Just left unexpectedly

[boogs152]

Help

11 month relationship. Put everything I had into it. We were living together and then out of the blue get a text that he’s left and the keys are in the letter box.


I don’t know what to do.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Harri]

Hi boogs152 and welcome to the board though I am sorry for what has brought you here.

It is very confusing and painful when someone suddenly drops us like that.  Unfortunately you are not alone in this experience as you will find as you read and post in threads on this board.  At this point I am not sure there is anything you can do other than to take care of yourself.

Can you tell us more?  Does he have a diagnosis of BPD, though it dos not matter if he does not but I assume he has exhibited behaviors prior to leaving that makes you suspect BPD.  is that correct?

Can you share some more so we can help you better?

I hope to hear from you soon.

[boogs152]

Hi Harri,

Thanks for taking the time to respond. Yes my partner has been formally diagnosed with BPD. Where do I start? My head is spinning sometimes.

We moved to a new town in recent months. He has steadily declined emotionally amd hates where we live. I understand why he hates where we live and I accepted how he felt but it was meant to be a temporary move.
I had a healthcare professional say that he may not be good with changes based on his condition. That he may feel a little out of his depth?Could you perhaps share your opinion on this?

I really try very hard to not define him by BPD because he is much more than that but boy oh boy it certainly feels like BPD dominates our relationship.

[Harri]

Where do I start? My head is spinning sometimes.

You start right where you are.    Just breathe.  We've got ya.

I had a healthcare professional say that he may not be good with changes based on his condition. That he may feel a little out of his depth?Could you perhaps share your opinion on this?

Stress and anxiety can certainly increase the behaviors that can occur.  Is he working?  In a place where he can still reach his old support network (other than just you)?  Is he trying to build a new one?

I really try very hard to not define him by BPD because he is much more than that but boy oh boy it certainly feels like BPD dominates our relationship.

It is good that you do not define him this way but you still need to be aware of his disorder and the fact that since it involves the personality it is a pervasive disorder.  You really can't detach the disorder/  I don't mean that in a bad way, I just mean that it is a part of him and I think it serves us better to see our loved ones as a whole.  We can do that without letting BPD be his only defining characteristic.  Does that make sense?

[boogs152]

He hasn’t worked for some time. From what I’ve observed and what he has told me that his condition has become more and more debilitating. Could that be correct over time if there is a lack of support?
He appears to have a greater lack of awareness... .of himself as well as the impact it has on others. It’s
Like watching a human being implode on himself and he appears to be barely holding on many occasions.

Where do stand in all of this? I mean to be honest since he left I’ve been enjoying the space and not dealing with tension and negativity. I do love him. What do I do? Wait for him to reach out?
I know that ultimately it’s up to me but given his condition I wish to handle this effectively and mindfully.

[Harri]

Hi.  I am sorry it took me a while to get back to you.

There can be fluctuations in level of function or sometimes they stay steady it is hard to tell for sure.  It could very well be that the new setting and the stress of all that had a huge impact on him.  Is he in treatment?  Is he compliant with it if he is?

Often times when people are dysregulating it is almost impossible to see how their behaviors affect others. 

Where do stand in all of this? I mean to be honest since he left I’ve been enjoying the space and not dealing with tension and negativity. I do love him. What do I do? Wait for him to reach out?
I know that ultimately it’s up to me but given his condition I wish to handle this effectively and mindfully.

I am glad you are finding some peace and are free from tension and negativity for now.  You ask where you stand.  I am unsure.  You have to decide that.  I do think taking time, letting him approach you is the best way to go.  You can't force him to talk to you and if he asked to be left alone, respect his wishes.  In the meantime, use this time for you to assess what you want, what you want out of the relationship if it resumes and learn more about yourself.  We have lots of tools and strategies that can improve communication and apply to any relationship.

I would say to work on building up your own support network as well.  You have us here of course but people in your new town would be nice too.  How are you doing in your new town?

[boogs152]

I understand that you’re busy! It’s okay if you need time to reply!

He’s not in treatment and I believe that he hasn’t really had any consistent help in the past. He’s seeing a psychologist who he likes but I don’t believe that it’s enough. He’s trying to make changes and I believe he wants a better life but he desperately needs focused treatment from what I’ve observed.
I have looked at communication protocol and attempted it many many times but what I find happens is that most of our discussions revolve around him.
I feel angry frustrated and neglected.

