Dazed and Confused

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I will try and keep this short. This has been going on the last couple of years and I’m at my wits end. I have been married to my husband for 5 years now and we have one child. The last couple of years the abuse has been getting worse and worse.

He has a lot of trauma in his past and recent stuff has activated it and he has been spiraling. We have started marriage counseling. But the last three days have been constant fighting and it seems like before any holiday or major event he spirals. I have reached out to domestic violence shelters and they have said what I have been put through is definitely abuse. He says things that didn’t happen and says it’s my fault. He gaslights me about events that didn’t happen or wants me to say something is the reason I did something when it clearly wasn’t.  He is claiming I’m the abusive one now. He claims that I’m not a great wife and he hasn’t had great times with me. He also states that I’m not the person he thought I was before we got married. Which I will admit I haven’t acted the best when we fight but he pushes my buttons and keeps pushing and won’t stop when I tell him to. He hasn’t been diagnosed with BPD or NPD but he sure seems to fit the category.

I just don’t know what to do. I tried to leave a couple of times but he always pulls me back in. He is a great man. I don’t have anyone where we live and have been kinda cut off from my family states away.

Not sure if this is at all making sense but please share advice and ideas.

[Confused728]

I will try and keep this short. This has been going on the last couple of years and I’m at my wits end. I have been married to my husband for 5 years now and we have one child. The last couple of years the abuse has been getting worse and worse.

He has a lot of trauma in his past and recent stuff has activated it and he has been spiraling. We have started marriage counseling. But the last three days have been constant fighting and it seems like before any holiday or major event he spirals. I have reached out to domestic violence shelters and they have said what I have been put through is definitely abuse. He says things that didn’t happen and says it’s my fault. He gaslights me about events that didn’t happen or wants me to say something is the reason I did something when it clearly wasn’t.  He is claiming I’m the abusive one now. He claims that I’m not a great wife and he hasn’t had great times with me. He also states that I’m not the person he thought I was before we got married. Which I will admit I haven’t acted the best when we fight but he pushes my buttons and keeps pushing and won’t stop when I tell him to. He hasn’t been diagnosed with BPD or NPD but he sure seems to fit the category.

I just don’t know what to do. I tried to leave a couple of times but he always pulls me back in. He is a great man. I don’t have anyone where we live and have been kinda cut off from my family states away.

Not sure if this is at all making sense but please share advice and ideas.

[Confused728]

I forgot to mention he has a lot of health issues so if I leave he won’t be able to take care of our son. So he claims. I just feel stuck.