BPD mother seems to have overwhelmed the staff at assisted living.

[Notwendy]

Exactly !!

I had planned a visit before all this happened and postponed it. She’s been asking people to “come get her”. Better that I let this settle first.

[HappyChappy]

I also wonder how much of the "confusion" is real or she's faking it.

My BPD mum, always falls back on "I don't understand", even when she had understood a few hours earlier. As you stated earlier Notwendy, the nurses will be better placed to know if she doesn't understand.

On a lighter note, my BPD mum's sister was a compassionate nurse, when my Dad died, she made a point of giving me a copy of Alice in Wonderland and saying, make sure your mum reads that. 

[zachira]

Notwendy,
I am so relieved you get it that you cannot visit your mother because you might be forced to take her home with you. For those of us who are raised by disordered family members to be the caretakers and blame ourselves for the abuses, it takes a lot of soul searching, often many years of therapy, to no longer be enabling the manipulations of disordered family members and their abuses of family members. You've got this!

[Methuen]

I had planned a visit before all this happened and postponed it. She’s been asking people to “come get her”. Better that I let this settle first.

Good decision!  Do NOT go visit her while she is saying "get me out of here".

OMG, the last time my mom fell and broke an arm, I had explained to the emerg Dr why I couldn't look after her, and told them that after previous falls, home care had been set up.  That takes time, so they had to "admit" her to hospital for 3 days until they had home care set up.  OMG.  She was "dysregulated" in there.  She drove the staff crazy, and even her doc told me "he had to get stern with her". The texts to me never stopped, and included the language "get me out of here".  The guilt was nuclear.  I was a wreck.  But I stuck to my plan.  I know you will too, but it can be quite intense once they have "decided" they are leaving, and they've also decided it's your job to rescue them from that institution.

Fast forward 3-4 years, to now.  I have a LOT of health issues going on right now.  I am extremely stressed, and I suspect that a lot of my physical issues are related to the stress imposed on me by the behaviors of my BPD mom.  We are supposed to be leaving on a one month road trip into the wilderness in 3 weeks (no cell service for most of it), so I know everyone here can understand how our leaving town will ramp up my mom's feelings of abandonment and behaviors.  It got to the point yesterday morning where I blocked my mom on my phone.  Like the daughter in the SLATE story, yesterday I chose myself.  It's still blocked today.  I need to let my nervous system calm down so that I can begin to heal physically, and actually go on our planned holiday into the wilderness.

My T yesterday asked me what that was like to block her, and the first word out of my mouth was RELIEF!  Emancipation! OMG - it felt so foreign...and so good to know that she couldn't reach me...

I did not tell my mom I blocked.  I believe that to be escalating and foolish.  I only did this because I was at a point where I needed to take care of myself, and "choose me".

I only mention this to plant a seed for you.  I have read about other people blocking their mom on the phone in my years on this forum, and could not imagine ever doing that myself.  It seemed like a terrible thing...

But I really want to go on my trip, and to do that, I know I need to be healthy enough to be confident to be going into the wilderness where there is little to no health care for a month.  So, yesterday I chose myself and blocked her for the first time in my life.  My nervous system has been whacked for some time now.

Looking back, I could have saved myself an incredible amount of stress if I had blocked mom while she was in hospital sending me truckloads of texts to "get her out of there" while she was in hospital those years ago.  Looking back, there's probably a lot of things I could have done to take better care of myself, and mom would have been just fine regardless.  Why do we let them do this to us?  Why?  Why?  That is the question...

The book "Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist" does a good job of pointing out that we can change our own thinking and behaviors, and work on our own self-confidence so that we can see a path to stop accepting some of their behaviors.  I took that first step yesterday when I blocked her to give myself some relief from the stress of her, and time to heal from my own medical issues before I leave on my trip.  It is a sad thing to have to do, but in the moment I was determined, I knew it was necessary, and I am not regretting it.

I just put this out there as an idea for you to contemplate, should you get to the point where you might actually ever be ready to consider it.  I am not suggesting it for right now, but what I can say, is that for me, when the time was right to do it, I knew it. There was no second guessing. Of course you would never block the facility, and you could stay in touch with them, it's just her and the behaviors and the invasive texts that get blocked, for as temporary a time as needed.  The way I see it, they are manipulative and emotionally abusive, and at some point when we are finally ready (because we hit our bottom?), we can decide to stop accepting that behavior, and start looking after ourselves.  

