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THE PSYCHOLOGY OF PERSONALITY DISORDERS
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Author Topic: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)  (Read 6758 times)
lifechangingdecision


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« Reply #20 on: November 23, 2014, 10:58:13 AM »

My husband and I just started EFT. We just got back from a retreat from it. I wrnt in with an open heart and mind but I am not expecting miracles. My biggest concern is that he never opens up or communicates. Never apologizes or takes accountability for his actions. He has BPD. I keep thinking is this really going to work until he works on himself first. We fought everyday on the retreat. Anytime we try to talk about anything he gets so mad and ignores me usially for days and that just nakes me angrier. Sometimes I feel like after 10 years of nonstop hurt and pain we are beyond repair. So confused I dont know what to do. My head tells me leving I would be so much happier and so wuld our kids but im so scared. He told me he woykd make my life a living hell if I left or he would commit suicide.
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Zon
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« Reply #21 on: November 25, 2014, 04:17:24 AM »

My husband and I just started EFT. We just got back from a retreat from it. I wrnt in with an open heart and mind but I am not expecting miracles. My biggest concern is that he never opens up or communicates. Never apologizes or takes accountability for his actions. He has BPD. I keep thinking is this really going to work until he works on himself first. We fought everyday on the retreat. Anytime we try to talk about anything he gets so mad and ignores me usially for days and that just nakes me angrier. Sometimes I feel like after 10 years of nonstop hurt and pain we are beyond repair. So confused I dont know what to do. My head tells me leving I would be so much happier and so wuld our kids but im so scared. He told me he woykd make my life a living hell if I left or he would commit suicide.

lifechangingdecision, I cannot say it will work or not.  It probably will not be obvious for quite sometime (many sessions).  I go, but I am not sure why.  She is acting more normal as of late.  She explains some of her actions.  Ironically, most of those actions seemed logical to me before she explained.  I did learn from the last session that when she gets really upset with me for no apparent (to me) reason is when she has read into what I have said or ask.  For example, when I asked her a question about a conflict between her and our D9, she stated that I "said" or implied something when all I did was ask a question about why she so upset at our daughter.

I wish you luck with the EFT.  More, I wish you luck with whichever outcome happens.
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I'm not like other people, I can't stand pain, it hurts me.  -- Daffy Duck
survivalmode27
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« Reply #22 on: December 02, 2014, 01:35:21 PM »

So far it does seem to be helping. We have moments where he goes off and gets anger and tells me I am terrible. Usually when I am leaving the house. then later he will call or text and wish me a good evening, or tell me to have a good time. Where before he would not talk to me for days. It is as if he can now recognize rational thoughts and irrational ones.
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lifechangingdecision


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« Reply #23 on: December 04, 2014, 11:16:30 PM »

Zon thank you for your response. He hasnt gone to his therapy in 3 weeks and comes up with every excuse in the book. The doctor he gets his meds from is horrible. We have both read that there are alot of options and there are certain meds that people with BPD amd Bipolar have had huge great success with that his doc has never even mentioned. Ive suggested numerous times for him to try a new doctor but he always forgets to call. To me this says i really dont care and dont want to change. If there are alot of other options and you have the potential to feel alot better why in the world wouldnt u want too. I swear he likes to blame everything on his psych issues so he doesnt have to be as accountable for his actions.
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Kailin


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« Reply #24 on: September 13, 2017, 09:36:46 PM »

Hi, my SO pwBpd is seeing a psychiatrist. He seems to be recommending us to use Eft, emotionally focused therapy, for his treatment. He suggests that I speak from my deepest feelings (of fear or shame for example) while completely connected emotionally, in order to reach him and receive comfort from him. The theory is that this type of exercise can heal both of our trauma. I've read four of the main books suggested for family members of Bpd and haven't seen anything recommending this type of treatment. Has anyone tried it?
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"I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity" Sarah Bareilles
Tattered Heart
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« Reply #25 on: September 14, 2017, 10:26:40 AM »

I don't know anything about this type of therapy but I found a peer reviewed article on the subject of EFT and BPD. (or at least the abstract). You might be able to find the original article to see what the research has shown.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18360195
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Portent
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« Reply #26 on: September 15, 2017, 03:05:46 PM »

Well our marriage councilor was ETF and he felt that as a BPD she would respond better to DBT.
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Kailin


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« Reply #27 on: September 16, 2017, 04:13:45 AM »

I'm so glad that my post was added to this thread. It was informative reading other peoples experiences with Eft in a BPD relationship. My H and I went through a long faze of reading psych books ourselves and trying to figure out our individual issues as well as our problems as a couple this way. We read a few books about Eft and tried doing the exercises without the benefit of a T. This had disastrous results in two ways: 1: I tried to become securely attached and become a secure base for him by not complaining or becoming angry and providing every need or want that he had if it was in my ability to possibly do so. The result was that my BPDh became increasingly demanding and hard to please. The effect this had on me was that since he was becoming less and less reasonable and I wasn't allowing myself any anger or boundary's that I internalized all of that anger into shame and my chronic depression worsened to the point that I was very suicidal. 2: the second issue that happened was when we tried to do the exercise where you pour your heart out in a connected state about a wound or trauma that happened in the relationship in the past. When I did this (again without T supervision) He became the most emotionally disregulated that I have ever seen him. It was like a nervous breakdown. He is normally functional BPD but he became non-functional for a few months. He was crying often and would stare at me with eyes wide open like a terrified small child looking at a vicious dog. He would spiral and rock his body and cry hysterically. This is why I was worried to try eft again. I can see now though that working with a psychiatrist and taking it slow can possibly be good for us. He also has more emotional skills than he did before. Back then he was not able to tell what emotion he was feeling accept sometimes anger. Now he is starting to differentiate emotions and identify them, including shades of emotions like frustration vs anger. His T says that his progress is faster than his average patient which is promising. He is also sometimes able to see if he had unjustified anger in some circumstances, this is unprecedented in our 17yrs of marriage. I plan to use eft communication in moderation and not to address any deep anger or deep pain that he has caused me for the time being.
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"I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity" Sarah Bareilles
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