[Harri]

Thank you boogs!

It is hard when our pwBPD are not in therapy or do not want it. 

I am going to link an article here that may help you understand more about the disorder and what it takes to be in a relationship with a pwBPD.  The Do's and Don'ts in a BPD Relationship Having appropriate expectations is very important especially if the person is not in therapy or not compliant with therapy.  It is not easy and often there is no reciprocity.

See what you think about the article and in the meantime I really can't stress enough how important it is to develop a support network of your own starting with us here.  It is all too easy to feel alone and stay in that mindset.  Here you will find people in similar situations who share and really care about each other.  So I hope you jump in and post in other threads.  I have learned so much over the years and found that posting to others helps me as well.  It is easier to figure things out for someone else... .hahaha

Keep posting as you feel the need.  We can help you.

[boogs152]

   
. I’d like to take the opportunity to thank you so much for your help.

My partner with BPD and I share the same doctor. I went to the doctor to ask him some advice on seeking some support for myself regarding my partners struggles with mental illness.
The doctor told me that after meeting my partner on several occasions that he believes him to be at a very high risk of suicide and self harm currently.
I’m naturally concerned and frightened at this time.

My partner and I have been through many things this year with his rapidly changing moods. We also moved to a new town two months ago and my partner hasn’t coped at all. He left unexpectedly and returned to our old town last week and is now likely to be sleeping rough on the streets.

The issue at hand is the doctor mentioning that he believes my partner to be a high suicide risk.

Can you offer me some words or insights on this?
I have only been in this relationship nine months.

[boogs152]

I have since rang my partner to check on his welfare. I asked if he was suicidal at this time and he said that he was a few days ago but not now.
... .this is such a roller coaster.

[Harri]

https://bpdfamily.com/discussions/search-info3.htm

Hi boogs.  The above link is to our Suicide Protocol.  Part of it covers how to talk with someone who is suicidal.  a lot of it is counter intuitive.  It was a learning experience for me when i first read it so I hope you look through it.  Getting him to get help for himself may be difficult if he does not want help.

You are right.  It is a roller coaster and it is emotionally exhausting.  I hate saying the obvious but I will... .taking care of you is equally important at this time.  Accepting that you can't control him or prevent him for living on the streets, from refusing to seek help and are not responsible for his choices is hard but so vital. 

Do you know if your doctor reported him?  Physicians are mandatory reporters. 

Where do you want to go with this relationship?

[Mutt]

Hi boogs152,

I agree with Harri self care is super important when you feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster with your partner. It gives you the ebergy to function better. I just let the gym doing strong lifts  5x5 exercise helps me get rid of stress it helps me function more normally and I can tackle pretty well everything without feeling worn out and stressed out. What do you for self care?

[boogs152]

The doctor didn’t mention reporting him.

Self care... .that’s an interesting topic. I try hard to take care of my diet and getting plenty of sleep. I am pretty independent and can do a lot of things on my own like seeing a film or going out for dinner alone  and occasionally do things with other people.

I’m not sure what to say. My headspace is fairly resilient but sometimes I feel numb.
I have had therapy this year which helped. I find that most people don’t understand what I’m going thru and why I would be with someone with such troubles. Even my doctor told me that I’d have a much easier life if I just walked away from him.

[Radcliff]

boogs, I'm sorry for the worries you are facing.  But don't feel bad about feeling good about having some space.  These relationships are tough, and getting space to recharge and find ourselves again can be a healthy thing.  In re-reading your original thread:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=326021.0;all
I see that your partner has lived on the streets before.  Does your country have any residential DBT treatment programs?

When you called him to inquire about his welfare, how did he treat you?  What was the tone of the conversation?

RC

[boogs152]

When you say residential DBT programs what do you mean specifically?
In my country you need to have private health for those types of programs I believe?

When I rang him today he told me that he felt really bad emotionally earlier in the week but was feeling okay now. He seemed interested in how I was and said that it was nice to hear my voice and to talk to me.