Strangely, I have believed I have been taking good care of myself because I eat healthy, do regular physical activity, have meditation apps, do yoga, am socially engaged, but through it all over these past 10 ish years, I've continued to allow mom to exercise her behaviors on me because I am afraid of her.  I think this is where many of us struggle.  

I will unblock her when I feel ready.  

I hope you can take care of yourself through this crisis.  Sending you strength and hugs.

[Tangled mangled]

One giant step to better health Methuen !

I’m just here again to cheer you and NW on.

My mum and dad and most of my siblings have been blocked for years now going 2 to 4 years.

It feels awful but I realised that I too was ‘ addicted’ to the drama. Not like I went seeking for it but the fact that it was always there made it difficult to unplug from. The story being spread in my case is that I’m going crazy. I’m loving it because nobody bothers a crazy person.

It’s a huge relief and it will take time to get used to. Once I started blocking disordered people in my life it was like wildfire spreading through my relationships because they all had to be blocked.

You will find that life’s not as stressful as you have become accustomed to and your body will thank you for it.
NW I’m glad you are not going to visit her distance you are keeping will allow your mum to experience the natural consequences of her behaviour.
Like I asked Methuen in the past, what will happen to your mum if she didn’t have any relatives to look out for her. Will she end up homeless on the streets, would the services ignore her needs. The answer to that is no.

The doctors and nurses and other professionals involved in their care will step in to make best interest decisions that your mums will not oppose.

It’s a privilege (not a right) to have kind, caring and responsible daughters like your mums have and that privilege has been immensely abused.

[Methuen]

The story being spread in my case is that I’m going crazy. I’m loving it because nobody bothers a crazy person.

This made me laugh.  A lot.  And I needed a laugh.

Like I asked Methuen in the past, what will happen to your mum if she didn’t have any relatives to look out for her. Will she end up homeless on the streets, would the services ignore her needs. The answer to that is no.

The doctors and nurses and other professionals involved in their care will step in to make best interest decisions that your mums will not oppose.

This rational and logical point is extremely helpful.  We have been conditioned to think and feel like we are responsible for solving the BPD's problems.  But there is a "system" that also has responsibility - and at some point, we are going to have to trust in that.  So thank you TM.

And thank you also TM for your words of encouragement.  You are like the angel above that just told me blocking is ok - and with humour "What took you so long?"

[zachira]

Methuen,
You have taken a big courageous step in blocking your mother and most likely will start to do this more often when you need to focus on self care.

[Methuen]

Got an email from the nursing director that the staff can't manage her and she needs to have private  care there. She can not afford that. Apparently she put one of the nurses in tears.

Assisted livings centers can evict a resident if they make the case that they can't provide the level of care they need. There is a memory care unit- with a higher staff/resident ratio, that might be possible but I also think they may just want her to leave. They haven't said that yet. They have to give 30 days notice if they do.

I am already looking at other assisted living situations in her area but it could be the same issue anyway.

I think I see what is going on here.  She is being oppositional and defiant and is resisting all help.  Now she is mistreating people.  She probably has the knowledge that if she behaves bad enough, she will be evicted.  She doesn't care if she is because she doesn't have servants there.  BPD's never think about "consequences" or what comes after.  Alternatively, she may want to be evicted, because then you (or someone else?) will have to look after her.

I had planned a visit before all this happened and postponed it. She’s been asking people to “come get her”.

Right?  I'm no psychoanalyst, but my mom was "demanding" me to "get her out" of the hospital when she broke her arm. 

I think your mom's game could be to misbehave because her distorted view of the world is that the assisted living workers won't cater to her every need on demand.  They aren't meeting her needs.  Therefore, she will behave however she needs to so that she gets a new place to live.  By telling people to "come get her" she is telegraphing she wants a caretaker. 

It's hard to tell what is "real" with her and what is her being manipulative. She calls me being all sweet- "I'd really like to see you". She doesn't usually do that or even ask me to visit.  It would be nice if it were sincere, but I can't believe what she tells me. Her usual demeanor with me isn't "nice" or affectionate- unless she's manipulating me. She may be confused but she still has her manipulative behaviors.

I suspect her extreme behavior is why some care facilities "medicate" some residents.  Could you ask the nursing director for a cognitive assessment test and geriatric psych assessment asap?  Does the facility do these or would you have to arrange it privately?  Also, could you ask the nursing director if there is some medication she takes that they could increase or give her to "calm her"?  Do you have healthcare POA?  Could you authorize this?  My mom has never authorized healthcare POA to me, and never will, so I will never have this option.  But if you have the option, it may be time to exercise it, even if you don't want to and find it distasteful.  Nobody wants a parent "medicated", but at some point we have to stop enabling our own torment and abuse from the BPD parent, and also that of the workers who have to take care of her. 

