I think it should be pointed out, also, that depression sometimes isn't situational- it's biological.

Some people, like me, have biological depression. And, at least in my case, it can't be treated with medications (Or at least, it hasn't been successfully yet and I've had enough bad reactions to antidepressants to be fairly confident I don't want to give them another chance).

Keep in mind that it is ENTIRELY possible that medication won't help, regardless of if your depression is stemming from biological or situational causes (or both!). If medication doesn't help, it only means that the chemicals the antidepressants are trying to treat (usually Serotonin, as mentioned in the workshop post, but other neurotransmitters can and do effect moods and depression) aren't the problem.

Medication not working for you does NOT mean you are broken, "unfixable" or defective. There are ways of managing depression without the use of medication.

This topic has over 800 views but only two responses so far--obviously, it hits home for a number of us.

To add on to what has already been said: Additionally, "double depression" is possible--dysthymia with a concurrent episode of major depression.  For many with dysthymia, a low mood is thought of as normal; it is simply the way one is.  When a person has never known happiness, or does not remember it, understanding what it means to be happy becomes impossible.  Never having much energy, often being tired, neglecting basic tasks, repeated thoughts of death--some or all of these can be part of a normal day for a dysthymic individual who does not recognize him/herself as such.  An episode of depression on top of this may still be recognized by that individual as depression.

Lifestyle changes can also be important to recovering from depression, whether situational, genetic, or a combination.  Exercise, as hard as it is to do while depressed, makes a difference!  The same is true for diet, and for spending time outside (if one is affected by the diminished hours of daylight in winter).

For some of us, I think that depression is brought on when we internalize the BPD's criticisms of us--whether it happens as we are growing up in a dysfunctional household, whether it develops in the course of trying to make a marriage work, etc.  Additionally, it can occur as we realize the futility of anything we do in dealing with the BPD, as a sense of hopelessness and despair sets in.  In these cases, and in others relating to our dealings with BPDs, I think that it's important to remember that the depression may have both a situational and genetic component (regardless of whether or not we are related to someone suffering from mental illness).  Some people are genetically predisposed towards depression, which can be triggered by seemingly relatively minor circumstances (the converse is true as well--for some people, depression is triggered only by very severe situations).  This does NOT mean that these people are "weaker."

(Disclaimer: The above is my generalization based on my own experience and what I have observed of others.  It may or may not resonate with you--please disagree if you wish, or take what you will and ignore the rest.)

That's a very sobering statistic, Randi.

I haven't posted in a long while,but I believe this an appropriate subject to post on .I left my BPD last July after 13 years of "the cycle". He even took the most important thing in my world with him,our children ,but I held strong with the love and support of friends ,family and people I didn't hardly know .Almost four weeks ago ,he took several painkillers in what I believe was his final attempt to get my attention.He was prounced brain dead on Feb. 12,2008 at the age of 45 leaving behind two young children and a slew of people who had tried to help him all his life.He had gone to therapists ,tried medication,been loved to the point of almost total destruction.the only person that can help a BPD is themselves,like any other serious illness.My hope is that he has found the peace he sought on earth in vain.

For me when I think back on the final days/months/years of the marriage I had gotten to a more depressed point than I think I have known in my lifetime (which is really saying something considering my story)... .I literally felt as if I were drowning in dispair, an amazingly dark experience.

I know that I do have some PTSD from my childhood and first marriage, but, I had been able to manage it.  Even the panic attacks were something I could get through... .but this marriage really took a toll, on my emotional well being, my heart, my health.  A profound sadness took over my life... .for quite some time.

I've never considered suicide, always been far too responsible for such thoughts, I have kids that depend on me and I could never do anything like that to them... .they (and my own stubborness) have always been the one thing that keeps me strong, motivated, determined to beat whatever obstacles were thrown in my path.

Going to Therapy and having this place to come to over the last two years has been HUGE in my ability to overcome.  I've worked hard in T to understand my own issues, accept responsiblity for those things that I should, and rid myself of the blame I've taken on for everyone else.  My T is fairly impressed with my understanding of self and my resilliance... .but, I still have sleep issues, panic attacks, and a very high stress level in my everyday life... .

I'm a work in progress... .with alot of work ahead, but, everyday the wounds heal over a little bit more... .

I do worry about suicide but mostly for my uBPDw. I don't think she could handle life without me (how's that for affected?). However, after reading many posts I believe that she would be fine and that the helplessness I see is a setup.

Anyway, here's one of my stories to show how affected I am/was by her (nobody knows these things except all of you). In '01 my w found out I had taken out CCs without her knowing. I had debt of 35K in CCs. She blew up and it set off some horrible times in my life (terrible attacks on me in front of my kids... .punching, kicking, spitting, swearing). I had known she would find out and I remember thinking I'll just tell her and say I'm sorry and I'll work to fix things (also note; we had 500K in savings n investments but I had no access to them). When I told her, she slapped me. She would tell me how horrible I was all the time (mind you, she wouldn't leave though), I wouldn't get the kids or any of 'her' money if we divorced. I didn't know anything. I had basically raised the kids myself, and losing them would have killed me. I was scared and I believed what she told me. Plus, I was too embarrassed to get help from others. The money problem was so bad, I thought, that I seriously thought about suicide... .because of those CCs, and really because she had me convinced what a loser I was. I couldn't reach her in any way until there was money involved. Yet, the only problem we had, in her eyes, was the money.

I look back and think, OMG, I was so sure I was the evil one. Now, after years of the same behavior and my kids also noticing things, and this great site, I can't believe I was down that low. You become isolated from others (because of the bp), and your grasp on reality changes. You're beat down constantly and over time you become nothing. I finally opened up to my family and they really helped. But they had no idea what she was really like. Now, 7 years later, they've all seen her 'real' side and she's is an outsider almost. Even friends have seen it too. She doesn't have any girlfriends, and she doesn't like her own family.

Sorry for the diversion. The memories come flooding in. Point is, I thought suicide was an option for me, and somehow I came out of that. There is hope for all nons. It's not easy but it is possible.

owdrs

Though this Workshop is here on a board for people with BPD loved ones, that doesn't mean that depression is an issue only for those with BPD loved ones or with BPD themselves. 

How can we help family members and friends (not with BPD) to see that they are depressed and may need help?  Any ideas anybody?

Great thread. I have suffered several major depressive episodes in my life, been on the brink of suicidal ideation once or twice, but because I had the love of wonderful parents, DH and DD, I was able to hang on until I could get some help.

I am going through major stress now with BPDDD17 in crisis and DH in serious depression, anger, and denial and not yet getting help. I also suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, and I take St. John's wort seasonally to cope with that. So the holidays are hard for me every year, due to the SAD. And now with DD and DH falling apart, I am amazed that I'm not depressed. I am stressed, anxious, my blood pressure is up, I'm not sleeping well, but I am not depressed. Sad and upset, yes, but not depressed.