You want me to send that text, but you don't have actual experience of how it will be received.
I think it's the right text... .But honestly, right now I am vulnerable to any suggestion.
BTW... .I read the book you sent me last night. Good info, not a lot, but good theory. And the author does admit that he has not tried all he is suggesting.
I do agree, as my last bed story shows, I need HER to come towards me. She needs to feel safe with me ( just like a little girl... .Amazing ! ).
So if I send the text, she responds,and then I go silent, will she continue to reach out ? If I go silent, will she feel like I am ignoring her and get mad ?
And then at what point do I respond and engage back in ?
No offence here, but you are asking me to follow a course of action that you have not done yourself. I can't help but think that it's a course of action you wish you had followed.
Understandable ?
I can understand your insecurity in this situation. At the end of the day this is not only about you it is equally about her and her right to choose how she lives her life despite everyone else's good intentions, and also at times her own disordered reasoning.
What this mean is that you can only be clear where you stand, make it clear to yourself and to your ex, and your reasoning. You cannot sell your reality, hopes or projections to anyone else. despite her disorder it is her right to choose.
You have received good advice in this thread on how to go about this as fairly as you can to both yourself and her. The approaches suggested will minimize unnecessary triggering and better help you move forward whichever way the cards fall. There are no guarantees about what she really thinks, how long she will think this way, or how she will react as circumstances change for her.
The approach suggested by Christoff522 will also have the least damaging effect on you, nothing can eliminate it, but it is a healthy stepping stone for moving forward.
Think of it as your wrap up statement, then it is up to her what she is going to about it, if anything, now or in the future. Do not under any circumstance allow her to string it out either now or in the future otherwise you can become a pawn in her future power plays.
You have to learn to get your mind out of this orbit you seem to be stuck in. You have options and choices too. At the moment you seem stuck on this as your do or die option
In the mean time I would suggest checking out the
Leaving Board, as you are in need of some detaching skills
If it does come to pass that a some stage you are back on the agenda, do not expect that to be easy. It is a long and very difficult path to tread
All the best with whatever unravels
waverider