Even if you are successful in finding another facility to move her to, how much time do you have to invest to do that and move her?  Is she going to do the same thing at the new location, and every location, until there are no more locations? 

I still haven't unblocked my phone since yesterday.  Now when my phone "notifies me", my heart doesn't leap, and I don't panic that I will see her name lit up.

[Tangled mangled]

This made me laugh.  A lot.  And I needed a laugh.
 This rational and logical point is extremely helpful.  We have been conditioned to think and feel like we are responsible for solving the BPD's problems.  But there is a "system" that also has responsibility - and at some point, we are going to have to trust in that.  So thank you TM.

And thank you also TM for your words of encouragement.  You are like the angel above that just told me blocking is ok - and with humour "What took you so long?"

Glad to know it made you laugh- laughter is a good medicine too.

[Notwendy]

Methuen- I am so happy for you that you have chosen to give yourself some space and peace! You will have a nice retreat from all of this on your holiday!

I know that if my mother was closer to me, I'd have had to block her and stop contact. It would have been difficult. Due to distance, she can not call me for daily tasks like errands or meals. While I haven't blocked her, I do put my phone on silence and don't answer calls at times.

The stress during my father's illness showed itself physically for me. That scared me. I won't put myself in that situation again. My mother didn't seem to care if I slept or got any rest while staying with them. There was no routine, or regularity to meals ( I would bring them in when visiting). She might be up at night, sleep in the day.  I stopped staying with my parents and chose to stay at a hotel when visiting. I think we need our own space to be able to feel safe. We might be able to be rational about that feeling as adults but I think we are on "alert" around our mothers.  It would be a challenge to feel safe if she were closer. I am happy for you that you are creating some emotional safety for yourself.

I don't know what my mother's agenda is. If I had to identify the most difficult aspect of her behavior - it's her secrecy and lying. If she wants something, she won't reveal that- she will manipulate the situation. I have no way of knowing if what she tells me is true or not. I also can't tell if she's truly confused or it's an act as well. As scary as her dissociations and rages are- they are the one thing about her that is "real"- as she doesn't control them.

Of the three personas, "witch" is actually the easiest to deal with because it seems to be the most authentic. Waif is an act- and that is awful to see- she can be so pitiful. Queen seems to be her most comfortable persona- if there are people to meet her needs but putting the staff in that role isn't appropriate.

Her caretakers seem to think she is truly confused. I think there's a combination of confusion and manipulation. If the confusion persists after changing her medicines, I will ask for a cognitive evaluation. She knows that if she's not legally competent, I have the POA. If she is not truly confused, she will not let that happen and will be lucid again.

Methuen- your mother has made a mistake by not making you POA. In the US, there's another route- if a person isn't mentally competent and there isn't a POA, or the POA isn't willing to take that on- the person can become a ward of the state. If you aren't the POA and your mother can't make decisions for herself- someone will have to do that for her. It was a friend of my mother's who worked in a law office who suggested she make her children POA and so she took the friend's advice.

I don't know if she's aware of possible eviction or not. If she's evicted - there won't be much choice but to move her.  She will have to go somewhere. It would likely be the same thing anywhere. I would leave that to social services to help decide where. Before any facility accepts her- they'd look at her records to be sure they can acommodate her and if there is space available. So I don't know where that would be.

She is on medication to help calm her. I read somewhere that pwBPD seem to have no emotional skin. She is a bundle of nerves without the medicine- truly suffering emotionally. Hospice understands this and so they make these medicines available to her. The challenge has been to find the right dose. At a lower dose, she's so anxious, she's miserable. When they increase it, she gets confused and still acts out. I don't think they can ethically keep her over sedated, but it's been difficult to find what works best for her.

I understand the jumpy feeling when you see your mother's name calling. I think the silencing the phone helps with that as there's a sense of control- you don't have to answer it. I don't answer it all the time either.

[Methuen]

Methuen- your mother has made a mistake by not making you POA. In the US, there's another route- if a person isn't mentally competent and there isn't a POA, or the POA isn't willing to take that on- the person can become a ward of the state. If you aren't the POA and your mother can't make decisions for herself- someone will have to do that for her. It was a friend of my mother's who worked in a law office who suggested she make her children POA and so she took the friend's advice.

