My daughter

[princeton]

I am a mom with a 36 year old BPD daughter. She has not spoke to me since Thanksgiving 2023.  She has said I have lied about her and she DEMANDS to be heard! 
My family has been dealing with this for years but now she has gotten a DWI.
I tried to reach out through text, but she is still DEMANDING! to be heard to our entire family. I have explained her sister and step dad are done with her attitude and I can not force them to listen to her. She is incredibly mean to me and will not talk to me at all.
I need help! I’m really out of ideas.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[CC43]

Hi Princeton,

I understand how the rage of a loved one with BPD can really wear you down.  This particular situation seems so contradictory—she wants to be heard, and yet she’s not talking to you.

I think if she wants to talk to other family members, then she can go ahead and do that—call on the phone, visit in person or write a letter or email. You shouldn’t have to be involved at all!  It’s up to the other family members whether they listen or not. Maybe they are sick of the drama and aren’t interested in a re-hash. If that’s the case, maybe your daughter needs to apologize first. But you shouldn’t have to intervene. She’s 36. My opinion is that you do nothing. When she’s ready, she’ll reach out to you in all likelihood. I think you enjoy the respite from the drama and live your best life. 

[Ourworld]

Hi Princeton,

My advice is to delete the text string and block her from sending text messages to you, and communicate through email. Then write an email to her letting her know that from here on out you will only communicate with her via email, and let her know to ONLY email you if she needs YOUR assistance, and if she wants to talk to someone else in the family to contact them directly.

My daughter cut off ALL contact with me 11 years ago, but if she contacted me I know it would be as her last result, since in her mind I am the cause of everything bad that happens in her life, not her choices (that is too hard for her to contend with).

In the future, if you hear that she got in trouble, just pray, believing that God will help her figure out what she needs to do, God helps hurting people. Hope that if she does not contact you that she is probably handling it in some way.

I don’t know your beliefs, but God is our creator and can work in anyone’s sub-conscience even if they do not believe.

Take courage, OurWorld