She said that she'd also try to model the language and responses that I should use with my partner.
Did she seem to do that in the first joint session (as far as you could tell)? What do you think about that approach?
she doesn't expect my partner's behaviors to change much if at all. This is something I knew going into therapy but it does really make me think. The therapist was very blunt about the situation and asked me if my partner couldn't change would I still want to be with her.
How did you respond when she asked that?
The other thing, maybe the bigger one for me, is the constant cycle of break-up and make-up. The therapist was surprised when I said that we'd gone through this cycle maybe 3 or 4 times PER YEAR since we've been together.
What were the T's thoughts about that frequency? Any guidance or suggestions about breaking the cycle (might also be too soon)?
Feeling hopeful but, as I've felt for a long time, expecting that the wheels will come off at some point.
You've been through a lot of "wheels coming off" times in the past, it seems like.
I hope the two of you are able to "unprogram" what you used to do when the wheels came off -- because whatever the dynamic was, wasn't stopping the breakup/makeup cycles -- and are able to program some new pathways and have different experiences instead.
You might (to keep the analogy going) still have flat tires along the way, but hopefully you both will have a few more skills to change the tire instead of having to go back to the dealership and buy a new car every time.
Repair/moving forward vs repeating over and over.