  If my mom loses capacity (she does have mild cognitive impairment), this is the way it will go (ward of the state), because she is far too dug in about her control over her own health to ever willingly sign it off to anyone else for any reason. She "fights" everything, including the things that would help her.  It's the classic example of a child learning a strategy in childhood to survive in dysfunctional and unsafe home (feistiness and fighting was her way  to keep herself safe), and then carrying that same strategy into adult life and relationships when she didn't need it anymore. A geriatric mental health consultant I had been disclosing my situation to when this all first started a few years ago suggested "I talk to mom about this health POA "  and ask her to sign it.  After I had disclosed everything about mom and our toxic relationship.  I asked her to open that conversation with mom, and that's where it all died.

I don't know if she's aware of possible eviction or not. If she's evicted - there won't be much choice but to move her.  She will have to go somewhere. It would likely be the same thing anywhere. I would leave that to social services to help decide where. Before any facility accepts her- they'd look at her records to be sure they can acommodate her and if there is space available. So I don't know where that would be.

The second best case scenario I see for you and your mom is that social services works this out for her.  That lets you step off the triangle, and lets her be responsible and accountable for her own behavior.  The best case scenario is if you mom comes to her own conclusion that staying here is better than going to a different facility.  I just read in Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist today, that BP's hate change and can't cope.  Well that's no surprise to us, but if she could figure out on her own that staying in this facility is her best option (therefore backing off the bad behaviors) I guess that would be the best case scenario.  As long as she believes she can get you or some other family to "come get her", the best case scenario can't be.

We can't help them if they won't help themselves.

She is on medication to help calm her. I read somewhere that pwBPD seem to have no emotional skin. She is a bundle of nerves without the medicine- truly suffering emotionally. Hospice understands this and so they make these medicines available to her. The challenge has been to find the right dose. At a lower dose, she's so anxious, she's miserable. When they increase it, she gets confused and still acts out. I don't think they can ethically keep her over sedated, but it's been difficult to find what works best for her.

I can't see your mom but I can try to imagine her (unsuccessfully I'm sure). I'm trying to imagine this anxiety and the dosing challenge you've described. If I had my mom's anxiety, I think it would kill me, but for her it's just normal.  If she's not anxious, she has to create drama to feel her normal anxiety.  It's craziness.  No sane person wants to live in that state perpetually.  My mom of course refuses all medication (because she doesn't like feeling "drugged").

I remember there was a medication that GaGrl said was effective for her mom, but I can't remember what it was. Iff dosing is a challenge for the reasons you've mentioned, I'm wondering if there could be a different drug, but I'm sure all that has been explored already by you and her Dr and her assisted living facility and care teams.

It just is what it is. 

I hope you are ok today.

[Notwendy]

Thanks Methuen-
BPD mother remains confused. The other times this has happened- she's cleared up with medicine changes and antibiotics- this time not. It may be that she's having some sort of dementia now. She isn't formally diagnosed and it's probably too soon to determine for sure- but I am going to request that her providers evaluate her- because it will determine what level care she needs.

It would be best for her to not move- but if she's evicted, she won't have the choice to stay. If she has a form of dementia- she will need a memory care unit.

We are involving social services- not to accuse the assisted living of anything but to help with determining what her needs are and what is the best situation for her. I think it's clear that the staff is overwhelmed with her needs. We were discussing options for placement and I also mentioned- being in my home town is not an option. It seems like a logical decision in "normal" situations and so I need to make it clear that BPD mother needs to stay around her area.

Hopefully GaGrl will post what medicine helped her mother. I think it's a watch and wait trial to see if BPD mother's thinking clears up soon and if not- then look at other medicines.

We assume that people will judge us but what social services said was a helpful surprise- she said "no judgement here" and that she sees situations where children go NC with their parents. I explained that BPD mother is better behaved with people that are not her family and that we, her children, need these boundaries, and we also need to be sure that BPD mother is in a safe situation. She understood!

[GaGrl]

My mother was not on a heavy medication regimen until well into her home hospice care, when she began having hallucinations in the night. She was given Ativan for anxiety and Haldol.  It worked for her most of the time. She was having both visual and auditory hallucinations.

When my sister was undergoing cancer treatment, she also took Ativan. It is addictive, but that isn't a concern with hospice patients. I think it's more about finding the right dosage.

[Notwendy]

Thanks. My mother has been a long time Atavan user. It used to help her a lot. Without it, she is overwhelmingly anxious. Interesting that, lately- each time, her Atavan is increased due to her anxiety- she gets confused.

