Long Distance Relationship in BPD?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

LDR relationships can work with them because they are never alone. As fromheeltoheal pointed out, due to electronics we are in an era of easily accessable, readily available communication; as a result, no one has to be alone. A person with a personality disorder can quickly build hundreds of these quasi friendships/relationships via electronic devices. I read an interesting article the other day about how social media is a Mecca for people with personality disorders. FB, in particular, is a big net, very efficient at catching many fish per cast.

Can you link that article here?

I wish that I could. I read it in a medical magazine while sitting in a doctor's office. I don't remember the magazine or the article title. It was just something that I read to keep myself occupied. There is probably information regarding this posted on the internet. I am sure that the phenomenon has been studied as big bucks are spent on advertising across social media.

[apollotech]

LDR relationships can work with them because they are never alone. As fromheeltoheal pointed out, due to electronics we are in an era of easily accessable, readily available communication; as a result, no one has to be alone. A person with a personality disorder can quickly build hundreds of these quasi friendships/relationships via electronic devices. I read an interesting article the other day about how social media is a Mecca for people with personality disorders. FB, in particular, is a big net, very efficient at catching many fish per cast.

Can you link that article here?

I wish that I could. I read it in a medical magazine while sitting in a doctor's office. I don't remember the magazine or the article title. It was just something that I read to keep myself occupied. There is probably information regarding this posted on the internet. I am sure that the phenomenon has been studied as big bucks are spent on advertising across social media.

[once removed]

hi kitkat, 

id urge you to do a search on this forum for some very similar threads.

a long distance relationship with a person with BPD is different than living with them, for sure. doesnt necessarily mean the outcome is different. there are always variables. it could be shorter, it could be longer.

i havent had one myself, but from what ive read, while youd be inclined to think about the abandonment issues, a long distance relationship helps mitigate the engulfment issues. it does not mean your partner is cheating on you.

[Fr4nz]

hi kitkat, 

id urge you to do a search on this forum for some very similar threads.

a long distance relationship with a person with BPD is different than living with them, for sure. doesnt necessarily mean the outcome is different. there are always variables. it could be shorter, it could be longer.

i havent had one myself, but from what ive read, while youd be inclined to think about the abandonment issues, a long distance relationship helps mitigate the engulfment issues. it does not mean your partner is cheating on you.

I agree with "once removed". I'm coming out from a medium-distance relationship (250km apart) that lasted 1.5 years and ended just before New Year.

We saw each other each weekend (we stayed toghether from Friday evening to Monday morning usually), but we also had the chance the live togheter day and night for few "blocks" of times (each one lasted around 3-4 weeks) for a total of around 3-4 months out of 1.5 years of relationship. So I both experienced the "distanced" part and the "living togheter" part.

From what I saw, on one hand the distance helps to mitigate the engulfment (in my case, I noticed remarkably less drama, fights, etc.). So, the distance may help A LOT in prolongating the relationship and defer some inevitable issues.

On the other hand, especially towards the final months of the relationship where I got devalued little by little, she sometimes told me she felt alone (but we anyway had lots of fights in that period, so probably it was all part of the BPD cycle).

[Mr.Downtrodden]

hi kitkat, 

id urge you to do a search on this forum for some very similar threads.

a long distance relationship with a person with BPD is different than living with them, for sure. doesnt necessarily mean the outcome is different. there are always variables. it could be shorter, it could be longer.

i havent had one myself, but from what ive read, while you'd be inclined to think about the abandonment issues, a long distance relationship helps mitigate the engulfment issues. it does not mean your partner is cheating on you.

I lived 2.5 hours away from my uBPDexgf.  The plan was for me to move in.  The relationship started strong, but because I wasn't "there" she was able to conceal the on and off r/s with her ex, and, as I later found out, sexual meaningless hookups with other guys, the FWB type deals.

She convinced me that her r/s with her ex was over and she got herself into therapy to deal with the emotional fallout.  The truth:  I was far enough away so that she could conceal her sexual activities with others, as a diagnosed hypersexual.  She even told her therapist that she was enjoying the "long distance" relationship with me.

When she was exposed, she disregulated and then abandoned me.

Had I lived closer and could be with her on a daily basis, I could have made a better evaluation early on before feelings had been invested.

[mitatsu]

I've got the perfect long distance R/S with my pwBpd... .5 miles and N/C 

[DyingLove]

1/1/11  We met on FB.  Her in Florida, Me in NY.

7/1/11  Stated relationship on FB.

10/22/11  I fly to Florida to physically meet with her.

9/01/12  I'm moving to Florida to be with the love of my life

12/20/12  I discover BPD and match her up perfectly. She takes the online test and the results are positive.

Somewhere in 2013 she goes to therapy maybe 3 or 4 times.  Says that therapist says we should break up.  I assume now that she said that to make me agree with her about NOT seeing a therapist.

2/7/15 Argument that causes breakup

2/7/15 - 3/19/15 Still living under same roof and being devalued constantly

3/15/15  The last time I would see her physically... .and it was quite a mess.

3/19/15  Beatup and sick beyond belief, friend from NY comes to FL and rescues me with the collaboration of others in NY. She had no clue I was leaving that day until she got home from work and saw I wasn't there.  She texted once and tried calling once. Neither of which I answered.

Today  Going thru withdrawl  and other BPD aftermath suffering.  Still N/C since 3/19/15. Waiting for it to get easier.

PS- She was a poor poor mother to her 9yo.  She eventually blamed me for HER not spending time with her kid because she was busy talking to me on FB and phone and skype... .etc.  All a bunch of BS.