[wendydarling]

Hi boogs152

I'd like to join others and offer my support to you, I've popped over from the son/daughter board, my 30 yr daughter suffers from BPD. I'm glad you've heard he is ok, he was able to share with you he was feeling really bad emotionally last week and is feeling ok now. That he was able to enquire how you are and that it was nice to hear your voice maybe an indication he's feeling less overwhelmed and consumed by his emotional state, his crisis. How are you feeling now you've spoken?

RTC are Residential Treatment Centres in the USA. We don't have such in the UK, yes private and also national health system paid through our taxes. How does you health system work, is he paying for the psychologist?

WDx

[boogs152]

Thanks for your kind words.

I’m feeling better since I spoke to him. It’s always the same... .when he feels better... .I feel better... .a sense of relief. I guess that often my moods go with his moods. Hopefully in time and with mindfulness I will get better at maintaining a more grounded state of emotions for myself.


We live in Australia. I’m thinking of navigating the possibility of private health insurance for him. There’s a lot to learn about medical cover. It’s all uncharted territory. I was told that he will get much more appropriate care under private medical cover. I’m not sure if anyone has some advice regarding that? Does anyone know of a reputable residence program in Australia that he could be enrolled in without private health?

He is seeing a psychologist under the mental health scheme. His psychologist bulk bills which means he’s entitled to ten free sessions with a psychologist a year.

[wendydarling]

You're welcome boogs152.

I'm glad you're feeling better having to spoken to him, is a relief. Has he spoken to you of previous treatments he's had, or if he has a desire for further treatment options? Do you think he's open to helping himself further than the sessions he presently attends, if you offered support in him accessing them?

WDx

[Radcliff]

I understand what you mean when you say that your moods tend to reflect his.  When we care about someone with BPD that's hard to avoid, though it's a good goal to lessen the effect.  What does your support system look like?  Do you have close friends?  Activities you pursue that you find rewarding?

RC

[boogs152]

Support network is non existent basically. My mother listens patiently and I appreciate her for that but I’m sure she thinks I’m crazy to stay. I’ve had numerous people tell me to leave and that includes medical professionals.

I’ve booked an appointment to see a DBT therapist to help me find better ways to communicate with my partner but it $200. Expensive.

I think my partner does want a better life he has made changes this year. I can see a more positive future with him if he continues to work on himself.
How do I get him to consider more treatment in the regards of a residencey prgram?

Is there a link somewhere

[boogs152]

I feel sad.


I feel really sad.

[Mutt]

What happened? Why are you feeling sad?

[boogs152]

Nothing happened Mutt. I’m just starting to see the situation for what it really is and not what I’d hoped it to be.

I saw a quote about radical acceptance on this website

[Harri]

Hi boogs.  I think feeling sad is a normal response here.  I am glad you reached out though.   Accepting things as they are is difficult but necessary.  You mentioned radical acceptance.  Are you familiar with it?  We have a couple of articles here if you want to read more about it.  RA is very helpful but is a process and sometimes I do it daily.

Let me know if you want the links to the articles

[Mutt]

I can understand how sad it initially feels when you’re starting to see the bigger picture in your situation all of the things are out of your control. That being said there is an upside to of all that a sense of real strength when you come to terms with what you can control and that’s you.

[boogs152]

I just want him to get better so that I can have my relaxed and happy partner more often. Those moments are fleeting.

I would like to read those articles... .

Thankyou

[boogs152]

I just cry sometimes.


When I give him a hug he doesn’t feel it. He doesn’t respond and there’s nothing to reciprocate. It’s the most horrible feeling. Empty.

I can understand why people may see a partner of BPD as being codependent. It’s like your starving for love sometimes.

Does that make sense

[Harri]

Here you go boogs    : 
Radical Acceptance For Family Members (DBT skill)
 
POLL: Radical Acceptance - Marsha Linehan PhD This one is much more in depth.

Yes, it makes sense boogs.  It is heartbreaking to see someone you care about hurting so bad and in turn hurting you back.  You are not responsible for his feelings and you can't make him feel whole boogs.  Do you remember the article I gave you on the Do's and Don'ts of a BPD relationship?   Look at it again.  Combine it with radical acceptance and keep reaching out here to us and to others on the board as you process things.