They have backed down on it to see if she is less confused. I have read up on her situation- and Haldol was mentioned. I think it's too soon to add on another medicine- but if Atavan isn't working like it usually is- it is possible that Hospice might decide on Haldol.

She doesn't seem to be hallucinating but she is confused, and paranoid. She also asks the same question over again- which I think is a sign of dementia. It's possible that this is also going on- but it probably is too soon to be certain of that.

[GaGrl]

If hallucinations begin, it's pretty evident. Mom "saw" people in the room and wanted me to get them out. She saw a girl moving across the front lawn and wanted me to tell the neighbors to stay off the lawn. She saw a young woman in her room and wanted me to get her out. She "heard" conversations that weren't taking place. The best was the litter of puppies she saw.

[Lalisa]

.

Looking back, I could have saved myself an incredible amount of stress if I had blocked mom while she was in hospital sending me truckloads of texts to "get her out of there" while she was in hospital those years ago.  Looking back, there's probably a lot of things I could have done to take better care of myself, and mom would have been just fine regardless.  Why do we let them do this to us?  Why?  Why?  That is the question...

The book "Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist" does a good job of pointing out that we can change our own thinking and behaviors, and work on our own self-confidence so that we can see a path to stop accepting some of their behaviors.  I took that first step yesterday when I blocked her to give myself some relief from the stress of her, and time to heal from my own medical issues before I leave on my trip.  It is a sad thing to have to do, but in the moment I was determined, I knew it was necessary, and I am not regretting it.

I started to block my mother's calls a year ago. At first the FOG was unbearable but gradually, the more I did it, I started to see that the world did not end when I was not available to her 24/7. When I felt ready to speak with her, I called her. Finally, I was putting some real boundries in place to protect myself. I am so glad for you Methuen and wish you peace and rest on your holiday in the wilderness! I too can vouch for 'Stop Caretaking the Borderline', it's been the most useful self help book I've read on coping with a BPD relationship.

[Notwendy]

If hallucinations begin, it's pretty evident. Mom "saw" people in the room and wanted me to get them out. She saw a girl moving across the front lawn and wanted me to tell the neighbors to stay off the lawn. She saw a young woman in her room and wanted me to get her out. She "heard" conversations that weren't taking place. The best was the litter of puppies she saw.

She hasn't done this. She's been paranoid- more than usual. She's also been found wandering into other people's rooms- not on purpose but confused as to which one is hers. Apparently one resident is keeping their door locked to keep her out.

We did speak to the assisted living. Thankfully, they didn't evict her. They offered the memory care unit. They said they can't manage her or keep her safe on the regular floor. That was the underlying message- "offer you can't refuse" because if we didn't agree to memory care- they'd say they can't keep her safe.

They said something about her having dementia and I said I didn't think she was ever formally diagnosed as nobody told me that she ever was. So I don't think they have a formal one. To get to the memory care unit, one has to have that and so they are going to obtain a formal diagnosis and move her.

With their documenting of her behavior, Hospice can make that diagnosis. Of course she holds it together better with other people so seemed less confused with them. She knew the date and where she is but forgot she had dinner and how to use her phone, she forgets where her room is, asks the same question over and over. She's finished the antibiotics for presumed UTI and her medicine is being reduced so it's not all that, but even if she suddenly became lucid, she's gone in and out of confusion over time. The bottom line though is that they can't manage her on the regular floor and she has to move, even if she has periods of being less confused.

It's the best choice for her and not really a choice. Whether she likes it or not, she can't stay where she is. It's the highest level of care they offer and if she can't be managed there- then the only step up is a nursing home and she doesn't want to go to one if possible.

[zachira]

I recently visited a memory care unit to see a friend of mine. The staffing was incredible: a high number of staff to resident ratio and lots of caring attention to each resident. I liked how the staff knew when to interact with a resident and when to leave them alone. In my visits to nursing homes, residents often spend long hours in their rooms with mostly only required attention to their needs. The memory care unit could be a better fit for your mother though may be considerably more expensive than a nursing home. What do you think?

[ForeverDad]

During this time period, BPD mother was so emotionally and verbally abusive, it was overwehelming. For the sake of my own family and myself, I had to have boundaries and not facilitate my mother moving closer to me. Even my husband has stated he doesn't want my mother to move closer to us.

It has to be a no, it is a"no" but it also feels awful to say that no.

However much you may feel Guilted to step in, for your own sake and sanity your response must be No.  That's just the reality.

[Notwendy]

However much you may feel Guilted to step in, for your own sake and sanity your response must be No.  That's just the reality.

