"Why is a BPD diagnosis not given out more often?" It's at the root of a great insecurity many have... is the person in my life "ill" or is it me? What does it all mean when a person in our life fits many of the criteria of BPD or BPD traits (but not the obvious tangible criteria sch as cutting, suicide)and have seen a therapists and not been diagnosed or treated.
I very much liked reading what Skip wrote here: It's at the root of a great insecurity many have
. It certainly is for me.
Someone upthread suggested that therapists may be reluctant to diagnose because "you can't do with therapy with an empty chair". I think that's an excellent point; and it parallels (horribly) how a non (e.g. me) in a relationship with a pwBPD can behave. Is the other person "ill" or is it me? I was never able to bring myself to say, clearly and definitely: "YOU are ill" or "YOU are impossible to deal with" or "YOU are behaving in a way I can't put up with - I'm out of here". Precisely because, like a therapist, I knew that any chance to engage with the person depended on not
saying that. I think that with many kinds of therapy, there's a very good reason NOT to give an early diagnosis, if that'll prevent therapy from proceeding. (I'd feel terrible if I went into therapy and the therapist simply pronounced "You are suffering from mental disorder X" - I'd say "so what? It's a label. How about helping me with it?").
The big difference, of course, is that I'm not a therapist
. It was wrong of me to hold back my "diagnosis", for the sake of continued engagement, because I wasn't competent (or in the right kind of relationship - therapeutic - with the person) to do any good. But IMHO there are lots of good reasons why someone who is
a professional, qualified therapist, and could do some good, to avoid making a clear "diagnosis".
Makes it hard as hell for us recovering nons. I'm back to the point from Skip I started with: wouldn't it be great if there was some undeniable, authoritative rubber-stamp from on high that told us (definitely, in the face of every doubt, and in the face of every protestation from the BPDex that they were behaving totally reasonably) no: this person is definitely ill?