[boogs152]

I remember reading the article. I will look at it again. Thanks for your understanding. I really appreciate it.

I will read the articles.

He is another town now and I respect that he needs time to ground himself even though he hasn’t expressed that. I really just want him to do what he needs to do.

I don’t know where to go from here. I guess it just comes down to space and time doesn’t it?

[boogs152]

I think I’m going to step away from him for the time being. If he wishes to talk then I will keep the topics light. No expectations. What else can I do?

[Harri]

Boogs, taking some time and space is okay.  It is important to take care of you and part of that is figuring out where you fall within the relationship.  Figuring out what you want.

I think your plan to keep things light is a good one.  No expectations is okay but maybe focus on realistic expectations.  That is why i reminded you of that article I first gave you.  I know you are concerned about him and want to help but you need to be concerned for yourself as well.  I know I keep saying that but it is so important and will be whether he stays as he is now or returns or gets help.  You matter too.

Part of good self care is having a support network so keep reaching out here but I think you need to build up some support with others here as well.  What do you think?  It is comforting to see you are not alone and often it is helpful to help others in a similar situation.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[boogs152]

Part of good self care is having a support network so keep reaching out here but I think you need to build up some support with others here as well.  What do you think?  It is comforting to see you are not alone and often it is helpful to help others in a similar situation.




I think I understand.


This is all such new territory.

Thanks Harri

[Harri]

Aww boogs    You are so welcome. 

It is new territory but you are not alone any more.  We've got you.  Just breathe

[once removed]

We were living together and then out of the blue get a text that he’s left and the keys are in the letter box.

what did the text say?

have you seen any sign of any of this ongoing behavior before? are the two of you having regular contact right now?

[boogs152]

The text said nothing more than

“I’m on my way. The keys to the apartment are in the letterbox” xxxx


We’ve spoken once on the telephone since he left ten days ago. That was only because I called him to check on his welfare. He sounded better and said it was good to hear my voice.

[boogs152]

Can anyone offer any opinions or advice regarding expectations within a relationship? Or should I just go back to the RA article?

[Radcliff]

Can anyone offer any opinions or advice regarding expectations within a relationship? Or should I just go back to the RA article?

Can you tell us a little more about your question?  Are there some expectations that you are wondering whether or not they are reasonable?

On the support network topic, let's keep going with that.  I had a therapist pushing this on me for a while, and honestly it took me months to get a clue and really establish a broad support network that included several family members, friends, and organizations.  It has made an amazing difference.  Not everyone need be clued in on your BPD situation.  A hobby group or book club totally separated from BPD can be a good component of your support list.  What opportunities can you think of?  Do you have any old friends who you've lost touch with?  Personal interests, activities, or hobbies that you could rekindle?  Let's brainstorm a bit... .

RC

[boogs152]

Thanks and that’s great advice... .I didn’t honk of support outside of BPD. Kinda obvious now that I think about it.


In terms of expectations? I mean what should we expect from our partner? My partner was constantly in turmoil. He said that he’s accepted that he will probably never have the kind of relationship he wants which is an enduring relationship and to  grow old with someone.

I find this confusing given Is discussed with him many time how it was important that we work together side by side to ensure a greater possibility of a long term relationship.

I’m totally confused about another thing... .

Quite regularly he would ignore me for days and stay in his room. Avoiding me. This has been happening all year. It was really stressful in the initial part of our relationship because it was like he hated me and I had no idea why most times. I tried to stay strong and patient but eventually it wore me down. When I asked him in a calm voice if he saw our relationship reaching its full potential if we were to keep continuing on with him ignoring me in such regular cycles?
He looked at me totally offended and said “Well that’s a very good question!”  I then responded and said that I wanted a partner that would stand beside me and work through our relationship in an adult way instead of going round and round in circles like teenagers.
He retorted quickly with “Well let’s break up then!”

I’m totally confused. Why would be so quick to break up? I thought the point I was trying to make as being quite reasonable given the amount of times he’s ignored me this year.

I was totally utterly confused

[boogs152]

Now he just messaged me saying that he wishes to catch a bus five hrs from interstate to our apartment so he can collect some mail and catch up. He says he misses our cat... .

?

