you want based on your values.
You're looking at the context and it seems telling. You're noticing how your body feels, and something feels "off". Where do you think you want to go from here?
