Could being accident prone = self-harm?

[Our abuse recovery guide]

When I first read the BPD criteria in relation to my uBPD mother, one of the few of the diagnostic criteria I thought she did not meet was the one concerning self-harm. (Most of the rest, yes, including suicidal tendencies.) She's an impulsive spender, but I wasn't sure if that was really a fit... .anyway, I've been rethinking in relation to her extreme accident proneness. It's hard to explain this. If there's a perfectly flat surface, she'll trip. If there's a way to grab something by the wrong end, she will, and will spill something hot on herself in the process. She always describes herself as extremely "clumsy" (which she certainly is). I've generally thought of this as a combination of ordinary clumsiness and the effect of her high anxiety, which leaves her distracted. This may be all it is, but there's something to it that's always struck me as especially weird. It's almost as she constantly has that feeling that people sometimes get in front of fire (don't stick your hand in your brain says, but another, countering part of the brain almost urges you to do just that) or at a steep drop (don't fall off... .the foot almost wants to take that step). I don't really know, just speculating and maybe not to any purpose.

Any thoughts? Anybody else have a highly accident-prone BPD?

B&W

[blackandwhite]

When I first read the BPD criteria in relation to my uBPD mother, one of the few of the diagnostic criteria I thought she did not meet was the one concerning self-harm. (Most of the rest, yes, including suicidal tendencies.) She's an impulsive spender, but I wasn't sure if that was really a fit... .anyway, I've been rethinking in relation to her extreme accident proneness. It's hard to explain this. If there's a perfectly flat surface, she'll trip. If there's a way to grab something by the wrong end, she will, and will spill something hot on herself in the process. She always describes herself as extremely "clumsy" (which she certainly is). I've generally thought of this as a combination of ordinary clumsiness and the effect of her high anxiety, which leaves her distracted. This may be all it is, but there's something to it that's always struck me as especially weird. It's almost as she constantly has that feeling that people sometimes get in front of fire (don't stick your hand in your brain says, but another, countering part of the brain almost urges you to do just that) or at a steep drop (don't fall off... .the foot almost wants to take that step). I don't really know, just speculating and maybe not to any purpose.

Any thoughts? Anybody else have a highly accident-prone BPD?

B&W

[sunstar*]

I am not trained in these issues, but my own view is that "self harm" can probably take many forms and can possibly be fairly widely interpreted. For example my own mother has always struggled with Anorexia, I regard this as a form as self harm. It could also perhaps be defined as not taking proper care of yourself, or possibly your mother is deliberately putting herself at risk of having accidents? Equally it occurs to me that some BPD's can be very distracted as they often seem to be dealing with lots of racing thoughts, or as you say if she is experiencing a lot of high anxiety. I would also wonder if it could be a side effect of any medication she is on or even if it was extreme waifish behaviour and wanting other's to care for her?

In truth I have no answers B&W. These are just some of my thoughts, but perhaps others will have some clearer explanations than I?

[loki8447]

uBPDm "accidentally" burned herself with a curling iron, over and over.  She bit her nails down to where they bled--not "intentionally," of course.  Later I came to believe that this all fell under self harming.

[RollingAndTumbling]

Wow, good question. My mother is also very accident prone, and I've always wondered if she was doing it subconsciously in order to get attention.  

She's been in a couple of car accidents - nothing major, but she definitely milks her 'whip lash' for all it's worth - and she also trips up a lot, falls down the stairs, etc.  She always make a HUGE deal about it.  She'll go to doctors in hopes of finding some injury that her accident caused, and she'll often talk about or occasionally actually take legal action against a car insurance company or a person/business if she falls on someone else's property.

She seems to 'enjoy' her accidents so much that I can see that, on some level, she might be harming herself on purpose.

[bobertthecat]

B&W,

I don't have an official answer. I do remember my mom always being hurt or sick somehow.

As I got into teenage-hood and beyond I began to feel that some of her slips, accidents and illnesses were self caused. She would trip frequently. This resulted in lots of bruises, sprained ankles and even a fractured wrist. All of which were the main topic of conversation when she was around. In my unexpert opinion, I think it was an attempt at self harm  :'( with a reward of being the "hurt one" to be coo-ed over and taken care of.

[blackandwhite]

Thanks to all--very interesting! I think you all put your finger on it. The attention-seeking quality of the various falls and accidents is what has been tipping me off to a BPD element. My mom can be very waif-like and wants a lot of attention for her boo-boos, like a toddler.

B&W

[Changingman]

Yes my UBPDXgf would have accidents weekly, odd bruises, falling over, down short stairs, dog hitting her top lip off, nails bitten off, head scratching, we went to A&E every 2-3 months where she would get angry at being there and shout at me you're not my Dad when I insisted on us waiting to be seen for stitches etc. burns from work, drink until she collapsed, substance abuse. I also thought at first when reading the symptoms of BPD she didn't exhibit self harm but she was amazing at covering up her condition. I think the destruction left behind when they leave is enough to diagnose them. But only a loving partner would ever see this and their lies and distortion puts this on you.