[once removed]

as far as what to expect, this is a very good starting point: https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-does-it-take-be-relationship

our partners, in general, have a limited capacity, and limited skills in relationships, and poor coping skills. this can take a toll on us over time.

so he wants to get together? did you respond?

[Radcliff]

Your feelings about him ignoring you and the difficulty for a relationship to reach its full potential that way are totally reasonable.  The issue is that our partners often have hair triggers, which leaves very little room for error for us.  He may have seen a comment about acting like teenagers as invalidating.  You might or might not have been more successful by avoiding invalidating speech, and framing things more positively (talk about how enjoyable it is to spend time with him, etc.).  This is "best practice," but it doesn't guarantee results.  Unfortunately some of our expectations that would be reasonable in a healthy relationship don't end up being realistic in a BPD relationship.  Over time, with patience and tools, we may see positive changes in their behavior towards us, or we may not.   The only behavior we have control over is our own.

Do you have any thoughts on more sources for outside support?

RC

[boogs152]

I understand what you’re saying... .

But when you say that using tools may or may not work or the relationship may or may not improve  it makes me feel as though I’m navigating this relationship without a compass to guide me. I understand that it’s important to practice self care and to have  support networks but how does one ground oneself when there no escaping the fact that despite best efforts... .we are still in a relationship with a pwBPD.


I mean I feel totally out of my depth. The ability to communicate with my partner currently is zero. And my patience is wearing thin with him. I mean I have NO IDEA what to say to him when I see him next.

When he told me via text that he was returning back  to our apartment I simply responded with “ Sounds good”. I have NO IDEA what to say to him when he returns. I’m too confused to know what to say anymore. Do I carry on like nothing happened? I know that he will!

I like indoor rock climbing and bike riding and films

[Radcliff]

When you say "ground ones' self" do you mean how do we stay oriented to some "reasonable" representation of reality and keep track of which way is up?  At times, I found that so difficult.  It felt like I was flying a helicopter in a sandstorm, and couldn't see the horizon, so was completely unable to figure out "up."  My internal compass was totally broken (OK, gyroscope, in case any aviators are fact-checking me ;)  In the beginning, I leaned heavily on this community to stay grounded.  Eventually, I started to build an internal capacity to stay oriented, though when things get tough I still need to lean on others a bit to get re-grounded.

Part of being grounded is being able to get in touch with what we want, and being able to understand what's in our power and what's outside of it.  I can completely relate to the pwBPD reconnecting and then pretending that absolutely nothing happened.  Honestly, I was often so frazzled and upset at the disconnection I was willing, even grateful, to have the chance to pretend as well, just bury it, and try to carry on.  Unfortunately, doing this meant that nothing got better, and things kept repeating like the movie "Groundhog Day."  I also found myself living completely without boundaries.

First thought, when you said, "Sounds good," it sounds like that was almost reflexive behavior.  A super useful tool is to train yourself to buy some time before responding.  Even a single breath at first.  Then maybe ten.  You can even take a walk and wait an hour.  This gives you time to consider not just what your brain wants, but how your body feels.  It's going to take practice to get in touch with this.  The time also let's you uncover options you might not have considered (perhaps you could meet him for dinner halfway -- not advising that necessarily, just giving an example).

So he's coming back.  Take some time to think through what you want to happen.  When he comes in the door, what are the various things that could happen, and how do you feel about them?  If you could steer things towards a particular scenario, what would you want?  Are there any boundaries you'd like to hold, things you don't want to have happen?

RC

[boogs152]

Thankyou Radcliffe this was probably the most focused point of advice I’ve received lately. I really appreciate your help. Everyone has been amazing but your advice has helped me get more specific to what I’m trying to achieve.

I’ll consider this advice and get back to you.

[Radcliff]

You are welcome!  Glad it helped.  That's what this place is about.  The more you ask and discuss, the more it helps others, too.  once removed, Harri, Mutt, wendydarling, the rest of the gang, and I will be here, and are looking forward to hearing from you!

RC

[boogs152]

Well in short regarding the immediate future... .if he wishes to remain together I would feel more empowered if I could retain some control within the relationship. I mean, I’m at a total loss as to what to say to him. I’m always second guessing myself. I’ve usually put so much thought into what I’ve wanted to say in the past but it’s always wrong.
Don’t get me wrong, he’s not entirely unreasonable. Sometimes we communicate very well when he is relaxed and grounded. But when he’s distressed (which is 80% to 90% of the time) he’s almost impossible to communicate with. It’s like I need to learn a whole new language.

