Daughter with BPD in crisis - RTC recommendation?

[Jen2020]

A couple of weeks ago, my 18-year-old daughter called me from college (her second semester in the process of becoming completely non-functional and failing all classes, just like the first), and said she listened to a Ted Talk on BPD, and the she finally felt like she "was seen".  I have spent so much time over the past five years researching and working with counselors to help her, and no disorder seemed to check all the boxes.  When I looked up BPD, she checks every box in spades.  Name a symptom, and I can tell you horror stories.  I have recently found this forum, and I so relate to everyone's stories, struggles, and desperation.

I had alerted her school several weeks ago that I believed she was in a mental crisis mode (she is at school because she refused to come home), and finally this past Friday the health services counselor saw her and immediately took her to an intensive inpatient program for suicidal ideation, and ongoing self harm.  She is due to be released on Monday.  I know she will continue to spiral downward with the isolation constraints due to COVID, so I have been researching more focused treatment facilities.

Has anyone had any experience with Sierra Tuscon or Timberline Knolls with respect to BPD?

Any advice appreciated.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Hi Jen2020

I am jumping in here to welcome you...and also to ask you to be patient as you wait for responses.  Your experiences are not mine but, for sure, there are others here who do relate. 

No need to remind you that these are "different" times and the traffic on this forum is not as it was before because people are faced with other overwhelming struggles due to this pandemic.

It is encouraging to read your words... "I have recently found this forum and I so relate to everyone's stories, struggles and desperation."  You have got a taste of what this is all about...helping each other.  You see that you are not alone in your struggles as you live with a loved one who could very well be suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder.

I want to point out that not all here have heard the official diagnosis as being BPD.  Many, like you, have done their research and also checked all the boxes.  It brings tears to my eyes to read that your daughter told you she listened to a Ted Talk on BPD and finally felt like she was seen.   Wow!

I can only imagine the stress you are under now with your daughter so far away...travel to/from so restricted.  It is mind-boggling to read that it was only on Friday she was hospitalized because of suicidal thoughts...then will be released on Monday.  My heart goes out to you!

Stick with us, Jen2020!   You will have hit a nerve with more than one who will log on to read your posts.  Meanwhile, I am glad you are here.

((HUGS) from one Mom to another.

Huat

[PeaceMom]

Jen2020,
Hi and I’m so sorry about your current situation. You can click on my name and read thru my story w/DD20. I believe both places you mentioned are quite reputable and we looked at both of those for DD. I think another place called Clearview was on our list, as well. She ended up just going to an intensive IOP that did DBT for an entire summer at age 18. At the time, I didn’t know if it was helpful bc the behavior was still toxic and  dangerous.
There Is another place in Atlanta called Skyland Trail that has a program for BPD young adults. My son with BP went there. It’s a lovely small campus with a college type feel. I have good things to say about it for BP1 .
You are fully in the middle of a crises, but your own self care is crucial. How are you doing with that? Sending you a huge ((HUG) from a mon that gets it!
Peacemom

[Jen2020]

Thank you so much for your response.  It helps a lot to hear from someone who has gone through similar situations.  I'm doing OK aside from laying awake every night, heart thumping in chest with worry.  And much of the day.  I spoke to her today - she clearly expects me to be a bottomless well of financial support for her to do what she wants, live where she wants, while saying at the same time that "I am adult - I have zero obligation to you".  I am taking on so much debt and hugely risking the rest of my family's financial stability to support her, but if I dare to bring that up when she keeps demanding more & more, I, of course get, "You don't care about me and my mental health, it's all about money for you."

Thanks for the reference on skyland - I will look into that one as well.

[PeaceMom]

A therapist (T) can be very helpful with teamwork and figuring out appropriate Financial assistance boundaries. Sometimes,  the money is well spent and an investment toward their healthier future. Sometimes, it’s a temporary fix to buy you some time, distance and/or sanity. Sometimes it is thrown their way due to our feeling manipulation or guilt. When I take on unearned guilt I can’t make rational financial decisions.  That’s when resentment builds.

Do you have someone you can consult with? Groups like families Anonymous, CoDependents Anonymous and NAMI can help.

Please keep sharing here as you feel led. I believe everyone who reads these threads benefits in some way (even if they never make a single post). This is a tough road to be on, but you are in good company here. The resources are excellent. 

[jmg2000]

I am brand new here and yours is the first post I have read but...wow!  Can I relate!  Our 19 year old daughter was away at college and in crisis as well. When the virus came, they shut down her campus and essentially the entire tiny college town. She refused to come home initially but is here now and it has been pretty awful. I truly believe she needs in patient treatment but she threatens to hurt herself if we so much as mention it.  I mostly deal with all of this myself. I am still married to her father but they have a terrible relationship and he has pretty much checked out. I have no idea what I am doing but it’s helpful to know I am not alone.

[Jen2020]

jmg2000, I definitely know how you feel!  Her father who was supposed to have 50/50 custody cut off all contact with her about 4 years ago because she created so much conflict and alienated him and the step-family.  There has not been so much as a 'happy bday' txt from him since.  My husband, her step father has also checked out as much as he can after so many lies, stealing, extreme disrespectfulness, and insane drama with self harm, promiscuity, running away, and eating disorder.  Her younger brother steers clear of her, basically hiding in his room when she is around.  She does not make close friends, or keep friends very long, so I am the lucky person that she takes everything out on, and who gets to pick up the pieces after her destructive behaviors.  The anxiety can be overwhelming. 

You are definitely not alone!