Thanks ForeverDad- yes, I agree- that isn't an option. She has her care needs met where she is. I'm glad they agreed to keep her at the assisted living.

[zachira]

It may be that the assisted living could not actually kick your mother out without finding her an alternative placement or getting a relative to take her to live with them. Probably no assisted living would take your mother suspecting or knowing that she is a high maintenance residence who really needs to be in a more restricted environment with lots of individual attention from staff. Not sure what would happen if your mother could no longer pay her bills, though if someone has no money whatsoever and needs nursing home care in the US, their bills would be paid in a nursing home likely with a shared room.

[Notwendy]

She isn't eligible for Medicaid- she has a monthly income that helps with her expenses. Her savings help her live in a nicer situation than a nursing home. We have tried to prevent her draining them so she doesn't have to be in a shared room in a nursing home.

I just blocked her number. Of course, it's temporary as I will have to speak to her at some point, but she called me yesterday wanting to spend some of her savings. Prior to her "dementia" consideration, it was her money to do what she wanted with. This time, I said no, and blocked her to stop her from repeated calling.

It was already difficult (impossible) to reason with her. Now, there's no point in trying - she didn't comprehend then, and she doesn't now. It's in her best interest to protect what she has left.

[zachira]

Glad you are protecting yourself from being berated by your mother by blocking your mother's number because you won't do what she wants. When we are the ongoing target of a disordered person who blames others for how they feel inside and have no way to stop being the target, limiting our contact with this person when we can't go no contact, protects the target and gives the target time for some peace and time to be less affected by the ongoing abuses. As targets, we do everything to keep things from escalating and it does not work. Right now, my neighbor is invading my private property because I refused to be her flying monkey in siding with her to make the HOA do everything she wants with zero regard for the rest of the neighbors.

[Methuen]

I just blocked her number. Of course, it's temporary as I will have to speak to her at some point, but she called me yesterday wanting to spend some of her savings. Prior to her "dementia" consideration, it was her money to do what she wanted with. This time, I said no, and blocked her to stop her from repeated calling.

It was already difficult (impossible) to reason with her. Now, there's no point in trying - she didn't comprehend then, and she doesn't now. It's in her best interest to protect what she has left.

You have done the right thing to protect both of you - her savings and your sanity.

The blocking HAS helped me a lot.  I feel safer and more at peace knowing she can't "reach" me with her messages and needs.

[Notwendy]

I didn't think the blocking would be much different than silencing my phone but it does! I think this is because even seeing my BPD mother's name pop up when she calls- I notice it and there's a sense of obligation- even if I don't answer. With blocking- that kind of intrusion doesn't happen. It feels calmer!

I know I will need to unblock her intermittently so that there is some communication but I can decide when to block/unblock.

[zachira]

Notwendy and Methuen,
We all need time to feel safe from the disordered people in our lives. Knowing that a disordered person can contact us at any time even if we don't have to respond leaves us walking on eggshells and in a state of fear of what horrible things they are going to say or do next. Glad you both are feeling better being in charge of when you choose to hear from either of your mothers by blocking them on your phones from time to time. Methuen, I hope you have a great vacation.

[Notwendy]

One relative just told me that BPD mother told her that she "isn't speaking to me" so I guess it's mutual!!

I did unblock her for a while today in case she needed to reach me, but she didn't call.

[Tangled mangled]

One relative just told me that BPD mother told her that she "isn't speaking to me" so I guess it's mutual!!

I did unblock her for a while today in case she needed to reach me, but she didn't call.

She’s no longer confused then !

Let’s hope she can start believing you are going crazy…so she can leave you alone for good.


Even intermittent blocking does a world of good… you deserve peace

[Notwendy]

She will be evaluated soon. There's no way to know how the evaluation will go. BPD mother still has her "manipulative" functions and sometimes, seems intact, and other times seems very confused.

With the confusion, it's hard to know if she's lying on purpose or confused. It's also hard to know when she is really confused or acting confused.

The main issue is that the staff feels they can't manage her on the regular floor she is in now. She will either have to move to a higher level of care at the assisted living or be placed somewhere else. Whatever the decision is, it's up to the facility and her medical providers, so I will just wait to see what they decide.

[Notwendy]

Edit- she does have some signs of cognitive impairment but can still "pull it together" for visitors. If she is assessed to have dementia- she can go to that unit. However, it's also possible she will pull it together for an evaluation- because it's hard to know when she's in control or not. So there is no telling how it will go.