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Think About It... Rumination is a mode of responding to distress that involves repetitively and passively focusing on symptoms of distress and on the possible causes and consequences. Ruminating often precedes onset of depression. However, emotional memory can be managed for those who are haunted by the experiences of their past. ~Joseph Carver, Ph.D
Question: As a one who read the book, how do you rate this book?
Excellent - 32 (86.5%)
Good - 3 (8.1%)
Fair - 2 (5.4%)
Poor - 0 (0%)
Total Voters: 36

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Author Topic: Surviving a Borderline Parent - Kim Roth, Freda B. Friedman, PhD.  (Read 21523 times)
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Gender: Female
Posts: 709

« Reply #10 on: February 25, 2009, 11:55:46 AM »

WOW! Talk about a lightbulb moment! I second Tryingtogetby's motion for a book for children of BPD and NPD parents. My father is uNPD and I'm beginning to understand that my Mom is very likely uBPD.

Just reading the excerpt you posted from your book set of all kinds of alarms in my mind. I saw myself and my siblings there.

I never have had any clue that my parents were NPD/BPD. So why was I looking in here anyway, right. Well that's because I went and married a high functioning, invisible BPD over 20 years ago.

I only realized he was BPD about 2 years ago and a T confirmed that it is true. BPDH does NOT believe it and I stopped trying to shove it down his throught long ago. Now I just work on ME.

The family dynamic with BPD/NPD is really quite amazing. I know that I became codependant because of my parents. I also now understand why I could date my H for 4 years and still marry him after all the abnormal behaviors he was displaying back then. To me, they didn't seem abnormal because, guess what, that's the kind of stuff I grew up watching all my life. It's like a trap almost.

And now, my brother is folloing in our parents steps in good form. He is both BPD & NPD. I believe Dad was BPD & NPD and that Mom was BPD/OCD.

I now have OCD tendencies and my sister has OCD tendencies as well. Not debilitating but they are present.

These disorders are really like a "curse" to the entire family.

I have much to learn & understand now that I'm realizing this about my parents. Thank you for writing this book. I can't wait to read it.

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Gender: Female
Posts: 34

« Reply #11 on: December 04, 2009, 11:22:49 AM »


This book opened up many closed childhood memories, and Im so happy to address them and get rid of them, and KNOW it was not ME. Thanks so much for this book. Ill read it again and again.

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Gender: Female
Person in your life: Parent
Posts: 325

learning to stand all over again

« Reply #12 on: December 23, 2009, 03:04:24 AM »

Kim: Thank you for this book. Your book was handed to me by my counsellor one day and wow did the lightbulbs go off. Thank you for the validation, the answers I'd searched for so long and the chance to see the reality for what is and work on that.
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Gender: Female
Posts: 90

« Reply #13 on: October 21, 2010, 08:14:34 PM »

I definitely have survived a borderline mother  although I believe my siblings have pain that they are not yet willing to acknowledge or share with me... This is difficult for me... I want a loving family and having an extended family is important to me.  Hopefully this book will continue to give me ideas to help me. Kind regards, ellejayswan Doing the right thing

compassion is the greatest gift besides
love and forgiveness
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Gender: Female
Posts: 430

« Reply #14 on: March 10, 2012, 01:08:16 AM »

This book is changing my life- I read it recently and felt understood.  It helped me explore more and I found this site.  This book is helping me make sense of things.  It tells of things that I thought nobody knew about and has been very validating!

I'm trying to be.

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Posts: 22

« Reply #15 on: June 21, 2012, 01:20:59 PM »

Good to read all the above - this book was recently recommended to me and I've been debating whether to get it or not.  Guess it's officially been added to my list now. 

Thanks for your insight! cool
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Gender: Female
Posts: 145

« Reply #16 on: July 08, 2012, 04:15:13 PM »

Absolutely fantastic book! I'm about 6 months out of r/s with UBPDexgf, figured it out only AFTER the r/s ended. Thank the universe for my T, who has helped me slowly wake up to this truth. My T has encouraged me to focus on healing from parental BPD. I now get it that my alcoholic ma is uBPD (and alcoholic fa is uNPD).

This book really helped me focus on the healing part of the solution, with some very good examples of how BPD can play out in a parent. No doubt in my mind anymore, partially thanks to this book.

Someone I loved gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too was a gift (Mary Oliver)

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Posts: 6

« Reply #17 on: November 14, 2012, 10:17:09 PM »

This is an amazing book. It makes sense out of things that don't make sense. It lists specific traits you might see in someone with BPD, feelings you probably had because of that person etc. It's on my must-read for anyone wanting to know more about BPD and what parenting with BPD can do.

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Gender: Female
Person in your life: Parent
Posts: 28

« Reply #18 on: November 08, 2013, 10:00:29 AM »

This was the first book I read after someone mentioned to me that my mom may have BPD.

I found it EXTREMELY validating and liberating because I felt like it was written specifically for me. I could relate to nearly everything in the book, and the exercises were helpful.

That said, it took me several months to finish the book due to the emotional havoc of discovering that she would most likely never change, and having to re-live unsettling experiences.

The book helped me understand my mom, understand myself, grow, and heal. I would definitely recommend it.
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