Sudden realization that spouse may have BPD

[Lifesailor1]

Hello. First post ever. I finally joined after months of debating about it but I feel I need to learn from others who have lived through similar situations. My first question will be if anybody else out there has been in a long term relationship/marriage without realizing that their partner may suffer from BPD type traits, until a sudden change in life brought it out with a vengeance.

This is my situation and I am still reeling from it four years later, two years after touching bottom and even as the relationship has improved through couples counseling and improved efforts on my part (and on her part as well) to talk about how we feel. There has been no talk about BPD during any of those sessions and I dare not bring it up for fear of being attacked.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[kells76]

Hi Lifesailor1, glad you felt ready to reach out and get some support here 

Yes, I recall some members' stories here, where a significant stressor, or series of stressful events, "triggered" more visible BPD behaviors after many years of it being "dormant". I think one member was married for ~15 years before a natural disaster they went through was what "set off" his wife. So, if that's similar to what's going on for you, you're not alone.

How long have the two of you been together? What was the event that triggered things in your relationship?

[uncle_radical]

 Lifesailor1, I have recently discovered my 15 yr marriage is to a BPD riddled woman who's father passed in Oct 23' and that has triggered an incredibly difficult journey that I'm in the throes of now.  Take a look at my recent post to get more detail.  Please share your journey as well.  Deliberating on posting anonymously for support at a place that's free tells me you're on some serious eggshells and I get it, I'm right there with you.  Please tell us more about your situation

My situation:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=358968.0