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Author Topic: Weekend Homework, I would like a locked thread when I get back.  (Read 437 times)
TonyC
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: single
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« Reply #30 on: May 16, 2007, 04:50:28 PM »

ya know sometimes some really great people need to see or confirm what they were thinking before...some dont get the opportunity, they wander around the rest of thier lives wondering if it them...with no solid closure ...

few get to see it wasnt them ...that they were a good person... the whole time... and the person , after a long hard second look ... is the same creature they left behind...

i would be proud of that person and proud to know that person had the strength to confirm what they already knew...that they are a great person...and come back a better person for it

tony

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tigertime
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« Reply #31 on: May 16, 2007, 05:23:36 PM »

Just been reading SWOE for millionth time - I like  to dip in now and again.  Reading bit about resolving childhood issues (p105).  Women are supposed to marrytheir 'father' but I think I married my 'mother'.  I would say I had a secure and loving upbringing on the whole (though mum suffered PND - I don't remember this period). My mother was ALWAYS helping others   - helping them move house, feeding the five thousand, supporting alcoholic friends and ex-cons, looking after other people's kids when they needed a break...etc.  Life was never dull. My uBPDh has always been in caring professions and I was often asked what it was like being married to a saint.  I always felt I was more selfish, materialistic etc and wanted to be a 'better person' - I was shocked recently to read in my journal written in the early days of our relationship that I felt I didn't deserve h at times, that he would see who I really was and not love me as much.  Few friends and family would ever describe me as insecure - I wouldn't have said it about myself until last two years of OZ - but it was there.

Piza talked about being grateful to BPDex for having learned so much and I agree with this.  Tony talks about a person knowing that they are great. I'm still in pain and angry and confused but I don't feel the same need for acceptance from parents/bosses/ex and this has been liberating.    And I should add that I actually like myself!

It's weird - I'd have said up until  recent traumas that I was 'comfortable in my own skin', that I had pretty good self-esteem but looking back there were insecurities underneath and a fear of really being myself in case others didn't approve.  I had to be the good girl.  thanks to OZ, my self-esteem has taken an absolute battering (and I've battered myself), I've lost a lot of confidence and my life has just been one whirlwind after another recently but in many ways I feel more of an inner peace and calm than ever before.  I know so much more of who I am and I'm happy with me.

Problem is, I'm so happy  Smiling (click to insert in post) with me that I can't understand why h would ever leave and replace me instantly!  Told him the other day that it was his loss.
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