Can anyone give me some examples of what to say when you want to say
“okay let’s try again but this time with boundaries”. Or any other suggestions are much appreciated. I’m probably going to be seeing him in the next 48 hrs.

[once removed]

Can anyone give me some examples of what to say when you want to say
“okay let’s try again but this time with boundaries”. Or any other suggestions are much appreciated. I’m probably going to be seeing him in the next 48 hrs.

i would probably let him lead, and not push for explanations or answers, or inquire about the relationship status. i understand youre likely feeling overwhelmed with those things, however, the last thing you want is for him to run off again. i would tell him how glad i am to see him, but not be demanding or needy about it.

under what circumstances are you seeing him?

[boogs152]

Thankyou I will take your advice. He has been gone nearly two weeks. He will be returning to our flat for a couple of nights to collect mail and see our cat apparently.

[boogs152]

He doesn’t have anywhere to live so whilst he been away he’s been sleeping friends couches or rough on the streets

[Radcliff]

You may not be able to have a rational conversation about boundaries.  He may find the idea threatening.  pwBPD are poorly differentiated -- he likely has trouble seeing you as a distinct human being from him.  It often works better just to put the boundaries in place.  Making any boundary changes is likely to result in pushback.  There are two possible areas to concentrate first -- one is on very important boundaries.  The other is on boundaries where we're actually doing most of the damage ourselves by rushing in to sacrifice ourselves before the other person even asks, for example. 

Getting back to my boundaries question about his upcoming visit, what boundaries would you like to maintain?

RC

[boogs152]

Everything you just mentioned explains my partner distinctly. I’m not good with boundaries at all. I try but I always feel that he’s one step ahead of me. When I really exerted my boundaries in the past it has taken an enormous amount of focus on my behalf and it has often resulted in him ignoring me for days. So when you ask about what boundaries I want to maintain? I fall short with an answer. I wouldn’t say my confidence has been affected especially but I’m really confused.

I think he wants me to take the lead more but I don’t know how given my past experiences with him

[Harri]

Hi again boogs!

Yes, boundaries are tough.  Especially when you are not used to setting and enforcing them. 

There are a couple of things going on here.  One, your BF is going to push back as always when you begin to change the way you usually interact with him or change the way you usually respond.  Two, you are used to responding in such a way that you avoid setting him off and avoid feeling uncomfortable yourself.  Changing habits, which often follow us across our lifetime, is going to feel very uncomfortable.  We are going to fight ourselves as we change our more natural inclinations especially when we have seen those things result in a blow up from our pwBPD.

Does that make sense?  So we are fighting on two levels.  One external (BF) and one internal (our Self).

You will feel uncomfortable, anxious, wrong, etc.  He will get upset, push back, and possibly increase his 'less than desirable behaviors'.  Expect it.  Stick to whatever boundary you start with.  Remember, he is responsible for his reactions and you can not control them no matter how much you may twist yourself around trying to do so.  Using the communication tools can help but he will be who he is.  Over time, he may respond better.  Over time, you will feel better.  <---- that is all you can control.

[boogs152]

I understand. It feels like a no win situation sometimes. I must say that I’ve been feeling a lot better for the space. Less stress on my face and the colour is returning to my face.It’s sad that is has to be that way. It doesn’t make me love him any less.

[Harri]

It doesn’t make me love him any less.

Very true.  I think that is the hardest part of all.  Sometimes choosing not to act on our love or to not follow what our love drives us towards is the hardest but most healthy thing we can do in these situations.

 

[boogs152]

I’m back at that angry and then sad stage... .angry and then sad.
I guess I just need to get busy.

[Harri]

It's okay to go back and forth between anger and sadness.  Feelings just are. 

What do you mean when you say 'get busy'? 

[boogs152]

Busy... .distract myself

[Harley Quinn]

This thread has reached it's size limit and is now locked.  Please feel free to start a new thread to continue the topic discussion.

Thanks for your participation and understanding.