B/c of my own issues, I found this person alluring for a reason and participated and am responsible for my part. It doesn’t mean I’m deserving of how I was treated or continue to be treated. But I have to be honest and take responsibility for my part for committing to e relationship with her and having a child.
For me, I was not in a healthy place when I engaged in the relationship. I’ve had self esteem issues,, insecurities, feeling less than, co dependency stuff. Not healthy things for a romantic relationship or having healthy intimacy. Or daily living. And it felt good, selfishly, to help someone I thought needed it. That’s on me. And it made me a good target for her too. And my partner played the damsel in distress really well too. Not a healthy mix. And I played a part.
Thanks for that OnceRemoved. Yes indeed, one should be careful about that trope of 'if you ask yourself if you are the BPD/NPD then you aren't'. And narcissism is thrown around a whole lot these days, so much that it is losing it's meaning.
And yes, I (I'll speak for myself here) absolutely, 100% allowed things that I should not have. And therefore that is my responsibility. And I should seek to understand why I was like that. Luckily, I wasn't accused of being abusive or a narcissist by my ex...but still I wanted to ask my therapist about it. In the end, for me, it was attachment issues and the sexual abuse in my childhood that contributed to me not be able to properly set boundaries, being afraid of losing her, etc.
BT400...I was in the same place, I wanted to help her and make her life better for her, and yes...it made me feel good to do that for her. She seemed so fragile and vulnerable. I'm still working through how much of that feeling good to support her and love her is codependency. I think to myself that when you love somebody you want to support them and make them feel safe.